Multiple personalities

January 30, 2009 at 12:32 pm (All Black, Boots, Denim, Rumer Willis) (, , , , , , )

I think Rumer Willis might suffer from a multiple personality disorder.

Sometimes she dresses like a sexpot. Sometimes she dresses like a guy. In this photo, she dresses like she grabbed whatever was laying around on the floor.

I’m not sure that these clothes are even clean. Or that she combed her hair. I sure as heck hope she at least brushed her teeth!

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Chili

January 26, 2009 at 11:37 am (Belt, Denim, High Waisted, Jessica Simpson, Pockets, Tank) (, , , , , , )

Did Jessica Simpson perform at the Chili Cook-off in Podunk, Florida, or did she participate in the chili eating contest? Wowzers.

Now, we all gain a pound or two. Or ten. I have no problem with that. But I do think you need to adapt your fashion choices to compliment your body. And this outfit most definitely does *not* do her any favors.

High waisted pants with huge ass pockets, a double-decker leopard belt, and a tank top? Not exactly figure flattering. And why-oh-why does she always resort to the Jenny-McCarthy-late-90s-MTV facial gestures?

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Rant and rave

December 9, 2008 at 1:51 pm (Denim, Tom Cruise) (, , , , , , , , )

WARNING: This post isn’t about fashion. It is just a general ranting and raving about Tom Cruise.

I pride myself for being on the “Tom Cruise is Totally Annoying” bandwagon long before he met Katie and jumped on any couches. I found him to be a) a complete tool and b) an over-actor loooong before it was popular.

But I provide this photo as evidence on a long list of “Tom Cruise is Totally Annoying” evidence.

Remember your high school friend’s mom who tried way too hard to be hip, cool, and with it? Using the kid’s slang improperly, dressing far too young, and acting like a dork? Well, friends, guess what? That is Tom Cruise.

Here he is showing his “moves” on MuchMusic. And he’s giving eloping advice to the second and third most annoying people on earth: Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag. Who decided to put Tom Cruise on The Hills: Live After the Show anyways? He’s 46 years old, for heaven’s sake! Were Mickey Rooney,  Helen Mirren and Clint Eastwood already booked?

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Ad nauseam

August 29, 2008 at 1:53 pm (Cardigan, Denim, Floral, Katie Holmes, Pleated) (, , , , , )

I am torn between being totally repulsed and totally glued to Katie Holmes watch- NYC 08. On one hand, can’t the girl just go to rehearsals without being photographed ad nauseam? On the other hand, what crazy thing will she do with denim today?

What a quandary– avert our eyes or keep a rapt attention?

I felt the same tension toward the end of the Olympics. Michael Phelps had achieved his mission, I had watched four consecutive nights of beach volleyball,and I don’t really know anything about rhythmic gymnastics. So should I keep watching Bob Costas, or should I actually get off the dang couch and be productive?

My answer to the Olympic question was to keep watching, watching hours of TV watching until I cross-eyed. My answer to the Katie Holmes question is to keep blogging, especially when she wears this Missoni pleated floral shapeless “dress” with a Mr. Rogers cardigan. It’s like gawking at a traffic accident–we just can’t turn away. God help us.

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Does that make me crazy? Possibly.

August 26, 2008 at 9:47 am (Beyonce, Boots, Denim, Draped, Feathers, Kim Kardashian, Necklace, Solange Knowles, T-Shirt) (, , , , , , , , , )

It must be hard to be Beyonce’s little sister. The lady is super-beautiful, super-talented, and (apparently) super-nice. She can sing, she can dance, she can act…she’s got it all.

Since Beyonce has taken all those superlatives for herself, it seems that Solange Knowles decided to go for the last descriptive left… crazy.

To her credit, Solange completely excels at crazy. The girl *owns* crazy. Hook, line and sinker. Case in point: her get up for last night’s Letterman appearance. Is she for real? A topshop feather bolero jacket? A ten-pound gold chain? And schizophrenic booties?

It is a sad day when Kim Kardashian shows up looking twenty times classier.

