Blinded by the white

June 30, 2008 at 4:00 pm (Denim, High Waisted, Leather, Rumer Willis, Shorts, Shoulder pads) (, , , , )

I sit at a desk all day and pound away at a keyboard. I don’t live in LA. I don’t have a convertible. I don’t take exotic vacations with cabanas and private beaches. And yet, somehow, even my legs aren’t this white.

Are big shoulder pads coming back into style? The jury’s still out on that one. But this jacket looks more 80s original than modern interpretation. And I am speechless by the high-waisted short-shorts. There just aren’t words.

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Mamma mia!

June 30, 2008 at 3:31 pm (Floral, Keely Shaye Smith, Livia Giuggioli, Sequins) (, , , , , , , , )

What in the heck are the Mamma Mia wives wearing!?

At the world premiere of Mamma Mia, co-stars Colin Firth (whom I absolutely adore) and Pierce Brosnan (who ain’t too shabby either) both look great. Dapper, suave, all that you’d expect.

But what are their wives wearing? Livia Giuggioli, married to Colin Firth, seems to want to tell the world how utterly happy she is. And, obviously, that message is best communicated in sequins, with Pac-Man eyes on your boobs.

And Keely Shaye Smith, wife of Pierce Brosnan, may want to rethink the neckline of her dress next time. Yowza. At least it isn’t strapless.

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Picnic chic

June 30, 2008 at 1:02 pm (Abbie Cornish, Sheer, Tunic) (, , , , )

I don’t like to ridicule celebrities for what they wear in private. If you step on a red carpet, you better be looking your best, darn it.

If some paparazzi is hassling you as you go to Starbucks or are in your own backyard, then you don’t deserve to have your fashion choices critiqued. You’ve got enough to deal with– like some wacko shoving a telephoto lens in your face while you are just trying to run some errands.

I made an exception in this case because Abbie Cornish and Ryan Philippe are “debuting” themselves as a couple. They gotta know that pictures are going to be taken. And she is going to be assessed. Did they start dating before Ryan’s marriage ended? Who is she? And, while we’re at it, what the heck is she wearing!?

Is Abbie a member of a unique Amish or Mormon sect that mandates dowdy shoes? Does she have a rare disorder where her skin shrivels up if it is exposed to sunlight? Why else would she be sooooo covered up at an outdoor summer event?

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Jumpsuit revisited

June 30, 2008 at 10:19 am (All Black, Deep V, Jumpsuit, Selma Blair, Sequins, Tuxedo) (, , , , )

Here is Plaintiff’s Evidence Exhibit B on why I do not like jumpsuits. Is Selma Blair trying to look like Evil Knievel? Elvis? Or a long lost member of KISS?

Here is Plaintiff’s Evidence Exhibit A.

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Boho chic?

June 27, 2008 at 4:09 pm (Deep V, Elizabeth Hurley, Elle MacPherson, Floral, Fringe, Headband, Necklace, Uma Thurman) (, , , , , , )

It’s been a little quiet on the wires today. Mary-Kate is smiling and Britney is actually wearing clothes. Banner day for fashion critics!

Normally Elle MacPherson’s dress at Elton John’s “White Tie and Tiara” ball would stay under the radar screen. Not stellar, but not completely inappropriate in a Naomi-Campbell-in-a-sheer-gown sort of way. Since today’s been dullsville, we’re posting Elle MacPherson.

First, I’ll say that I’m sure it’s not fun to spend an evening with your ex — and the father of your children — right after he got engaged to another woman. And gave her an 8-carat rock. So, kudos to her for being there with her chin up. Second, I’ll say that the event had a beach theme. How a beach theme, white tie and diamonds all go together, I’m not sure. Most people seemed to skip over the beach part, and dressed for the white tie and diamonds part. Smart move.

Our lady Elle went for “bohemian chic.” What an oxymoron, like jumbo shrimp or freezer burn. I’m not in love with her necklace-as-headband look or her beaded-necklace-to-your-knees look. The gold mesh of the dress looks a little polyester-ish to me. And the floral/fringe shawl is totally distracting.

On an unrelated note, it feels like Elizabeth Hurley is always wearing the same darn dress. I’m all for knowing what looks good on you, but she is ALWAYS wearing a solid dress with a tight bodice that shows off the girls and a full skirt. And it’s usually Versace. Snooze. Snooze. Snooze.

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Kung fu hips

June 27, 2008 at 10:07 am (Corsage, Lucy Liu) (, , , , )

At first glance, there is a lot to like about this Giambattista Valli dress.The bodice is beautiful, red is lovely on Lucy Liu, corsage is nice. Good so far. Then you scroll down, and see the jumbo marshmallow of a skirt. WHAT!?!

It does a good job of making her waist look minuscule. But that’s accomplished by making her hips look gi-normous, and oddly Marie Antoinette-like. I don’t dig the second corsage in the front crotch area. And what exactly is that fabric? It looks a little bit like she is molting.

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Golden girls

June 26, 2008 at 3:16 pm (Floral, Maxi-dress, Necklace, Shiny, Tunic, Uma Thurman) (, , , )

Dear Diary, 

For Nelson Mandela’s birthday party I think I’ll wear a dress inspired by The Golden Girls. He is ninety, after all. And I just love that show! Betty White is a riot, and Rue McClanahan is one saucy lady.

Picture it. Sophia Petrillo escapes from the lanai in her muumuu and hauls butt to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. She goes to some parades and even snags a few gold beads and a handful of doubloons, until that wacky Bea Arthur finds her and hauls her back to Shady Pines.

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Choked by the family ties

June 26, 2008 at 2:44 pm (Beaded, Belt, Deep V, Denim, Justine Bateman, Necklace) (, , , )

I’m not sure what Justine Bateman was doing between Family Ties and her recent stint on Desperate Housewives. Somehow she snagged an invite to a Kate Spade dinner last night. And she showed up in this.

Maybe she will be starring in a Lifetime movie about a hardened and emaciated biker chick who likes black eyeliner and beading jewelery. She meets a nice preppy guy, who introduces her to fashionable handbags and dinner soirees. This is beginning to sound like Grease II.

 

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Make it disappear

June 26, 2008 at 1:02 pm (Bows, Claudia Schiffer) (, , , )

Claudia Schiffer has been everywhere lately.  We love the resurgence of the 90s supermodels, but her demure clothing choices have been aging her unnecessarily. And I think she could do a little more with her hair.

Was this dress inspired by a David Copperfield magic show? Perhaps he could make this look disappear…

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Happy Birthday, Mr. President

June 26, 2008 at 12:21 pm (All Black, Belt, Deep V, Naomi Campbell, Ruffles, Sheer) (, , , )

Hmmm….what to get humanitarian and activist Nelson Mandela on his 90th birthday? If you are Naomi Campbell, apparently the answer is a flash of the granny panties in this sheer dress.

Perhaps she is still smarting from him personally forbidding her to appear on-stage, after her recent airport tussle.

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