Linebacker

February 17, 2009 at 11:24 am (Belt, Clutch, Kim Kardashian, Leather, Shoulder pads, Tank) (, , , , , )

This season seems to be about shoulder pads. I’m not sure how well this translates from runway to real life.

Case in point: Kim Kardashian.

She actually looks great. Hair and make up- great. Outfit- not earth shattering, but she looks OK. Shoulder pads- Hmmmm, not feeling the love. I get the idea, but it’s a little to edgy for her to pull off.

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Teese

February 4, 2009 at 4:57 pm (All Black, Clutch, Costume, Dita von Teese, Fur, Headband) (, , , , , , )

I get that Dita Von Teese is going for a particular look. And that her look is inherently costumey. I can live with that on her.

But what on God’s green earth is she wearing on her head?

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Hospital gown

January 27, 2009 at 1:24 pm (Clutch, Natalie Portman, Sashes) (, , , , , , )

Did Natalie Portman become the spokesperson for a new line of organic Japanese hospital gowns? What else would compel her to don this sad frock?

I think she got her combover styled at the Donald Trump hair salon. It looks like a female version of The Donald’s infamous ‘do — frizzy ends and all.

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Spitballs

January 26, 2009 at 5:52 pm (Clutch, Marcia Cross, Strapless) (, , , , , , , )

I don’t think I’m feeling the Carolina Herrera love this season. I *hated* Renee Zellweger’s Golden Globes dress, and I ain’t too crazy about Marcia Cross’ dress either.

It looks like she started with a prom-like iridescent blue/purple dress, and then the crowd blew black spitballs at her while she walked down the red carpet. Or like she was attacked by a sinister flock of black origami cranes.

And doesn’t the angular nature of the black ‘things’ only accentuate the unattractive angularness of her shoulders?

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Why the fuss?

January 26, 2009 at 2:10 pm (Beaded, Clutch, Draped, Eva Longoria, Necklace, Pastels, Ruffles, Sheer) (, , , , , , , )

Eva Longoria Parker went from her Golden Globes fashion high to this SAG awards lowest of lows. Her red Golden Globes dress was simple, sleek and streamlined. This look….aaah…umm…isn’t.

Eva, why all the fuss? You are 5’2″ tall. I say avoid the flounce and flourish when you are that height.  And, unless you are literally performing a triple lutz that minute on ice, there is no reason for a built-in-necklace-with-sheer-overlay.

The whole look is giving me an orange sherbet push-up brain freeze.

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Hourglass

January 20, 2009 at 4:26 pm (Beaded, Clutch, Jennifer Lopez, Metallic) (, , , , , , )

By golly, hit me over the head.

If you want the appearance of an hourglass figure, I guess it makes sense to stick an enormous be-dazzled hourglass on your dress, huh?

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Happy Golden Globes, Mr. President

January 12, 2009 at 11:22 am (Clutch, Costume, Draped, Drew Barrymore, Sheer) (, , , , , , , )

Overall, I was surprised how fussy most of the dresses were at last night’s Golden Globes. In these difficult times, I thought the looks would veer toward sleek and simple. Boy, was I wrong! Instead, ladies brought out the triple arsenal of glitter, bling and big hair.

I had two actual wince moments. Here is the first: Drew Barrymore. I didn’t hate the John Galliano dress per se, but I did not like the overall Marilyn Monroe sexpot look. It felt far too literal, too stale, and too heavy handed. Can’t you just *smell* all the Aqua Net?

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Hef

January 9, 2009 at 11:51 am (All Black, Belt, Clutch, Jessica Alba, Pajamas, Polka Dots) (, , , , , , )

Really? Really, Jessica Alba?

You want us to buy cropped satin pajamas as high fashion? They may be Dolce and Gabbana, but it looks more like the House of Hef. All you need are velvet slippers and a post coitus cigarette.

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QVC

December 11, 2008 at 1:15 pm (Bangles, Belt, Buttons, Clutch, Costume, Metallic, Military, Paula Abdul, Ruffles, Sequins, Shiny) (, , , , , )

Sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

Is this how you have to dress to sell jewelry of QVC? Or is Paula Abdul competing in the Michael Jackson dress-alike contest?

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Poodle

November 25, 2008 at 3:08 pm (All Black, Cardigan, Clutch, Katie Lee Joel, Knit, Tights) (, , , , , , )

Two questions: 1.) Why would anyone invite Katie Lee Joel to the Australia premiere? 2.) Why the heck did she come dressed as a black standard poodle?

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