Flapper falls flat

May 24, 2008 at 3:00 am (Costume, Diane Kruger, Sequins) ()

There is a huge difference between being inspired by a look and taking the look to far. Usually, that is the difference between looking good and looking bad.

Granted, this dress isn’t great. The shapeless bodice, fish tail and bland beige-gray color aren’t easy to wear.

But add the slicked-down pin-curl hairdo and we move into the realm of costume.

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I amfAR from fashionable

May 22, 2008 at 10:53 pm (Floral, Lace, Madonna, Rose McGowan, Ruffles, Stretch) (, , )

 What the f*&# was the dress code listed in the amfAR Cannes invite this year?

 

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Meet George Jetson…Daughter Judy…

May 22, 2008 at 9:08 pm (Jordin Sparks, Metallic) ()

If the Judy Jetson went to prom, this might be the dress she’d pick. The general cut of the dress isn’t awful for her shape and size. So it’s the details that sink this look. Oh yeah, and the shiny gold stretch dance leotard fabric.

The sleeve is too tight, decorative cut isn’t flattering for a fuller arm. Why would anyone want to accent the flabbiest part of their arm? Then there is the faux turtleneck. Would that be a MOCK mock turtleneck? And I don’t get the decorative stitching on the bodice and skirt hem. If the dress weren’t already gold and shiny, the decorative stitching might make sense. But if you are already wearing stretch gold, then less is more.

My favorite part, though, is how the red stripes in her hair mimic her manicure, pedicure and cause bracelets.

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Back to the Future

May 22, 2008 at 5:42 pm (Belt, Floral, Kristin Davis) ()

I think that Kristin Davis is getting ready to reprise the Lea Thompson role in Back to the Future. She has been doing a retro-fifties housewife look for the Sex and the City junket. A bit blah (we’ve seen that look on her … a lot), but not a crime of fashion. Until now.

Check out this dress for her Letterman appearance. Seeing that dress on your TV will make your eyes cross! Let’s break it down.

Chartreuse and purple: I know they are on opposite sides of the color wheel, and therefore should look good together. But here it like someone vomited up their frankenberry cereal.

Floral: I am not the biggest fan of floral, especially big ol’ abstract poppies splattered all over you. It seems less floral and more paintball.

The cut: her other fifties-style dresses of late featured full skirts. A fuller skirt is better for her pear-shaped frame; this slimmer cut is less flattering. Especially when she pulls at it with her hands!? And I don’t like the center seam up the middle of the skirt.

Hello, McFly. Send this one back to 1955.

 

 

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Flapper Madge

May 21, 2008 at 10:41 pm (Backless, Belt, Madonna, Necklace, Sequins) ()

I think that Madonna was thinking of learning to dance the Charleston. All she needs is a headband with a feather!

I’m no bleeding heart, but this sure seems like a lotta bling for promoting a documentary about African orphans. Mother Theresa she ain’t. And the value of that diamond necklace may equatl the GNP of Malawi.

But I digress…on to the outfit. Madonna is a force of nature. She is 49, for heaven’s sake! She looks amazing. But she is 49. She should wear a bra. The girls shouldn’t be two inches above your belt.

And what is the deal with all the fringe!? I can handle the skirt. But the sleeves and the back is too much. And I am not endorsing the halter-top-meets-long-sleeve-cut-outs.

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Lamentable Lamé

May 21, 2008 at 6:18 pm (Belt, Cate Blanchett, Draped, Metallic) ()

Gold lamé is tough to wear. The ballsy Cate Blanchett has successfully taken on metallics before. But those successes usually had a more fitted cut and a heavier fabric. We love Cate — and her risk-taking works more often than not. Unfortunately, this is one of those “nots.”

Maybe we can chalk it up to jet-lag. She was just in Cannes, and the flight to Sydney probably wore her out. Maybe her bags got held up in customs. Hopefully there was some good excuse for why she had to wear this shiny Solid Gold trash bag of a dress.

I don’t even know how to look at the various components of this look. Do we start with the off-center neckline? Or the pockets? Or the hem? Or her hair? Or do we just focus on the SHINE?

Oh yeah, I do like the shoes. At least we were able to find one thing to compliment.

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Through clenched teeth

May 21, 2008 at 4:01 pm (All Black, Belt, Deep V, Lace, Liv Tyler) ()

Poor Liv Tyler. She is really trying to look happy. Through her clenched teeth. Now, we know she is going through a divorce. I’m sure it’s no fun to appear on a late-night talk show during all that. But the bright red lipstick and broad smile aren’t very convincing.

But on to the dress. For an all black number, there is a bit going on here. Plunging neckline. Lacy detail. Belt. Draped skirt. I’d like it better if one of these details were removed.

But overall, the look is brought down becuase the poor girl just looks clenched. Wound up as tight. Perhaps she is in need of a long massage.

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Cannes Cannes

May 20, 2008 at 9:00 pm (Draped, Necklace, Salma Hayek, Sashes) ()

Cannes provides us lots of runway fodder. Night after night of red carpets, parties, and evening wear. Somehow, people think that they will look great simply because they are in France. Like being fashionable is in the water.

Salma Hayek seems to be confused on how to dress her post-baby body. I understand that. Her normally generous bust is now gargantuan. Perhaps her middle section still needs some work. Honey, we feel your pain. Welcome to the world of us regular mortals.

But do not — I repeat do not! — think that a roomier midsection and a low-slung sash is going to help you out. You are busty. Any dress that makes your mid section look as wide as your chest is NOT going to look good.

I also don’t care for the details on this dress. The military-like gold epaulets on the shoulders don’t go with the flowy dress. The loop-as-sleeve thing just seems weird. The bordello beading on the end of the sash drags the sash down, so it hangs just under the tummy paunch. Never an area we want to highlight.

Just try a little cleavage, a nipped waist, and a smile. It’ll work wonders!

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High as a kite

May 20, 2008 at 3:32 pm (Bows, Deep V, Draped, Gwyneth Paltrow) ()

I think there is a little tarnish on Gwyneth Paltrow’s Fashion Hall of Fame award. She once embodied minimalist urbane chic. But she has been dancing with edgy couture of late, and I say for the worse.

Obviously, she is still how-can-one-person-be-soooo-perfect beautiful. And I love her with shorter hair, instead of the lifeless long tresses she sported for years.

I tried to love the dress. It’s Chanel. It’s haute couture. But I really can’t get past the bows. The repeated bows on the straps look like kite strings. And I really don’t like the cutesy bow-between-the-boobs.

But seeing the full length clinched the deal. The middle seam is puckering and stretching. And it seems to emphasis a little tummy paunch, which you darn well know Ms. Paltrow doesn’t have. If it gives her some tummy bulge, image what it would look like on the rest of us!?

And call me old fashioned, but I think the dress is just too short. I don’t mind seeing a bit of the shoe, but I think a floor-length dress should, in fact, be a little closer to the floor.

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Tribal Trash

May 19, 2008 at 3:06 pm (Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Tribal) ()

Beware — the evil tribal god has been angered. A sacrificial offering will need to be made to appease him, and keep dresses like this from being worn ever again.

Tribal can look great– ethnic, earthy, and dramatic. This achieves none of those goals. The pattern looks like the face of an angry dung beetle. And, honestly, what IS that apron/mud flap in the front? The dress is absolutely shapeless, and the zig-zag hem and striped trim add to the mayhem.

This dress? Fuggetaboutit!

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