Second glance

July 22, 2008 at 11:32 am (All Black, Bows, Cut-outs, Deep V, Kate Walsh, Sashes) (, , , , , )

It took a second glance to recognize the craziness of Kate Walsh’s dress.

First glance: kinda cute, rather nondescript, but no obvious components to hate, detest and revile.

Second glance: WHOAAAAA Nelly! What is the deal with this dress? What is that in the back? A cape? A rear-facing bib? A mud-flap?

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July 21, 2008 at 3:03 pm (All Black, Backless, Deep V, Jumpsuit, Shiny) (, , , , , )

I’m starting to run out of various ways to post this simple truth: I don’t like jumpsuits. I can try to be clever and witty. I can digress on sequins, necklines, shorts or pants. But it still boils down to one simple fact. If it’s a jumpsuit, I don’t like it.

Maggie Gyllenhaal has been amusing in her various Dark Knight promotional appearances. Her wardrobe is usually unconventional and highly conversational. And I do like (to a certain degree) that she seems to not really care if people like her outfit or not.

But today, she looks like a black satin version of Gumby, dammit. And I am guessing that Gumby isn’t the fashion inspiration for too many people.

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Little green monster

July 21, 2008 at 11:17 am (Clutch, Debra Messing, Deep V, Metallic, Ruffles, Sashes, Shiny) (, , , , , )

I feel like Debra Messing has been wearing the same thing for the last three years. She has been wearing some variation of this dress over and over and over, and this one is particularly bad.

It is very green.
It is very shiny.
It is very puckered.
It is very big.
It is VERY boring.

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Romper room

July 18, 2008 at 10:44 am (Ashanti, Baby Doll, Belt) (, , , , , )

I believe that most people should gravitate towards clothes that are chic, streamlined, and figure-flattering. There are some people who succeed with quirkier, flashier, or edgier looks. Gwen Stefani comes to mind. Kate Moss can do it well. Sienna Miller used to be good at it too (although she spends most her time topless lately). But for most people, quirkier, flashier or edgier usually goes awry into trashy, odd, and just downright bad.

There isn’t anything hugely wrong with Ashanti’s outfit. There just isn’t anything hugely right about it either. The wide straps evoke a grade school romper, rather than a sophisticated lady. The pattern just feels messy and confusing (Is it edgy and black? Is it pastels and feminine?) The bubble skirt gets a bit lost in the print, so she just looks wide and bottom-heavy. And the bright blue shoes neither match nor contrast.

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That’ll be the day

July 17, 2008 at 3:04 pm (Cardigan, Denim, Katie Holmes, Tights) (, , , , , )

I have been cracking up all day! Katie Holmes looks like Linda Ronstadt with this hair and make-up. (Sing it with me: That’ll be the day, when Tom makes her cry. That’ll be the day, when he says good-bye.) Is she *trying* to look ten years older? Or like a throwback from 1977?

And what of her baggy, roll-up-your-jeans-like-it’s-1988 look? How did Miss Couture fall so low? And, given her hands in her sleeves posture, she doesn’t look very confident about this look. Posh’d tell her to dump these jeans and cardigan ASAP.

PS The shoes are awesome. Reserving final judgement on the black hose, though.

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July 17, 2008 at 11:53 am (All Black, Corsage, Draped, Headband, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Shiny) (, , , , , )

Maggie Gyllenhaal, oh how you tease us. You usually show up braless in some quirky caftan outfit from 1942. Then you come to the Dark Knight premiere looking fab-u-lous, and we think there is hope. Our heart swells with the promise of brighter days.

Only to have out heart sink once again. What is this? From the velvet Glad bag couture line? With a matching Zsa Zsa Gabor head turban and a chest rosette? Why, Lord, why? Why does she tease us so? Why are do we allow our hopes to rise, only to be dashed again?

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Ice capades

July 17, 2008 at 10:13 am (Costume, Feathers, Katie Price, Leggings, Metallic, Sequins, Stretch) (, , , , , , )

Given that I don’t read look at Playboy (and given I don’t live in the UK), I’m not very familiar with Katie Price (also known as Jordan). So imagine my disbelief when I saw this photo today.

She isn’t in the ice capades. She isn’t competing in the Miss anything contest. She isn’t a Vegas showgirl. She is in a flipping BORDERS store.

I drag myself into to a Borders wearing track pants and a t-shirt. I’m lucky if they are clean and relatively un-wrinkled. I definitely don’t weary a feather shrug, sequined stirrup-sleeves, and leggings emblazoned with a crotch medallion. Oh, yeah, and don’t forget the tiara.

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Sultry or saggy?

July 16, 2008 at 9:29 am (All Black, Deep V, Rumer Willis) (, , , , , )

I know the sultry look Rumer Willis is going for here. Unfortunately, it feels like she is trying too hard. And gravity isn’t working with her.

The dress itself is OK– albeit a little boring. And it has a mullet feel: vixen on top, matron on the bottom. Perhaps she is going for irony. But the vixen top is where it falls flat. Or droops. Or sags. Pick your verb. If you are going to try this type of look, the response should be, “Va-va-va-voom, she is smokin.” Not, “Yikes, I can’t believe this girl is only twenty. Perhaps she can be the spokeswoman for Maidenform.”

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Hour glass

July 15, 2008 at 1:23 pm (Draped, Halle Berry, Necklace) (, , , , , )

We know Halle Berry has a to-die-for hourglass figure. Even post-baby, she looks absolutely fab. So WHY, WHY, WHY would she chose a dress that makes her look apple-shaped?

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Panama Jack

July 15, 2008 at 9:46 am (Clutch, Diane Kruger, Hat, High Waisted, Tank) (, , , , )

Diane Kruger looks like she is ready for a remake of Romancing the Stone, rather than a stylish soiree. Most of the guests at Longchamp’s 60th anniversary party were wearing chic cocktail dresses. Ms. Kruger strolled in with this get-up instead.

I don’t get this look. Honestly, I can’t even figure out what kind of look she is going for here. Does she want beachy-eighties-retro? Havana-flashdance-mega pants? If you can figure it out, you are a lot smarter than me…

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