Speechless

August 5, 2008 at 12:05 pm (Debi Mazar, High Waisted, Tribal) (, , , , , )

I don’t think Debi Mazar is pregnant. But even if she is, pregnancy is no excuse for this atrocious dress.¬† It has left me utterly speechless. How can you even put this dress into words?

I feel like an alien invasion is occurring in her dress. Perhaps it’s like Atari Asteroids, right before your are obliterated because so many asteroids are coming down on your missile. No matter how hard you try, how quickly you move your joystick back and forth, and how many times you click on the button to fire, the asteroids keep coming down faster and faster and faster until you deteriorate and die out.

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Not bellissima

August 5, 2008 at 11:57 am (Draped, Necklace, Pastels, Ruffles, Salma Hayek, Sequins) (, , , , , )

Salma Hayek seems to have been swathed in glittery cotton candy at the premiere of Vicky Cristina Barcelona last night.

I’m not feeling Salma’s post-baby fashion mojo. She used to be so sleek, sultry and exotic. Now I am getting more frumpy¬†and demure. And, given the current size of her chest, frumpy and demure has to be a big challenge!

What’s up with the two-tiered bib in the front of this Balenciaga dress? Bring back the knock ’em dead Salma!

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House of Hanes

August 5, 2008 at 8:44 am (Gwyneth Paltrow, Shorts, T-Shirt) (, , , , , )

I am not seeing the design ingenuity in this Elizabeth and James outfit. Sure, it makes Gwyneth Paltrow look about 9 feet tall, with legs that never end. But I think her gene pool and her work out regimen have as much to do with that as anything.

The outfit is a glorified Hanes t-shirt and some short shorts. And I’m not sure the t-shirt is particularly flattering. It looks like Gwyneth rolled out of bed, pulled back her hair, grabbed some awesome Tod’s shoes, and hauled her butt down to Amagansett.

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