Little house on the prairie

August 21, 2008 at 4:20 pm (Floral, Jennifer Garner) (, , , , , , )

I think that Jennifer Garner may be taking her aw shucks girl next door image a little too far. Just ‘cuz you’re known wholesome and expecting doesn’t mean you should look like Laura Ingalls or Holly Hobbie!

This See by Chloe dress is really bad. Really really bad. The color and print are making me feel  nauseous. Like I ate too much sugar on the good ship lolly pop nauseous. Like we landed in Kansas circa 1991 nauseous. If this is her idea of pregnancy-wear, hang on cuz it’s gonna be a long few months…

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… and guest

August 21, 2008 at 1:43 pm (Rumer Willis, Sneakers) (, , , , , , , , , )

Instead of my usual ranting and raving on bad fashion, I am going to rant and rave about the Willis-Moore-Kutcher-plus-two-random-boys-from-down-the-street family.

Let me tell you a little story. When I got married, we invited my husband’s aunt and uncle. They took it upon themselves to invite their four kids (which I guess makes a little sense, at least they are related). But then those four kids each brought a guest! So one invitation now totals ten people! How does that work on the RSVP card?

Yes, this story does relate…I promise.

So–yippee–someone is paying Rumer to act in a movie. Whoop-de-doo. She needs to come to the premiere. Makes sense. She can even bring a date. But how does “Rumer Willis and guest” become nine f*ing people!?!? How pathetic is it that Bruce and random woman #47 and Demi and Ashton have to show up? I’m sure they are really proud of her. Blah, blah, blah. Their “come out and support her” sounds a lot like “come out and upstage her.”

And how big is her part in The House Bunny? She is listed eleventh in the cast list, behind “Sweet Prostitute” and “Dean Simmons.” Somehow her other ten cast mates (who presumably have bigger parts) made it to the premiere without an entourage of their entire neighborhood.

Finally–what is the deal with Aston’s shoes? I get that tennies on the red carpet is the newest thing. But a few points: 1) When Tom Cruise is doing it, it is already inherently lame. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. 2) If you still insist on wearing the sneaks, where a sleek street version, not these dorky shoes-you-would-actually-do-some-exercise-in.

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Home ec project

August 21, 2008 at 11:17 am (Lace, Maria Sharapova, Sheer, Strapless) (, , , , , , )

Looking past the could-you-BE-any-more-obvious product placement, Maria Sharapova’s Lanvin dress looks like a Home Ec sewing project gone horribly wrong. Horribly terrifyingly disastrously wrong.

The brown dress alone is passable. I’m not sure why there is some lace peeking out of the bodice and why the fabric covering her left boob is higher than the fabric covering her right boob, but whatever. Not a total nightmare.

But wait, there’s more. Why does she need the sheer figure-skating-costume-fabric at the neck? And what in the name of heaven and earth and all that is holy is the one 80s puffy sleeve thing?

The umpire has spoken on this dress, and Maria loses this match by default.

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