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Losing my lunch

August 25, 2008 at 2:02 pm (Denim, Katie Holmes, Sneakers) (, , , , , , )

I really don’t feel well. I think I am going to lose my lunch on this one. It is really that nauseatingly, horribly, side-splittingly bad. It’s not just bad fashion. It’s plain old take-me-to-the-ER-to-have-my-stomach-pumped bad.

When Katie Holmes spent the last month running around New York in men’s prps jeans, I didn’t like her peg-and-roll look, but at least I thought it was endearing that she was wearing Tom’s jeans while they were separated. It seemed cute in an eighth-grade sort of way. Like writing “I © Tom” on her notebook.

Not now we realize that they aren’t HIS jeans after all. What we have here is a case of HIS AND HERS jeans. With complimentary sneakers. That is a whole different category. We moved from cute to creepy. From endearing to nauseating.

Even poor Suri is hiding her head in shame.

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Head injury

August 25, 2008 at 1:49 pm (All Black, Denim, Feathers, Headband, January Jones, Tank) (, , , , , , , )

Did January Jones trip and fall on her way to the Mad Men season two wrap party? Is she bleeding excessively from her head? Shouldn’t someone be calling 911? Why else would she have this appendage super-glued to her head?

Seriously, though. I saw the head-shot first and thought, “a little costume-y, but with the right outfit I’ll give it a pass.” Mad Men does specialize in period clothing, so this event could carry a forties- or fifties-inspired look. While I could never fully endorse a sheer headband/scarf adorned with feathers, I could understand what she was going for.

Then I saw the full body photo. She definitely did NOT go for a forties- or fifties-inspired look. She’s wearing a flippin’ tank top and low-ride skinny jeans. Why *that* outfit gets a feathered headband is absolutely beyond me.

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The trend that keeps on rolling

August 14, 2008 at 11:13 am (Ashley Tisdale, Denim, Shorts, Tank) (, , , , , , )

The baggy jean pegging and rolling trend just gets worse and worse. We have baggy jeans on the red carpet, Katie Holmes wearing the same jeans every dang day, and now Ashley Tisdale is rolling up her baggy jean shorts. Ugh.

Stop. The. Insanity.

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There’s no place like home

August 6, 2008 at 2:28 pm (Deep V, Denim, Katie Holmes, Sequins, Suri Cruise) (, , , , , , )

Did Katie Holmes pack a weekend duffel bag for her stay in New York? And isn’t NYC usually unbearably hot in the summer? She’s been wearing these pegged Prps Jeans every dang day, with long-sleeved sweaters and cardigans, as if she doesnt have any other clothes.

The Wizard of Oz quotes about her shoes are whizzing around my head. Is she off to see the wizard? Is there no place like home? Is Suri  really Toto? Sweaters and pegged jeans and flats, oh my! I know we’re not in Kansas!

Finally, what is up with Suri Cruise? Sure, she is cute as a dumpling. But how can a two year-old be on a swing and not break out in a huge grin? It doesn’t seem natural. Maybe those bottles she still uses put her in a trance?

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Teen (bad fashion) choice award

August 4, 2008 at 9:25 am (David Beckham, Denim, Joy Lauren, Necklace, Pastels, Plaid, Shorts, Tank, Vest) (, , , , , , , , )

It’s probably a little tough to dress for the Teen Choice Awards. The average age of the viewing audience is about 15. So people who really are about 15 want to look older and more sophisticated, but still trendy. Those who are double the target age (or older!) are painfully trying to still look relevant and hip. Instead, you get Brian Austin Green failing to look either hip or trendy.

Here is exhibit A: Teens Trying to Look Older- Joy Lauren.

Here is exhibit B: Non-Teens Trying to Look
Hip and Relevant- Most of the people in the room over the age of 30. Let’s start with David Beckham and move to Mariah Carey, Randy Jackson, Adam Sandler, etc.

In all these cases, I say: Dress Your Age! If you are young and perky, don’t dress like you are 50 in a below-the-knee black skirt, unflattering vest, and matronly pearl necklace.

And if you age doesn’t end in -teen anymore, please acknowledge that. You can still look relevant and trendy without going to extremes. It’s better for people to think you look great for your age. Nothing is worse than trying to hard and not succeeding.

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