Split personality

December 2, 2008 at 1:09 pm (Beaded, Beyonce, Brooch, Lace) (, , , , , , )

Is Beyonce suffering from a split personality?

One day she is Sasha Fierce in a robo-glove, and the next day she is Miss South Carolina in the mother of all beauty pageant dresses by Zuhair Murad. With pageant hair to match. And why do her bosoms look like they have been encased and shellacked in a Glad trash bag?

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You got me at the bangs

November 14, 2008 at 3:17 pm (All Black, Brooch, Draped, Jessica Alba, Necklace) (, , , , , , )

I can hardly look past Jessica Alba’s  bangs to see the Gucci dress.

Are we really going to try this bang thing? It didn’t work for Katie Holmes. It didn’t work for Christina Aguilera. Sure, it looks cute on Suri, but she also still wears a diaper. So, Jessica, I don’t recommend keeping this hair style.

As for the dress, it is OK. Kinda bleeech, but OK. If I worked to have my body look that good, no way would I choose a drapey, slouchy, bunchy black number.

I know that statement vintage accessories are all the rage, but it kinda looks a frilly pocket watch chain. All she needs is a smoking jacket and a monocle.

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Wearable art

October 22, 2008 at 9:11 am (Asymmetrical, Beaded, Brooch, Clutch, Katie Lee Joel, Metallic, Sarah Jessica Parker, Sequins, Shiny, Tights) (, , , , , , , , )

I get that the Mobile Art Chanel Contemporary Art Container opening is about fashion as art, and not necessarily about what’s wearable or salable. So, if there is a time to go conceptual, forward, quirky, this is it.

Nevertheless, Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a Chanel bag lady and Katie Lee Joel looks like Flapper Pocahontas.

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Cry for help

October 8, 2008 at 2:54 pm (Aubrey O'Day, Brooch, Headband, Metallic, T-Shirt) (, , , , , , , )

This isn’t an outfit. This is a cry for help. And for hair dye.

I am sure the Obama campaign is very proud of this celebrity endorsement. It will help them secure the white trash skanky vote. Or perhaps she’ll do a lap dance for anyone in Ohio or Florida who will vote for Obama rather than McCain.

PS That poor dog. His t-shirt says “I bark 4 Obama.”

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September 30, 2008 at 2:29 pm (All Black, Brooch, Salma Hayek) (, , , , , , )

Who forced Salma Hayekto wear the dowdy pilgrim home-ec Morticia Adams Balenciaga dress? Maybe this is her “I’m just friends with Francois-Henri Pinault” dress.

She has an unbelievable, gravity defying figure. Why oh why does she cover up every bit of skin? Why is so accessorizing with her grandma’s rhinestone brooch? Please, Salma. Bring sexy back.

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I demand a recount

August 26, 2008 at 2:00 pm (Brooch, Michelle Obama) (, , , , , )

I really like Michelle Obama. And I think her speech at last night’s Democratic National Convention was great. But her choice of this Maria Pinto dress demands a recount.

First off– the color. The turquoise color didn’t look good against the bright blue backdrop, and she looked like a turquoise version of Grimace.

Second–the cut. Her bra strap showed on occasion, and the expanse of unfettered material was uber-boring. No defined waistline, no seaming, nothing to add interest. It looks like it was sewed from a Simplicity “It’s So Easy” clothing pattern. The length was a tad too long. I get that she needed to be demure with her knees covered, but it could have still been two inches shorter. And, while she is by no means big, the cut of this dress did nothing for her hips or her backside.

Finally–the pin. What’s up with that Erickson Beamon brooch? Maybe she was trying to create focal point for the close-up shots. Is it a sunburst? A daisy? A subliminal symbol of hope, future progress and prosperity all wrapped into one metal-and-stone accessory?

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Yay or nay?

August 22, 2008 at 12:07 pm (Asymmetrical, Belt, Brooch, Draped, Lucy Liu, Melanie Brown, Ruffles, Sequins, Shiny) (, , , , , , , , )

I already know how I’ll be voting in November, but I am undecided on this dress that Lucy Liu wore to the Barack Obama Black and White Gala last night.

On one hand, I like it soooo much more than Melanie Brown’s tacky too tight, too shiny, too low, too sparkly dress. But I am not sure that liking it more than Mel B’s dress means that I like it overall. I mean, I’d like a flour sack better than Mel B’s dress.

I like the the top of Lucy Liu’s dress. The belt and brooch are tolerable. The draping of the skirt along the waist is very pretty. But the draped mermaid tail at the bottom makes her look like a tootsie roll wrapper. And can we once-and-for-all retire the Heidi braided headband hairstyle? Pleeeeeezzzzeeeee?

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