Orange you glad to see me?

February 13, 2009 at 11:12 am (Cut-outs, Lace, Michelle Monaghan, Ruffles, Sheer, Tulle) (, , , , , )

I was on a little vacation, and came back to see Michelle Monaghan wearing this Louis Vuitton train wreck.

Whaaaaat? Was I gone too long? Did my eye sight get distorted from too much sun? WTF is this thing? And what would compel anyone (other than Madonna, who is paid to wear Vuitton) to wear this monstrosity?

Advertisements

Permalink Leave a Comment

Sheer disaster

January 12, 2009 at 2:51 pm (All Black, Corset, Cut-outs, Renee Zellweger, Sheer) (, , , , , , , )

The other wince dress of the Golden Globes for me was Renee Zellweger. Usually I love Carolina Herrera. And I like to concept of this look. I don’t know what went with the execution. I think there is too much going on. And it’s bad.

I like the sheer top and corset concept. But it is overwrought with the mock neck, the pegged sleeves, and the mermaid skirt. Then you add Renee’s always-odd red carpet contortionist posing style and the ponytail extension hairdo, and any effort at elegance or minimalism is out the window.

Permalink 1 Comment

Dots a go-go

September 18, 2008 at 2:41 pm (Agyness Deyn, Cut-outs, Hat, Polka Dots, Sheer) (, , , , , , )

Is Agyness Deyn starring in a maxi pad commercial? Why else would someone sport so many dots?

I will begin by saying that designer Henry Holland ain’t my cup of tea. So I probably wasn’t going to like anything shown or worn at this London runway show.

I guess, unless I morph into a Cyndi-Lauper-meets-Wham-circa-1982, it’s a good thing that I don’t like the House of Holland.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Oy Vay O’Day

September 12, 2008 at 1:02 pm (Aubrey O'Day, Boots, Cut-outs, Sequins, Stripes) (, , , , , , )

We know Aubrey O’Day has high needs for attention. She’ll do whatever it takes to get her picture taken. Imagine her and Bai Ling and Phoebe Price stranded together on an island with no photographers. Heaven.

We hate to give her the attention she craves by posting her fashion choices. So let’s not focus on her. Instead, what compelled Giuseppe Zanotti to make these crazy peep toe shoe boots? Perhaps he was inspired by his dog’s neck cone? Maybe she is joining a stiletto soccer game and needs couture shin guards?

I like the version on his website, without the extended calf cuff. This version feels like an exaggerated ankle strap, but is still within the realm of reason.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Going for gold

August 25, 2008 at 9:56 am (Cut-outs, Deep V, Headband, Paris Hilton, Sequins, Shiny, Stretch) (, , , , , , )

Unless Paris Hilton is participating in an Olympic sport, there is no good excuse for this outfit. While our expectations from Ms. Hilton aren’t high in the first place, this get-up is truly ridiculous. It isn’t flattering, it isn’t functional, and sure as heck isn’t fashionable.

And just in case you didn’t know who she is, it was particularly kind of her to emblazon her name along her T, with a follow-up across her A.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Second glance

July 22, 2008 at 11:32 am (All Black, Bows, Cut-outs, Deep V, Kate Walsh, Sashes) (, , , , , )

It took a second glance to recognize the craziness of Kate Walsh’s dress.

First glance: kinda cute, rather nondescript, but no obvious components to hate, detest and revile.

Second glance: WHOAAAAA Nelly! What is the deal with this dress? What is that in the back? A cape? A rear-facing bib? A mud-flap?

Permalink 1 Comment

Battlestar Galactica

July 7, 2008 at 9:33 am (Belt, Clutch, Cut-outs, Deep V, Draped, Gladiator Sandal, Jennifer Lopez, Maxi-dress, Scarf) (, , , , )

I’m starting to see a little Elizabeth Taylor in Jennifer Lopez. She seems to be going for Liz’s Palm-Springs-aging-superstar look.

I’m all for a realistic body image. JLo has always been curvy, and the woman had twins, for heaven’s sake. Most of us have parts of ourselves we’d like to keep covered up. And most of us don’t look half as good as Jennifer Lopez.

But I am getting this vibe from her that she is trying to compensate for some perceived body imperfections. Like she is trying just a little too hard to show is she is still the sexy siren.

Instead, I see a bit of Battlestar Galactica in this outfit. I think it is the mother of all belts. Assuming the tummy area needs a little work after carrying two human beings, why would you wear a stretchy white Stonehenge of a belt?

PS I think JLo has lost her cajones. What is she doing with that little platic tab in her v-neck. JLo of the green Versace dress would never allow that!

Permalink Leave a Comment

Hippy hippy shakes

June 1, 2008 at 9:56 pm (Cut-outs, Draped, Necklace, Rihanna) ()

Thank heavens for the MTV Awards this weekend. It’s been a little slow since Cannes ended, but now we have some new fashion lows to discuss.

First up: Rihanna. Normally I love Rihanna’s slick urban vibe. Perfect for the MTV Awards! But for some reason, she decided to go this little number.

The general cut has a demure fifties feel. The necklace, neckline and sleeves feel quite retro. But then we get the tummy cut-out, creating an odd boob-smooshing bandeau. We finish it off with a skirt, which creates a wave pool effect emanating from her belly button and culminating at her hips.

And what’s the perfect accessory for this mess of a dress? Why, neon green fingernails, of course!?

Permalink Leave a Comment