Props

March 10, 2009 at 9:56 am (Asymmetrical, Boots, Cardigan, Diane Kruger, Fur, Metallic, Ruffles, Shiny, Tights) (, , , , , , )

I guess you gotta give Diane Kruger some props for trying. She tries very hard. And she is usually soooo close.

But, as they say, close only counts in horseshoes.  Certainly not in fashion.

The Roberto Cavallichain link dress seems a little frumpy figure skater. And I don’t get the fur shrug with dress. Put it on a tailored Dita von Teese or Victoria Beckham look and I get it. But with an edgy dress and trash sack booties? Nuh-uh.

Advertisements

Permalink Leave a Comment

Proportion and color

December 4, 2008 at 4:54 pm (Asymmetrical, Beaded, Debra Messing) (, , , , , , )

Debra, Debra, Debra. Let’s talk about proportion and color. Cuz this Donna Karan dress scores low on both.

If you have a smaller chest, you should not wear a dress that billows out at the bottom. It makes your minimal top half look non-existent. Unless, of course, you want too look like a boy. Or look concave.

Then color. If you are paler than 95% of the human race, you should not wear flesh tones. I am not a big fan of flesh tone clothing in general, but am especially vehement against them when you have no natural skin pigment.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Yeesh

December 4, 2008 at 1:02 pm (Asymmetrical, Nicole Kidman) (, , , , , , )

I am getting more and more scared with every picture of Nicole Kidman. This Stella McCartney dress highlights her uber-thinness. While she was never a meaty gal, she is frighteningly thin.

Permalink 1 Comment

Mojo

November 10, 2008 at 4:07 pm (Asymmetrical, Clutch, Costume, Hat, Salma Hayek) (, , , , , , )

I *really* want Salma Hayek to get her mojo back.

Where is the va-va-voom? I don’t see it in this Stella McCartney dress. Sure, the event had a twenties feel. But I think the color makes her look washed out, the fit does nothing to highlight her tremendous assets, and the beaded skull cap is just awkward.

On the plus side, she has moved away from her previous Morticia-Addams-cover-every-inch-of-skin looks. Perhaps we should just be pleased with progress.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Wearable art

October 22, 2008 at 9:11 am (Asymmetrical, Beaded, Brooch, Clutch, Katie Lee Joel, Metallic, Sarah Jessica Parker, Sequins, Shiny, Tights) (, , , , , , , , )

I get that the Mobile Art Chanel Contemporary Art Container opening is about fashion as art, and not necessarily about what’s wearable or salable. So, if there is a time to go conceptual, forward, quirky, this is it.

Nevertheless, Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a Chanel bag lady and Katie Lee Joel looks like Flapper Pocahontas.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Antics

October 14, 2008 at 2:05 pm (Asymmetrical, Belt, Ruffles, Sheer, Sophie Monk, Underwear) (, , , , , , )

I don’t care for Sophie Monk’s gray one-shouldered jumpsuit. But I *really* don’t care for the underwear on her head.

Call me a purist, but I don’t think antics belong on the red carpet. I get that you are here to sell your new line of shapewear. Truly, I do. I just don’t think you need to put them on your head. Honestly. There. Are. Panties. On. Your. Head.

Nothing about these photos make me want to rush out and buy your fabulously designed shapewear, Sophie. In fact, it produces the exact opposite effect. If *not* buying the item you’re hawking prevents behavior like this, then that’s what I’ll do.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Slip up

October 14, 2008 at 11:26 am (Asymmetrical, Beaded, Clutch, Draped, Rachel Weisz, Shiny) (, , , , , , , )

Normally I love Rachel Weisz. She always looks classic and elegant, but with a little sultry twist.

I was a bit disappointed in this Narciso Rodriguez dress. I don’t hate it, but the top seems incongruous withe the bottom.

The top says LBD with the tight beaded bodice and a slight bondage/choking vibe. Then the bottom has a wispy ethereal quality that doesn’t make sense with the top.

Finally, the wisp of slip at her thigh just makes me think of my grandmother saying, “Do you think she knows her slip is showing?”

Permalink Leave a Comment

From a distance

October 13, 2008 at 10:24 am (Asymmetrical, Checkered, Leather, Lindsay Lohan, Sheer) (, , , , , , )

From a distance (to quote a sappy Bette Midler), Lindsay Lohan looks ok. Zooming in tells a completely different story. She becomes a trainwreck.

Exhibit A: Spray Tan. How did they miss her knees and ankles? And is she really that pasty and ashen?

Exhibit B: Sheer Top. You can see the tag on the side, and there seems to have been a rip near her right boob that was shoddily fixed.

Exhibit C: Bra Strap. Three cheers that she wore a bra, given the sheerness of the top and her propensity to go without support. But why not a strapless bra?

I think she should have kept her leather jacket on!

Permalink Leave a Comment

Batik sling

September 25, 2008 at 5:59 pm (Asymmetrical, Draped, Kristen Bell, Stripes) (, , , , , , )

Kristen Bell seems to be sporting a rainbow batik boob sling. Perhaps a rainbow is appropriate forand event called Outfest, but it that don’t make it good fashion.

I feel like I’m drunk and staring at tv test screen. “This is a test of the Emergency Fashion Broadcast system. If this had been an actual fashion emergency, the signal you just heard would be followed by official fashion information, news or instruction.”

Permalink Leave a Comment

Yay or nay?

August 22, 2008 at 12:07 pm (Asymmetrical, Belt, Brooch, Draped, Lucy Liu, Melanie Brown, Ruffles, Sequins, Shiny) (, , , , , , , , )

I already know how I’ll be voting in November, but I am undecided on this dress that Lucy Liu wore to the Barack Obama Black and White Gala last night.

On one hand, I like it soooo much more than Melanie Brown’s tacky too tight, too shiny, too low, too sparkly dress. But I am not sure that liking it more than Mel B’s dress means that I like it overall. I mean, I’d like a flour sack better than Mel B’s dress.

I like the the top of Lucy Liu’s dress. The belt and brooch are tolerable. The draping of the skirt along the waist is very pretty. But the draped mermaid tail at the bottom makes her look like a tootsie roll wrapper. And can we once-and-for-all retire the Heidi braided headband hairstyle? Pleeeeeezzzzeeeee?

Permalink Leave a Comment

Next page »