Mojo

November 10, 2008 at 4:07 pm (Asymmetrical, Clutch, Costume, Hat, Salma Hayek) (, , , , , , )

I *really* want Salma Hayek to get her mojo back.

Where is the va-va-voom? I don’t see it in this Stella McCartney dress. Sure, the event had a twenties feel. But I think the color makes her look washed out, the fit does nothing to highlight her tremendous assets, and the beaded skull cap is just awkward.

On the plus side, she has moved away from her previous Morticia-Addams-cover-every-inch-of-skin looks. Perhaps we should just be pleased with progress.

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JonBenet

November 7, 2008 at 4:52 pm (All Black, Clutch, Deep V, Hayden Panettiere, Leggings, Metallic, Necklace, Vest) (, , , , , , )

OK– this photo of Hayden Panettiere really creeped me out. It reminds me of those weird, highly made up, suggestively dressed four-year-old pageant girls. And she’s wearing a leash of a necklace.

Is anyone watching out for this girl?

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Fine line

October 31, 2008 at 10:47 am (Clutch, Hayden Panettiere, Lace, Metallic) (, , , , , , )

It’s a fine line between sexy and skanky. Especially when you’re nineteen. So, memo to Hayden Panettiere: you’ve definitely moved toward skanky with this dress.

Here is a general recipe for SKANK:
Combine 2 cups of Too Tight and 1/2 cup of Too Shiny. Add 1 cup of Black Lace and  1/2 cup of Bordello; stir until well blended. Add 2 tbsp of Heavy Black Eyeliner and garnish with two uplifted boobs. Serve immediately to a boyfriend twelve years older than you.

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Sack dress

October 22, 2008 at 11:50 am (Clutch, Necklace, Rosario Dawson, Ruffles, Tank) (, , , , , , , )

I am decidedly *not* feeling the love for Rosario Dawson’s Burberry dress. Let me count the ways:

Shape: What shape? It is snooze boring and utterly shapeless.
Color: What color? Puce green? Even *if* the color didn’t photograph well, it’s still not an attractive color.
Accessories: More snooze. Plain black clutch. Plain black pumps. Plain black beaded necklace.
Undergarments: I suggest you wear some.

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Wearable art

October 22, 2008 at 9:11 am (Asymmetrical, Beaded, Brooch, Clutch, Katie Lee Joel, Metallic, Sarah Jessica Parker, Sequins, Shiny, Tights) (, , , , , , , , )

I get that the Mobile Art Chanel Contemporary Art Container opening is about fashion as art, and not necessarily about what’s wearable or salable. So, if there is a time to go conceptual, forward, quirky, this is it.

Nevertheless, Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a Chanel bag lady and Katie Lee Joel looks like Flapper Pocahontas.

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Rockette

October 21, 2008 at 11:06 am (Beaded, Clutch, Elizabeth Banks, Sequins) (, , , , , , )

Elizabeth Banks chose a very tinsel-y, bead-y, glitter-y Rockette Dolce and Gabbana minidress for the premiere of Zach and Miri Make a Porno (which I have absolutely zero desire to see).

I’m not crazy about the dress, but am even less crazy about the fact that she looks twice her age in it. The Jackie O hairdo, the matchy-matchy prom shoes and purse, and the staid accessories mature her way to much.

She channeled way too much Laura Bush and not enough Miri.

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Dancing queen

October 17, 2008 at 10:12 am (Clutch, Harem pants, Katie Holmes, Lace, Necklace, Shiny, Strapless) (, , , , , , )

I look at a lot of celebrity pictures. It’s kinda a hobby. Some make me swoon. Some make me laugh. Some make me shake my head in puzzlement. But very few make me really cringe. Cringe as in furrowed-brow-while-covering-my-eyes cringe.

This one made me cringe. What is it? Has wacky Katie Holmes gown to “fashion designing” again? I really just don’t get it. At all.

Now, I’m not a fan of jumpsuits. But I could see the white pants and strapless top combo as a jumpsuit. Retro seventies. Dancing queen. Harem pants. Not a favorite look, but one I could at least understand.

I have absolutely no clue how that seventies disco vibe coordinates with a sheer lace top. What!?!? Then we’ve added the eighties power-suit necklace and I’m utterly confused.

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Slip up

October 14, 2008 at 11:26 am (Asymmetrical, Beaded, Clutch, Draped, Rachel Weisz, Shiny) (, , , , , , , )

Normally I love Rachel Weisz. She always looks classic and elegant, but with a little sultry twist.

I was a bit disappointed in this Narciso Rodriguez dress. I don’t hate it, but the top seems incongruous withe the bottom.

The top says LBD with the tight beaded bodice and a slight bondage/choking vibe. Then the bottom has a wispy ethereal quality that doesn’t make sense with the top.

Finally, the wisp of slip at her thigh just makes me think of my grandmother saying, “Do you think she knows her slip is showing?”

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Emmy let down

September 22, 2008 at 10:01 am (All Black, All White, America Ferrara, Christina DeRosa, Clutch, Costume, Draped, Necklace, Ruffles, Shiny) (, , , , , , , , )

We have two examples on the Emmy red carpet don’t list today.

First, America Ferrara normally is on our A list, and she simply faltered this time around. I love her in color with a fitted silhouette. Why she deviated from that magic formula, I’m not sure. But I am real sure that it didn’t look good.

The vintage Werle dress is too voluminous for her, especially with the ruching. The heavy necklace, dark color, and long hair just weighed her down more. We look forward to a better attempt next time, America. Remember that color and fun are your friends!

Christina DeRosa, on the other hand, falters regularly. I think she confuses the red carpet with a Halloween party, and loves to make every look into a costume. If she can show off the girls in the process, even better!

This is just a bad senorita stereotype all around. From the ridiculous fan color to the clutch purse to the tacky platform shoes. Worst off all, the look says cheap, cheap, cheap. Ugh. There aren’t even words.

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Bruno oh no

September 17, 2008 at 7:42 pm (Bows, Charlize Theron, Clutch, Gladiator Sandal, Plaid) (, , , , , , )

Charlize Theron’s Vanessa Bruno dress is definitely a fashion don’t.

It looks like Martha Stewart dyed a worn-out homemade dress in a tea bath and then glue gunned a light blue ribbon to the crotch.

It’s not a good thing.

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