Support
Memo to Kim Kardashian: You have cantaloupes, not tangerines. The girls need waaayyyyy more support than this. Lift ‘em high, girlfriend! And never ever balance them over a mega high waisted belt again. Not doing you any favors!
YMCA
I know the last Spice Girls tour didn’t go so well. Did Victoria Beckham decide to join the Village People instead?
I love/covet/worship the Valentino bag (although Fergie’s in cream was even better), but the rest of this dumpy gray montage can go. Especially the atrocious hat/sunglasses combo. Yikes!
Linebacker
This season seems to be about shoulder pads. I’m not sure how well this translates from runway to real life.
Case in point: Kim Kardashian.
She actually looks great. Hair and make up- great. Outfit- not earth shattering, but she looks OK. Shoulder pads- Hmmmm, not feeling the love. I get the idea, but it’s a little to edgy for her to pull off.
Undergarments
Now, this seems like a whole lotta look for just walking down the street (even if it is a street in Paris during Fashion week).
Each individual component is tolerable, but all together (hat, necklaces, tank/tee, suspenders, belt, bracelet, skirt, tights, purse, scarf, tights, shoes) with a big hair and dark eyeliner equals too much.
And Mischa….darling…let me introduce you to a bra. When you’re wearing something high-waisted, you really need to wear a bra.
Chili
Did Jessica Simpson perform at the Chili Cook-off in Podunk, Florida, or did she participate in the chili eating contest? Wowzers.
Now, we all gain a pound or two. Or ten. I have no problem with that. But I do think you need to adapt your fashion choices to compliment your body. And this outfit most definitely does *not* do her any favors.
High waisted pants with huge ass pockets, a double-decker leopard belt, and a tank top? Not exactly figure flattering. And why-oh-why does she always resort to the Jenny-McCarthy-late-90s-MTV facial gestures?
Respect
I guess I’m supposed to love this because it’s Chanel. Or at least respect it. After all, Karl Lagerfeld is a genius. But I don’t love it. I don’t even really like it. And I won’t respect it in the morning.
I mean, doesn’t it really look like a cheap shredded rug from WalMart? I don’t think it’s particularly flattering or adventurous or new. It’s utterly forgettable, and the Baker’s prom pumps are heinous.
Hef
Really? Really, Jessica Alba?
You want us to buy cropped satin pajamas as high fashion? They may be Dolce and Gabbana, but it looks more like the House of Hef. All you need are velvet slippers and a post coitus cigarette.
Trompe l’oeil
In architecture, this shirt would be a trompe l’oeil. Given that it’s Paris, though, should it be a tramp l’oeil?
I think this is what Fred Flinstone would wear if he had to wear a suit– cartoonish and silly. And the skirt, tights and shoes are dullsville.
Jolie
Apparently Kim Kardashian just hired Angelina Jolie’s stylist. So why does Angelina look chic and elegant and Kim look silly and large-headed?
I’ll grant you that Kim’s…ah…physique is hard to dress. And I like the turn toward sleek and classy. But this D&G dress is all wrong for her. I think I’d love it on Natalie Portman or Nicole Kidman. But I hat it on Kim. It doesn’t suit her proportions. And her hairdo makes the proportions even worse.
QVC
Sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
Is this how you have to dress to sell jewelry of QVC? Or is Paula Abdul competing in the Michael Jackson dress-alike contest?
