Support
Memo to Kim Kardashian: You have cantaloupes, not tangerines. The girls need waaayyyyy more support than this. Lift ‘em high, girlfriend! And never ever balance them over a mega high waisted belt again. Not doing you any favors!
Undergarments
Now, this seems like a whole lotta look for just walking down the street (even if it is a street in Paris during Fashion week).
Each individual component is tolerable, but all together (hat, necklaces, tank/tee, suspenders, belt, bracelet, skirt, tights, purse, scarf, tights, shoes) with a big hair and dark eyeliner equals too much.
And Mischa….darling…let me introduce you to a bra. When you’re wearing something high-waisted, you really need to wear a bra.
Chili
Did Jessica Simpson perform at the Chili Cook-off in Podunk, Florida, or did she participate in the chili eating contest? Wowzers.
Now, we all gain a pound or two. Or ten. I have no problem with that. But I do think you need to adapt your fashion choices to compliment your body. And this outfit most definitely does *not* do her any favors.
High waisted pants with huge ass pockets, a double-decker leopard belt, and a tank top? Not exactly figure flattering. And why-oh-why does she always resort to the Jenny-McCarthy-late-90s-MTV facial gestures?
Something nice
Mama always said, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” So here goes something nice: “I like Diane Kruger’s shoes.”
Shit, that’s no fun. I mean, look at her Chanel outfit. And her enthusiastic facial expression. I’d have that look, too, if I looked four years old in a jumpsuit featuring bow tie and satin high-waisted pants.
Lingerie
Personally, I think it is a challenge to pull off the lingerie look. The material is shiny, the lace can look cheap, and the cuts can be unflattering. More often than not, it ends up looking tarty or trashy. Think a whacked-out Courtney Love with smeared lipstick and unruly hair.
Despite my preconceptions on lingerie as clothing, Ashley Tisdale looks surprisingly matronly in this look. She is actually quite covered up. The thing is midnight blue. And it ain’t the least bit sultry.
So, I guess my notions on lingerie as clothing are a little off. But the overall look still isn’t much of a winner.
Dirty bo peep
I have a new hypothesis. The more tags I connect to my post, the worse the outfit is. You see, I tag the various fashion components (like sequins or denim or hats). The more tags I add, the busier and crazier the outfit is.
Ashanti may have a new record for the number of tags affiliated to one outfit. Let’s count the number of tags on this Dirty Little Bo Peep ensemble:
1. Belt
2. Bow
3. High-waisted
4. Lace
5. Leggings
6. Sheer
7. Shiny
8. Stretch
Maybe I need to add tags for:
1. Gaudy earrings
2. Silver eyeshadow
3. Puckered waistband
Speechless
I don’t think Debi Mazar is pregnant. But even if she is, pregnancy is no excuse for this atrocious dress. It has left me utterly speechless. How can you even put this dress into words?
I feel like an alien invasion is occurring in her dress. Perhaps it’s like Atari Asteroids, right before your are obliterated because so many asteroids are coming down on your missile. No matter how hard you try, how quickly you move your joystick back and forth, and how many times you click on the button to fire, the asteroids keep coming down faster and faster and faster until you deteriorate and die out.
Vacation
I’m going on vacation for a few days. What should I pack?
Here is my checklist….
m Crocheted swim suit
m High-waisted denim short shorts
m Fedora hat
m A butler– I mean husband– to carry my bags
Aaahhh…forget it…too complicated. I’ll just pack my captain’s hat and call it a day.
See you in a few days!
Undecided
We have to make decisions every day. Obama or McCain? Paper or Plastic? Gas or Electric?
In the big picture, perhaps this decision isn’t very important. But I can’t decide if I like Amy Adams’ outfit or not. At first I kinda liked it. I still don’t hate it. But I was surprised to see–egads–it’s pants.
It makes sense as a maxi-dress. I am not sure I am feeling the wide-leg culottes. And my stance against jumpsuits is well-documented. So, perhaps on jumpsuit priniciple alone I should say this outfit is bad. A girl ain’t worth much if she doesn’t have her principles.
Panama Jack
Diane Kruger looks like she is ready for a remake of Romancing the Stone, rather than a stylish soiree. Most of the guests at Longchamp’s 60th anniversary party were wearing chic cocktail dresses. Ms. Kruger strolled in with this get-up instead.
I don’t get this look. Honestly, I can’t even figure out what kind of look she is going for here. Does she want beachy-eighties-retro? Havana-flashdance-mega pants? If you can figure it out, you are a lot smarter than me…
