Happy Birthday, Mr. President

June 26, 2008 at 12:21 pm (All Black, Belt, Deep V, Naomi Campbell, Ruffles, Sheer) (, , , )

Hmmm….what to get humanitarian and activist Nelson Mandela on his 90th birthday? If you are Naomi Campbell, apparently the answer is a flash of the granny panties in this sheer dress.

Perhaps she is still smarting from him personally forbidding her to appear on-stage, after her recent airport tussle.

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Good ship lollypop

June 20, 2008 at 11:31 am (Deep V, Hat, Pastels, Rihanna, Ruffles, Vest) (, )

This skirt is utterly ridiculous. There is no other way to describe it. Is she a conductor on the Good Ship Lollypop? Or the cruise director for the gay carnival cruise to Barbados?

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Good dresses, dresses, and then…

June 19, 2008 at 3:04 pm (Charlize Theron, Deep V, Floral, Fur, Stretch) ()

Charlize Theron has been *everywhere* promoting Hancock. Apparently, according to the trailer, there are heros, there are superheros, and then there is Hancock. An apt analogy for this dress, only this dress sinks rather than sings.

Although not attached at the hip, it seems that she and Will Smith are attached at the neck. But she has been looking pretty fabulous bouncing around Europe (I loved, loved, loved the white dress with the deep V and bubble skirt she wore in Paris). Playing it as edgy as she does, she is bound to misstep on occasion. Like in this Giambattista Valli dress.

The neck wrap is downright scary. Like she is being attacked by celosia plants, or she has raging case of eczema that needs ointment. Badly. The print on the dress itself seems screen printed. Or like that cosmic shrink wrap material can wrap an entire bus.

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Down with jumpsuits

June 16, 2008 at 7:40 pm (All Black, Brooke Shields, Deep V, Jumpsuit, Pockets, Sequins) (, )

I will go on the record firmly and unequivocally. I. DO. NOT. LIKE. JUMPSUITS. I have, on rare occasions, seen one or two that aren’t atrocious. But that is extremely rare. And it is usually because the person is rail thin.

This is not an exception to the jumpsuit rule. Brooke, Brooke, Brooke. Come on. This jumpsuit is wrong on so many levels. It is blousey. It has a low slung belt. The pants are too long (or your heels are too short). The the entire God-forsaken thing is covered in sequins.

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Go team go!

June 12, 2008 at 1:22 pm (Deep V, Kate Moss, Pockets) (, )

I know what Kate Moss is going for here, and she is almost pulling it off. Almost. But, as they say, “almost” only counts in horseshoes.

This outfit looks kinda like an intergalatic cheerleading uniform for a stodgy corporate softball game of Team Banker vs Team Lawyer. I know the photo is at a funny angle, but doesn’t the cut make her shoulders look twice as wide as her hips? Finally, it is just a tad too snug in the waist.

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Kate Hudson (revisited)

June 11, 2008 at 9:44 am (Belt, Deep V, Kate Hudson, Ruffles, Shiny) (, )

Another day. Another horrible Kate Hudson dress. Sigh.

Imagine Miss Kate in a store, shuffling through various dresses hanging on the rack. Basic black? Too boring. Maxi-dress? Too shapeless. A crazy brown, yellow and green Zac Posen number with a ruffled skirt straight from a Mexican restaurant waitress uniform? Perrrrrr-fect!

The top of the dress is ok… interesting but not too psychotic. Then we get to the odd belt that looks like an old Gucci watchband and the the *completely ridiculous* skirt. That skirt will definately help you loose a guy in about ten minutes.

 

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Bridesmaid for Prince

June 10, 2008 at 12:58 pm (Bows, Deep V, Draped, Kate Hudson, Pastels, Sashes, Shiny) (, )

Kate Hudson looks like she is going to be a bridesmaid for Prince in this dress.

Seriously, though, I am a little tired of this look from her. Deep V-neck. Hair inspired by her mom. And the bow at her waist is too much. She does not seem like a bow person to me. In the least.

The hem is kinda fun. Quirky. But I’m not feeling the love on her shoes…

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Map of a trainwreck

June 9, 2008 at 4:12 pm (Caprice Bourret, Deep V, Pastels) (, )

England’s best and brightest came out for the Raisa Grobachev Foundation Event this weekend. Apparently (forgive my ignorance) Caprice is an American-born model, entrepreneur, actress and singer best known in the UK forwearing a see-through dress in 1996. Pardon me, I must have missed the issue where she was named GQ Woman of the Year. Thanks for the help, wikipedia!

Anyways, check out this pistachio confection of a dress!? The color is blindingly saccharine sweet. And the neckline looks like a Celtic knot road map of Candyland. Nine out of ten dentists don’t recommend this dress for women who wear dresses.

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Luxe Tux

June 3, 2008 at 4:24 pm (Ashley Olsen, Deep V, Suits, Tuxedo) ()

We know that Mary-Kate and Ashley fancy themselves as quite fashion forward. It’s hard to predict which trends will gain momentum. But I am guessing that this one ain’t going to catch on.

I will say that I am not on the high-waisted pant bandwagon. Never liked ’em. They make your torso look odd, and put all the focus on the tummy. Why would anyone want that?

Overall, this look is a snooze. The jacket is ok– I like the bolero cut–but it certainly isn’t exceptional. And the rest of the outfit is blah, blah, blah. The blouse looks like a bodysuit circa 1992, and the pants look like something a circus ringleader would wear when taming the lions.

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Take me out of this ball game

May 28, 2008 at 7:55 pm (Deep V, Mariah Carey, Shiny) ()

Here is a classic lesson in the “money doesn’t buy good taste” school of thought. Oy vey! Mariah Carey absolutely has to move on from this look. She’s done it for too long, and it was never in good taste. But now it’s both STALE and not in good taste.

Where to begin (besides with her pitching style)?  The shorts are WAY too tight. There is no way that can be comfortable. And the jacket looks like it was designed for the Hugh Hefner “Girls Next Door” intramural league.

Remember– this is a baseball game. Not South Beach. This photo doesn’t even show her sandals with 4 inch heels. No one ever accused Mariah of being subtle…

 

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