Forever 21
It looks like Fergie hauled herself down to the local Forever 21 store and bought the first thing she could find. The dress looks cheap and tarty, the jewelry makes it even worse, and it is never a good idea to put a gi-normous bow on your boobs.
On the upside, I do really like her hair and make up. Sometimes Fergie’s face can look a big angular, and this is soft and fresh.
Tired
I’m tired. It’s been a long week. And I can’t drink right now. So, suffice it to say that I don’t like Fergie’s outfit. You can determine the 47 reasons why. Have a good weekend.
Oh dear
Oh dear. Where to start with this disappointment of a dress?
Chesty gals should NOT wear frou-frou bodices. You’ve got the girls. You don’t need to adorn them with anything else. No bows. No tuxedo-collar wings. Just a simple bodice that highlights what everyone is already looking at anyways.
And why does she always stand a little pigeon toed?
Something nice
Mama always said, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” So here goes something nice: “I like Diane Kruger’s shoes.”
Shit, that’s no fun. I mean, look at her Chanel outfit. And her enthusiastic facial expression. I’d have that look, too, if I looked four years old in a jumpsuit featuring bow tie and satin high-waisted pants.
Kinda cute, kinda weird
So, this Chanel Iman dress is kinda cute. It’s also kinda weird. Kooky. It looks like the designer used a play-doh extruder and tied it all up with a ribbon
Fountain of youth
Why is JLo sporting a shapeless parchment paper clown dress? Did she forget to take off her tank and bike shorts after finishing her triathlon?
Obviously, Jennifer Lopez’s look is over-the-top luxury, and the dress is Dolce and Gabbana). But does that mean she has to look older? She’s only 39. Halle Berry is three years older, for goodness sakes, and is still wearing appropriately youthful clothes.
So why is JLo choosing bouffant aqua net hair, a schlumpy dress and mother of the bride pumps?
Opera fan
Does anyone really like opera? I would be shocked if 1% of the western world actually liked opera. But perhaps I am just not cultured enough.
The best and brightest showed up for last night’s 125th Opening Night Gala of the Metropolitan Opera photo op. And knock me silly, 15 year-old Taylor Momsen is an opera fan! (Unless she had it confused with a Jonas Brothers concert?)
Anyhoo, Parker Posey showed up looking like the love child between Rumer Willis and Little Bo Peep. The Zac Posen dress is a blousey, flowy, bowey, pastel mess. And the cotton ball tote really pushes it past any legal limits of cuteness.
Remember when?
Remember when everything Cate Blanchett wore was edgy and avant garde? Sure, you debated if you liked the look or not. But it was always interesting and unusual.
Unfortunately Cate has now entered the realm of ho-hum at the Armani fashion week show in Milan. What IS this!? It’s like a bad mother-of-the-bride dress for someone twice her age. Lace? A bow? An a-line skirt? Whaaaaat? All she needs is a wrist corsage and a hankie.
Bring our edgy Cate Blanchett back! Pleeeaassssseeee!
Bruno oh no
Charlize Theron’s Vanessa Bruno dress is definitely a fashion don’t.
It looks like Martha Stewart dyed a worn-out homemade dress in a tea bath and then glue gunned a light blue ribbon to the crotch.
It’s not a good thing.
Stylist needed
I love Annette Bening. I think she is talented, smart, witty, and seems like a lot of fun. But the lady needs a stylist. Badly.
It wouldn’t take much to get her looking fab-u-lous. All she needs is a dress that isn’t stick-straight and tight. Perhaps a wrap dress that nips her waist and adds some volume to the hips? A slightly higher heel. Grow out the bangs and lose the hair bow. A little make-up tutoring.
Annette…give us a call.
