Trompe l’oeil

December 23, 2008 at 9:41 am (Belt, Draped, Paris Hilton, Suits) (, , , , , , )

In architecture, this shirt would be a trompe l’oeil. Given that it’s Paris, though, should it be a tramp l’oeil?

I think this is what Fred Flinstone would wear if he had to wear a suit– cartoonish and silly. And the skirt, tights and shoes are dullsville.

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New kind of crazy

December 19, 2008 at 12:50 pm (All Black, Cardigan, Lily Allen, Pleated, Sheer) (, , , , , , )

Lily Allen’s always been her own brand of crazy, but now she’s mixing it up to be a new kind of crazy. I like the move toward sophisticated, but don’t think that a sheer full-body condom is quite necessary.

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I kissed a girl

December 18, 2008 at 1:58 pm (Corsage, Feathers, Headband, Metallic, Shiny, Strapless, Tights, Uncategorized, Zooey Deschanel) (, , , , , , )

Zooey Deschanel seems to be going for the Lily Allen look-alike award. The outfit, the hair, the pose. I don’t like that trend. Next thing you know she’ll have a Christmas tree on her head. It starts innocently with some shimmery silver tights and is a slippery downhill slope from there.

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Tired

December 12, 2008 at 4:38 pm (Animal Print, Bows, Fergie, Lingerie) (, , , , , , )

I’m tired. It’s been a long week. And I can’t drink right now. So, suffice it to say that I don’t like Fergie’s outfit.  You can determine the 47 reasons why. Have a good weekend.

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Jolie

December 12, 2008 at 3:40 pm (Belt, Kim Kardashian, Ruffles, Strapless) (, , , , , , )

Apparently Kim Kardashian just hired Angelina Jolie’s stylist. So why does Angelina look chic and elegant and Kim look silly and large-headed?

I’ll grant you that Kim’s…ah…physique is hard to dress. And I like the turn toward sleek and classy. But this D&G dress is all wrong for her. I think I’d love it on Natalie Portman or Nicole Kidman. But I hat it on Kim. It doesn’t suit her proportions. And her hairdo makes the proportions even worse.

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QVC

December 11, 2008 at 1:15 pm (Bangles, Belt, Buttons, Clutch, Costume, Metallic, Military, Paula Abdul, Ruffles, Sequins, Shiny) (, , , , , )

Sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

Is this how you have to dress to sell jewelry of QVC? Or is Paula Abdul competing in the Michael Jackson dress-alike contest?

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Oh dear

December 11, 2008 at 1:03 pm (Bows, Metallic, Pleated, Sashes, Scarlett Johansson, Strapless) (, , , , , , )

Oh dear. Where to start with this disappointment of a dress?

Chesty gals should NOT wear frou-frou bodices. You’ve got the girls. You don’t need to adorn them with anything else. No bows. No tuxedo-collar wings. Just a simple bodice that highlights what everyone is already looking at anyways.

And why does she always stand a little pigeon toed?

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Something nice

December 10, 2008 at 11:04 am (Bows, Buttons, Diane Kruger, High Waisted, Jumpsuit, Tuxedo) (, , , , , , )

Mama always said, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” So here goes something nice: “I like Diane Kruger’s shoes.”

Shit, that’s no fun. I mean, look at her Chanel outfit. And her enthusiastic facial expression. I’d have that look, too, if I looked four years old in a jumpsuit featuring bow tie and satin high-waisted pants.

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Rant and rave

December 9, 2008 at 1:51 pm (Denim, Tom Cruise) (, , , , , , , , )

WARNING: This post isn’t about fashion. It is just a general ranting and raving about Tom Cruise.

I pride myself for being on the “Tom Cruise is Totally Annoying” bandwagon long before he met Katie and jumped on any couches. I found him to be a) a complete tool and b) an over-actor loooong before it was popular.

But I provide this photo as evidence on a long list of “Tom Cruise is Totally Annoying” evidence.

Remember your high school friend’s mom who tried way too hard to be hip, cool, and with it? Using the kid’s slang improperly, dressing far too young, and acting like a dork? Well, friends, guess what? That is Tom Cruise.

Here he is showing his “moves” on MuchMusic. And he’s giving eloping advice to the second and third most annoying people on earth: Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag. Who decided to put Tom Cruise on The Hills: Live After the Show anyways? He’s 46 years old, for heaven’s sake! Were Mickey Rooney,  Helen Mirren and Clint Eastwood already booked?

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What a mess

December 8, 2008 at 12:53 pm (Hat, Hot Pants, Pamela Anderson, T-Shirt) (, , , , , , )

Pamela Anderson’s outfit is a complete and total mess.

Is it grunge? Is it a cover-up for a Flintstone-inspired bathing suit? Is it artsy? Is it quirky?

I say it is none of these. It’s just plain odd.

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