Call my lawyer

July 2, 2008 at 4:02 pm (Fringe, Metallic, Naomi Campbell) (, , , , )

London, England (AP) — Today, on Howick Place in London, Naomi Campbell was assaulted by feral cats sent by the bag-handler’s union at Heathrow Airport. The 38-year old temperamental supermodel was entering an art exhibit features photos of even more supermodels. The feral cats confused her rail-thin body for a scratching post, and rapidly reduced her dress to swags of silly string. Campbell looked pale and aghast from the experience, or from skipping lunch for the last three weeks.

“It was bloody carnage,” says an emotional but unnamed eye-witness. “The cats descended with sharpened claws exposed. There was nowhere to hide. Thank God for those suspender-like straps on her dress– they were the only things that saved her from complete exhibitionism! God save the Queen.”

Royal Guards said the cats, who all have prior convictions of mauling and assault, will face three charges each: assaulting an international supermodel, conduct unbecoming a feral cat, and the use of threatening, abusive meows toward an international supermodel. The cats will appear in a London magistrates’ court on July 21. 

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