Support
Memo to Kim Kardashian: You have cantaloupes, not tangerines. The girls need waaayyyyy more support than this. Lift ‘em high, girlfriend! And never ever balance them over a mega high waisted belt again. Not doing you any favors!
Linebacker
This season seems to be about shoulder pads. I’m not sure how well this translates from runway to real life.
Case in point: Kim Kardashian.
She actually looks great. Hair and make up- great. Outfit- not earth shattering, but she looks OK. Shoulder pads- Hmmmm, not feeling the love. I get the idea, but it’s a little to edgy for her to pull off.
Hit me with your best shot
I am utterly and completely over Taylor Momsen’s Pat Benatar look. Those leggings are really unfortunate.
Plus, I get totally annoyed every time I see her photo. She’s 15 and newly famous. Why does she always look so pissed off about being photographed?
Undergarments
Now, this seems like a whole lotta look for just walking down the street (even if it is a street in Paris during Fashion week).
Each individual component is tolerable, but all together (hat, necklaces, tank/tee, suspenders, belt, bracelet, skirt, tights, purse, scarf, tights, shoes) with a big hair and dark eyeliner equals too much.
And Mischa….darling…let me introduce you to a bra. When you’re wearing something high-waisted, you really need to wear a bra.
Chili
Did Jessica Simpson perform at the Chili Cook-off in Podunk, Florida, or did she participate in the chili eating contest? Wowzers.
Now, we all gain a pound or two. Or ten. I have no problem with that. But I do think you need to adapt your fashion choices to compliment your body. And this outfit most definitely does *not* do her any favors.
High waisted pants with huge ass pockets, a double-decker leopard belt, and a tank top? Not exactly figure flattering. And why-oh-why does she always resort to the Jenny-McCarthy-late-90s-MTV facial gestures?
Hair extensions
I’m all for experimenting with hair styles and colors. But this ’do should be retired.
The color is actually nice, but the stringy curls and shapeless style are bad, bad, bad.
Sack dress
I am decidedly *not* feeling the love for Rosario Dawson’s Burberry dress. Let me count the ways:
Shape: What shape? It is snooze boring and utterly shapeless.
Color: What color? Puce green? Even *if* the color didn’t photograph well, it’s still not an attractive color.
Accessories: More snooze. Plain black clutch. Plain black pumps. Plain black beaded necklace.
Undergarments: I suggest you wear some.
Clown pants
I like the look of a wide pant as much as the next person. It can look very elegant in a Marlene Dietrich, androgynous, exaggerated proportion way.
But Maria Menounos is wearing a *really* wide pant. To the extreme. And I’m not sure it works.
I love the top and the necklace. I even like the jacket. The pants just don’t wow me. Maybe because they are wrinkled. Maybe they are just too drapey. Maybe the waistband looks too casual. Maybe I’d like it with a belt. I dunno. But I’m just not wowed.
Fountain of youth
Why is JLo sporting a shapeless parchment paper clown dress? Did she forget to take off her tank and bike shorts after finishing her triathlon?
Obviously, Jennifer Lopez’s look is over-the-top luxury, and the dress is Dolce and Gabbana). But does that mean she has to look older? She’s only 39. Halle Berry is three years older, for goodness sakes, and is still wearing appropriately youthful clothes.
So why is JLo choosing bouffant aqua net hair, a schlumpy dress and mother of the bride pumps?
Politics in fashion
Memo to Kristina Apgar:
A.) Not really sure who you are.
B.) Agree with your political choice.
C.) Strenuously object to your fashion choices.
It’s hard to be fashionable and political at the same time. If you insist on political apparel, I say try a simple fitted tee with some rockin’ jeans (a la Halle Berry, telling us to Barack the vote) and be done.
Do *not* attack a t-shirt with scissors to make a shapless tank, throw on a Minnie Mouse ruffled polka dot skirt, and add pumps and pearls. Barack deserves better than that. You certainly aren’t winning him any votes!
