I’m over the flapper look. Over it, I tell you. Do you hear me Karl Lagerfeld? You may see the Great Gatsby. I just see boring and tired.
And I wouldn’t want to be standing next to her, getting fwapped by those crazy beads every time she moves.
On Garde
I’ll be the first to admit that Rodarte is my my cup of tea. I am not edgy or avant garde. But I can appreciate it on a Natalie Portman or Tilda Swinton.
But I almost fell out off the couch when I saw Reese Witherspoon in Rodarte at last night’s Oscars. Really? Sweet Home Alabama? June Carter Cash? Elle Woods? In Rodarte?
More than incompatibility, though, was the fact that this dress does absolutely nothing for Reese. I don’t understand the straps. Or the bodice. Or the random light blue chunk of hem.
Get Nina Ricci back on your speed dial!
Hit me with your best shot
I am utterly and completely over Taylor Momsen’s Pat Benatar look. Those leggings are really unfortunate.
Plus, I get totally annoyed every time I see her photo. She’s 15 and newly famous. Why does she always look so pissed off about being photographed?
Just not that into you
Note to Jennifer Connelly’s Balmain dress: I’m just not that into you.
I’ll grant you that it’s interesting. But interesting is a code word for, ” I can’t think of anything better to say.” It feels part Dynasty, part mother-of-the-bride, and part Flintstones.
I like the shoes– a lot, actually– but don’t think they relate to the dress at all. It’s like Joan Collins’ shoulders and Sasha Fierce’s feet.
Trashier
Am I crazy, or is this just a trashier version of the Livia Giuggioli (aka Mrs. Colin Firth) Mamma Mia premiere dress?
Why the fuss?
Eva Longoria Parker went from her Golden Globes fashion high to this SAG awards lowest of lows. Her red Golden Globes dress was simple, sleek and streamlined. This look….aaah…umm…isn’t.
Eva, why all the fuss? You are 5′2″ tall. I say avoid the flounce and flourish when you are that height. And, unless you are literally performing a triple lutz that minute on ice, there is no reason for a built-in-necklace-with-sheer-overlay.
The whole look is giving me an orange sherbet push-up brain freeze.
Hourglass
By golly, hit me over the head.
If you want the appearance of an hourglass figure, I guess it makes sense to stick an enormous be-dazzled hourglass on your dress, huh?
Fit
Memo to Blake Lively: See all the wrinkles and puckering? Your dress is too small.
Proportion and color
Debra, Debra, Debra. Let’s talk about proportion and color. Cuz this Donna Karan dress scores low on both.
If you have a smaller chest, you should not wear a dress that billows out at the bottom. It makes your minimal top half look non-existent. Unless, of course, you want too look like a boy. Or look concave.
Then color. If you are paler than 95% of the human race, you should not wear flesh tones. I am not a big fan of flesh tone clothing in general, but am especially vehement against them when you have no natural skin pigment.
Hatchet
Sharon Stone must be starring in one of those movies where a wrongly-accused fugitive is on the run, hacking off all her hair with a garden sheers in a dimly lit subway bathroom to avoid detection by police and security cameras.
What? No? She’s not starring in any movies right now? That’s just her hairstyle? For real? Come on. No way. Who would willingly have their hair cut like this?
