Down with jumpsuits

June 16, 2008 at 7:40 pm (All Black, Brooke Shields, Deep V, Jumpsuit, Pockets, Sequins) (, )

I will go on the record firmly and unequivocally. I. DO. NOT. LIKE. JUMPSUITS. I have, on rare occasions, seen one or two that aren’t atrocious. But that is extremely rare. And it is usually because the person is rail thin.

This is not an exception to the jumpsuit rule. Brooke, Brooke, Brooke. Come on. This jumpsuit is wrong on so many levels. It is blousey. It has a low slung belt. The pants are too long (or your heels are too short). The the entire God-forsaken thing is covered in sequins.

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Run for the hills

June 16, 2008 at 3:59 pm (Stretch, Tribal, Whitney Port) (, )

At the risk of sounding like a complete fogey, I’ll admit that I’ve never watched The Hills. So I wasn’t familiar with Whitney Port until she hit my radar screen with this blinding dress. Yowza.

She looks like a kachina doll or an Aztecan warrior. Maybe someone dared her to wear this in a sorority pledge prank. Who knows. Hopefully there is some good excuse for her wearing this atrocity of a dress. All she needs is a dreamcatcher necklace.

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June 16, 2008 at 1:44 pm (All Black, Asymmetrical, Christian Siriano, Necklace, Ruffles, Whoopi Goldberg) (, , )

I don’t expect high fashion from the Tony Awards. And certainly not from Whoopi Goldberg. But when I heard that Christian Siriano (love him!) was designing a dress for Whoopi, my hopes were elevated a bit. Then I saw his sketches (sob). And then I saw the dress itself (sob, wail, gnash teeth).

The dress was really very pedestrian. I get that Whoopi isn’t the easiest to dress, but this is really very mother-of-the-bride (as Project Runway judge Michael Kors would say). The dress has none of the edge and swagger we expected from Christian. It is just a boring, black, ruffly mullet dress. Snore.

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Much too much

June 16, 2008 at 10:12 am (All Black, Belt, Leggings, Pockets, Rihanna, Ruffles, Shiny, Stretch) (, )

Rihanna certainly is an entertainer. Her clothing choices for Sunday’s Much Music Awards in Toronto were quite entertaining!

She arrived in the long black dress; that skirt looks like it is make out of neoprene! And what is the deal on the belt/suspender combo? She looks harnessed for hauling a farm wagon. And I really don’t get it given the buttoned belt of the skirt.

She then performed in the ruffled top and leggings ensemble. I am so OVER the rubberized legging look. The ruffled top looks like a shapeless crinkled garbage bag. Is there actually a belt floating around in there? And the hat screams Village People.

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