Natural death
Why won’t jumpsuits die a natural death? They are universally unflattering, unless you happen to be over 6 feet tall. Kate Walsh’s is particularly unattractive, unless she intended to look like a barrel or the Dalai Lama.
Support
Memo to Kim Kardashian: You have cantaloupes, not tangerines. The girls need waaayyyyy more support than this. Lift ‘em high, girlfriend! And never ever balance them over a mega high waisted belt again. Not doing you any favors!
Is this an outfit
I’m not sure I can even call this an outfit.
Doesn’t it look like Liv Tyler threw a cardigan over her nightie to grab the newspaper off the front stoop?
Or perhaps she’s recreating the final scene from Bridget Jones’s Diary, where Bridget is chases after Mark Darcy in her tiny undies after he reads the unflattering comments in her diary.
Either way, this just isn’t an outfit.
Underwhelmed
Lately I’ve been underwhelmed by a former favorite, Angelina Jolie. Don’t get me wrong, I like minimalist dressing. A lot. And she’s normally top notch.
But she is crossing the line from minimalist simplicity to blandly boring.
The body form is key to minimalist dressing. To me, a blousy silhouette de-emphasizes the linear body form that she starves herself to achieve. This Max Azria dress looks more Palm Springs pool cover-up (dahling) and less New York gallery opening.
Another key to simple dressing is hair. Nothing ruins a sleek look like a fussy 50s hairdo. Comb it straight back into a bun or chignon and you’re done. No wavy bangs. No wispy tendrils. No bouffant crown. Ever.
I hope she can turn this ship around in time for the Oscars.
Respect
I guess I’m supposed to love this because it’s Chanel. Or at least respect it. After all, Karl Lagerfeld is a genius. But I don’t love it. I don’t even really like it. And I won’t respect it in the morning.
I mean, doesn’t it really look like a cheap shredded rug from WalMart? I don’t think it’s particularly flattering or adventurous or new. It’s utterly forgettable, and the Baker’s prom pumps are heinous.
Lethal
Rihanna: is this fashion or a deadly weapon? It makes a great AMA stage costume, but I’m honestly a little frightened by it. Very Pamela Anderson/ Barb Wire, Bridgette Nielsen, or “Letha” Stella from Project Runway. And we know how classy they all are.
PS I do not like your hair as of late. Please rethink the short bouffant look!
JonBenet
OK– this photo of Hayden Panettiere really creeped me out. It reminds me of those weird, highly made up, suggestively dressed four-year-old pageant girls. And she’s wearing a leash of a necklace.
Is anyone watching out for this girl?
Weddings or coronations
I really like the front of Elizabeth Banks’ Kaufman Franco dress for the London premiere of W. It photographed beautifully.
Until I saw this photo. This length of train is only appropriate at a wedding or a coronation. Otherwise, it is unnecessary and excessive. The dress would be just as pretty without the train, or with a reasonably sized one.
From a galaxy far, far away
For the MOBO Awards, Mel B was apparently inspired by Grace Jones in a galaxy far, far away. Oh yeah, and her supernaturally buoyant boobs.
How else to explain this shiny pink hooded far-out confection?
Miu Miu
First, I’ll say that I’m not a big fan of Miu Miu. Dunno why. I guess it’s just not my aesthetic.
So it’s no surprise that I’m not loving Kate Bosworth’s outfit here. I don’t mind each individual piece. I just don’t get them all together. It starts with a Mr. Rogers v-neck sweater, topped by a satin cocktail dress, topped by another Mr. Rogers v-neck cardigan.
No doubt the sweaters are the softest cashmere you’ll ever feel. No doubt each piece individually has merit. But all together? I’m not feeling the love.
