Dowdy

September 30, 2008 at 2:29 pm (All Black, Brooch, Salma Hayek) (, , , , , , )

Who forced Salma Hayekto wear the dowdy pilgrim home-ec Morticia Adams Balenciaga dress? Maybe this is her “I’m just friends with Francois-Henri Pinault” dress.

She has an unbelievable, gravity defying figure. Why oh why does she cover up every bit of skin? Why is so accessorizing with her grandma’s rhinestone brooch? Please, Salma. Bring sexy back.

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Hot off the runway

September 30, 2008 at 11:17 am (All White, Roisin Murphy) (, , , , , , )

Hot off the Gareth Pugh‘s Paris runway, Roisin Murphy wore this futuristic dress to yesterday’s Christian Dior show.

Gee…I dunno. Inherently, Gareth Pugh’s “Joan Crawford meets Predator” look for Spring 09 isn’t for everyone. His stuff is very out there.

This dress in particular looks like the Michelin man humped an armadillo. Could she look *more* unhappy wearing it?

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Unstyled

September 29, 2008 at 2:31 pm (Belt, Julia Stiles) (, , , , , , )

It is a sharp contrast to post about the highly and intentionally stylized Victoria Beckham to the completely unstyled Julia Stiles.

I am really tired of the Julia Stiles/ Kirsten Dunst philosophy that you can show up at red carpet events in schlumpy clothes. Come on. Maggie Gyllenhaal has pulled herself together. Claire Danes wears couture clothes and still is considered a serious artist.

You can do it. Shed the frumpy clothes, comb your hair, consider some mascara. I guarantee you will still respect yourself in the morning.

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Superhero

September 29, 2008 at 10:24 am (Backless, Boots, Katie Holmes, Leggings, Shiny) (, , , , , , )

Victoria Beckham must be going for the Superhero of Fashion look. Perhaps she is able to leap tall buildings in a single bound? Or she will save Gotham City from from the perils of blah fashion?

I’ll say this for Ms. Beckham– she always creates a sensation. For the launch of the Beckham’s new fragrance, she sported Antonio Berardi from head to toe (but not heel).

The dress is lovely and very sculptural. I liked it better at it’s original runway length (which was a few inches longer, but still well above the knee). Her mega-shortened skirt lost most of the interesting detail along the thigh. But a beautiful dress.

It’s the rubberized-leggings-that-become-heelless-platform-boots that are…aahh…noteworthy. They certainly aren’t for everyone. If anyone can pull them off, i would be Victoria Beckham. I like that they push the boundary of what is expected. But when does pushing boundaries just become absurd? Absurd, as in “I can’t really walk or stand in these” absurd? I mean, really? Come on.

I can’t wait until her BFF Katie Holmes buys these to wear with her pegged baggy jeans.

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Icy stare

September 26, 2008 at 3:27 pm (Feathers, Metallic, Renee Zellweger, Sashes, Sheer) (, , , , , , )

I’m reeling from the news that Renee Zellweger wore Carolina Herrera on the red carpet. Gasp! She *never* wears Carolina Herrera!?

I think this dress is just a tad too much. And Carolina is usually so understated. But with the sheer and the feathers and the metal embellishments and the cuffs and the feathers and the sash and the ribbon decoration everywhere it feels a bit busy. Overworked.

I also think Renee should avoid cool colors. Her coloring (like Nicole Kidman) runs on the icy side, so these cool colors make her look a bit frigid. And her puckered facial expressions aren’t helping.

Also, Renee, please, please, please rethink your hairstyle. Pretty please?

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Fish tank

September 26, 2008 at 11:50 am (Deep V, Halter, Rihanna) (, , , , , , )

I think Rihanna’s style is amazing. She may not have much cash in the bank (relative to her star status), but she knows how to choose the cream of the designer crop.

I don’t think this Gucci halter dress makes the cut. It looks like a fish tank, with fluorescent fake plastic ferns swaying along the bottom and little bubbles floating up. All we need is a glug, glug, glug noise to make our fish tank look complete.

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Speechless

September 26, 2008 at 11:00 am (Deep V, Ruffles, Sheer, Shiny, Traci Bingham) (, , , , , , )

Wow. I am utterly speechless. There just aren’t words for Traci Bingham’s outfit.

PS Here is classy personified. The ruffles are detachable.

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Batik sling

September 25, 2008 at 5:59 pm (Asymmetrical, Draped, Kristen Bell, Stripes) (, , , , , , )

Kristen Bell seems to be sporting a rainbow batik boob sling. Perhaps a rainbow is appropriate forand event called Outfest, but it that don’t make it good fashion.

I feel like I’m drunk and staring at tv test screen. “This is a test of the Emergency Fashion Broadcast system. If this had been an actual fashion emergency, the signal you just heard would be followed by official fashion information, news or instruction.”

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Victorian horsey

September 25, 2008 at 4:59 pm (Belt, Eva Herzigova, Lace, Mock Turtleneck) (, , , , , , )

I get the look of Eva Herzigova’s Dolce & Gabbana dress. And I don’t hate it. But I also don’t love it. And I really don’t love the bright red lipstick.

The dress feels like Queen Victoria dressed in Ralph Lauren. It also feels a little heavy-handed, with the lace and the darting and the gathers and the high neck and the long sleeves and the scalloped edges.

Closer inspection of the fabric is also confusing. At first, I thought it was a lace overlay, a la Prada. But close up it seems that it is printed on the fabric. I dunno. I’m just so confused.

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Squirrel sleeves

September 25, 2008 at 4:33 pm (Fur, Princess Eleonora of Yugoslavia) (, , , , , , )

Mmmm…pardon me. Your Royal Highness? Princess Eleonora of Yugoslavia? I most humbly interrupt your royalness to let you know that…ahem…you seem to be…ahh…under attack.

I am not sure how squirrels got into the swanky Tod’s Private Dinner. The footmen will be thoroughly interrogated. I certainly hope the didn’t draw any blood. But these traitorous squirrels have overtaken your overly blousey top and are wreaking havoc on your shoulders.

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