Cannes Cannes

May 20, 2008 at 9:00 pm (Draped, Necklace, Salma Hayek, Sashes) ()

Cannes provides us lots of runway fodder. Night after night of red carpets, parties, and evening wear. Somehow, people think that they will look great simply because they are in France. Like being fashionable is in the water.

Salma Hayek seems to be confused on how to dress her post-baby body. I understand that. Her normally generous bust is now gargantuan. Perhaps her middle section still needs some work. Honey, we feel your pain. Welcome to the world of us regular mortals.

But do not — I repeat do not! — think that a roomier midsection and a low-slung sash is going to help you out. You are busty. Any dress that makes your mid section look as wide as your chest is NOT going to look good.

I also don’t care for the details on this dress. The military-like gold epaulets on the shoulders don’t go with the flowy dress. The loop-as-sleeve thing just seems weird. The bordello beading on the end of the sash drags the sash down, so it hangs just under the tummy paunch. Never an area we want to highlight.

Just try a little cleavage, a nipped waist, and a smile. It’ll work wonders!

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High as a kite

May 20, 2008 at 3:32 pm (Bows, Deep V, Draped, Gwyneth Paltrow) ()

I think there is a little tarnish on Gwyneth Paltrow’s Fashion Hall of Fame award. She once embodied minimalist urbane chic. But she has been dancing with edgy couture of late, and I say for the worse.

Obviously, she is still how-can-one-person-be-soooo-perfect beautiful. And I love her with shorter hair, instead of the lifeless long tresses she sported for years.

I tried to love the dress. It’s Chanel. It’s haute couture. But I really can’t get past the bows. The repeated bows on the straps look like kite strings. And I really don’t like the cutesy bow-between-the-boobs.

But seeing the full length clinched the deal. The middle seam is puckering and stretching. And it seems to emphasis a little tummy paunch, which you darn well know Ms. Paltrow doesn’t have. If it gives her some tummy bulge, image what it would look like on the rest of us!?

And call me old fashioned, but I think the dress is just too short. I don’t mind seeing a bit of the shoe, but I think a floor-length dress should, in fact, be a little closer to the floor.

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