Bruno oh no

September 17, 2008 at 7:42 pm (Bows, Charlize Theron, Clutch, Gladiator Sandal, Plaid) (, , , , , , )

Charlize Theron’s Vanessa Bruno dress is definitely a fashion don’t.

It looks like Martha Stewart dyed a worn-out homemade dress in a tea bath and then glue gunned a light blue ribbon to the crotch.

It’s not a good thing.

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Being kind

September 17, 2008 at 1:13 pm (Belt, Buttons, Clutch, Jumpsuit, Shiny, Shorts) (, , , , , , )

A posting described this Stella McCartney outfit as a “romper.” I think that is being kind. Unless “romper” is the new code word for a wrinkled-parachute-buttoned-up-shapeless-colorless-shorts-outfit-with-pockets-slapped-on-the thighs. If so, then I completely agree! Spot-on description.

Can I say that I am really tired of Kate Hudson? I am not passionate enough about her to spout off in an emotionally-charged fashion (like I did about JLo on Monday). But I’ve had enough of the spunkiness, the goofiness, the isn’t-it-weird-how-I’m-my-mother’s-identical-clone-ness, the I-kissed-another-boy-while-playing-tennis-because-I-don’t-believe-in-monogamy-ness, and the my-son-really-WANTS-his-hair-to-be-this-long-ness.

And mostly, I’m just tired that every single movie she is in seems EXACTLY the same. Tell me *how* exactly Fool’s Gold differed from Raising Helen differed from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days? Cuz I swear she was playing the exact same role in each and every one of those movies.

Oh, wait. I guess I am passionate enough to spout off in an emotionally-charged fashion.

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Demure

September 17, 2008 at 11:41 am (Kirsten Dunst, Suspenders, Tank) (, , , , , , )

No one would really describe me as demure. I’m more tell-it-like-it-is. Straight Talk Express, without the John McCain. I don’t do demure or coquettish or coy.

And Kirsten Dunst shouldn’t do demure either. She’s 24 and has been a professional actor since kindergarten. Gimme a break. Demure my arse.

So why does she sport this coy stance? The unmade face, rumpled hair, adolescent skirt with completely useless shoestring suspenders and spaghetti strap tank don’t do her any justice.

She is lovely. She is talented. She is successful. Look like it, dang it! Stand up straight! Wear a bra! Put on some make up! And please, please, please wear some better clothes!

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Tripe dreams

September 17, 2008 at 10:14 am (All Black, Belt, Checkered, Clutch, Lace) (, , , , , , )

I can’t help but see an engorged large intestine in the trim on Selma Blair’s Chanel dress. Sure, intestines aren’t black. And they aren’t wrapped decoratively around your neck and knees. But you get the idea.

And once I saw said large intestine, I just couldn’t like this dress. The lace is fine. The belt is great. The checkerboard pattern is tolerable. But all I see are intestines, intestines, intestines. And a funny hairdo.

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