At least it’s slimming

May 31, 2008 at 9:49 am (Kristin Davis, Stretch, Stripes) ()

The best thing I can say about this dress is, “at least it’s slimming!?”

Now, I realize that the Sex and the City crew has been doing a lot of appearances lately. Perhaps they’re running out of stunning outfits to wear. But this Marc by Marc Jacobs dress is a doozy.

Let’s look at the color palate first. Brown, purple, turquoise, yellow, black and green. I have a general philosophy that there is an inverse ratio between the number of colors in a single outfit and it’s attractiveness. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, but they are few and far between. And this dress ain’t one of those exceptions.

Next, let’s look at the cut, especially of the bodice. The neckline and the placement of the purple trim looks like garanimal dominatrix. And it angles her boobs to look like…well…duck feet. Pointing oddly sideways.

I think I’d like the dress better without the placket and four purposeless buttons, and if the brown parts were white or ivory.

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Martian-in-law

May 30, 2008 at 11:29 am (All Black, Leighton Meester, Necklace, Shiny) ()

Your fashion choices are pretty limited when attending the opening of a Chanel store. You obviously can’t show up in another designer’s duds, when the Chanel logo is plastered on the wall behind you. But others in her age group (Rachel Bilson especially) looked great in their Chanel dresses.

This dress achieves in the difficult combination of being both spacey and matronly. Perhaps this dress is good for a martian’s mother-in-law? I am not sure what the fabric is, but it photographs like a pleather ruffled garbage bag.

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Trying too hard

May 29, 2008 at 1:24 pm (Bows, Draped, Kim Catrall, Shiny) ()

Kim Catrall looks great. She is 50 years old, and she is in great shape. Hats off to her. But she really tries too dang hard. If she ratcheted it back just a notch, she would look fantastic.

Instead, she looks like the mom-that-tries-too-hard-to-be-like-her-daughter. The goofy neckline and lone sleeve looks to prom dressy. The bow is silly on a woman of her age. The skirt is a total confusing mess. And the pastel color is too bland with her coloring.

Shoes with an ankle strap are NOT a good idea for aging legs. Even her aging legs, which are arguably better than most aging legs.

She is obviously a woman with tons of self-confidence. Channel that toward a more age-appropriate look, and she’d be a complete knock out.

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Raspberry Dreamsicle

May 29, 2008 at 10:20 am (Belt, Lil Kim) ()

Well, at least Lil Kim is covered up. Considering she usually shows up half-naked, this should be seen as progress. Though we endorse her choice TO be covered up, we don’t endorse the dress she covered herself up with.

Lil Kim went from super-tight, super-revealing clothes to an over-sized and shapeless jersey dress. I do not understand the seam on her chest at all. It looks like she is wearing a pink strapless dress with an orange t-shirt underneath. And the hem of the dress looks like a stretched out sweatshirt from eighth grade gym class.

The shoes look like they were on the sale shelf at Payless, and the rhinestone belt looks like a dog collar for Paris Hilton’s toy poodle.

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Take me out of this ball game

May 28, 2008 at 7:55 pm (Deep V, Mariah Carey, Shiny) ()

Here is a classic lesson in the “money doesn’t buy good taste” school of thought. Oy vey! Mariah Carey absolutely has to move on from this look. She’s done it for too long, and it was never in good taste. But now it’s both STALE and not in good taste.

Where to begin (besides with her pitching style)?  The shorts are WAY too tight. There is no way that can be comfortable. And the jacket looks like it was designed for the Hugh Hefner “Girls Next Door” intramural league.

Remember– this is a baseball game. Not South Beach. This photo doesn’t even show her sandals with 4 inch heels. No one ever accused Mariah of being subtle…

 

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Metallica

May 28, 2008 at 7:40 pm (Jennifer Hudson, Metallic) ()

There seems to be a boom in the metallic fabrics — and, more often than not, I don’t like it. It is really hard to make a metallic fabric not seem too cheap/glitzy/1982/solid gold dancer.

I love that Jennifer Hudson embraces her figure. And I love fuller-figured women wearing clothes that fit, rather than a shapeless muumuu.

But I don’t love this dress. The cut (other than the neckline) is ok, but you need to wear sunglasses to look at it, and the stripe detail on the sleeve looks matronly.

Most of all, I don’t like the neckline. I wouldn’t mind a little of the bustier peeking out (although that look is a little dated) but this bosom-baring cut doesn’t connect with the otherwise demure dress cut.

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Milkmaid

May 27, 2008 at 9:59 pm (Maggie Gyllenhaal, Plaid) ()

Maggie Gyllenhaal makes this too easy. She goes to a Peace Bed-in sponsored by Ben and Jerry’s dressed like a flippin’ Vermont milkmaid. Honestly. You don’t need me to write anything here. This shit can write itself.

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Beaten to death

May 27, 2008 at 5:08 pm (Mariah Carey, Stretch, Tights) ()

I am soooo tired of this look on Mariah Carey.

Sporty “Members Only” style jacket with elastic waist, unzipped to her navel to show off the girls. Skin-tight short skirt. Over-sized sunglasses. Flashing her bling (at least it’s not that infernal butterfly ring). We have seen it on her a million times before.

I’d love to see her update with a new look, as this one has definitely been beaten to death.

PS Is it me, or do those shoes seem to small for her? Her toes look like they are hanging over the edge quite a bit.

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Jagged Little Hem

May 27, 2008 at 3:17 pm (Natalie Portman, Stripes) ()

First I’ll say that I love Natalie Portman’s fashion sense. She goes for  edgy choices. The downside is that (occasionally) those edgy choices won’t work out. Unfortunately, this is one of those choices.

I like the idea of the dress. And I usually like stripes. It is accessorized impeccably. Everything other than the dress looks great.

But on a slow celeb-photo weekend, this dress gets the ax. The stripes are sewn with an exposed, jagged, raw hem so it looks like she is wearing the dress inside out. The fabric looks like muslin. I know Ms. Portman likes to earthy and organic materials, but this isn’t appropriate for an evening look. And the gathering around the midsection doesn’t make any sense.

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Trailer Trash

May 24, 2008 at 3:04 am (Lindsay Lohan, Metallic) ()

Lindsay Lohan is skirting with a Britney Spears look. Uber-short skirt? Check! Long overprocessed hair? Check! Boobs half-exposed? Check! Add some cowboy boots and visible hair extensions to make it truly a la Spears.

 

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