My eyes

April 7, 2009 at 1:33 pm (Floral, Katy Perry) (, , , , , , )

My eyes! My eyes! Dear Lord in heaven, my eyes!

My retinas have burned and my pupils are dilated, all due to Katy Perry’s pant suit!

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Annie Hall

November 11, 2008 at 11:35 am (Diane Keaton, Floral) (, , , , , , )

Diane Keaton has always had that quirky Annie Hall vibe. She also has a weird compulsion to completely cover every square inch of skin.

But this outfit is beyond quirky. The Prada skirt is unnecessarily voluminous and the pattern is downright dowdy.

On the plus side, we see her ankles and she’s not wearing gloves.

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October 15, 2008 at 11:12 am (Floral, Leggings, Lindsay Lohan, Necklace) (, , , , , , )

Lindsay Lohan scores a point for covering up her tanless knees and ankles.

But she loses more points for the Claire’s rhinestone necklace and the Granny needlepoint ruffled Matthew Williamson top.

Perhaps she is emulating Colin Firth/Mark Darcy in a reindeer sweater (those crazy Brits call it a jumper). Otherwise, it’s not a good look.

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Springtime down under

September 15, 2008 at 11:13 am (Floral, Hat, Nicole Kidman, Tights, Vest) (, , , , , )

Nicole Kidman so rarely missteps, so this outfit is extra surprising.

I know it is springtime in Australia, but is it a good idea to celebrate with a floral dress with a contrasting front, purple tights, a bowler hat and Grandpa’s sweater vest?

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Ad nauseam

August 29, 2008 at 1:53 pm (Cardigan, Denim, Floral, Katie Holmes, Pleated) (, , , , , )

I am torn between being totally repulsed and totally glued to Katie Holmes watch- NYC 08. On one hand, can’t the girl just go to rehearsals without being photographed ad nauseam? On the other hand, what crazy thing will she do with denim today?

What a quandary– avert our eyes or keep a rapt attention?

I felt the same tension toward the end of the Olympics. Michael Phelps had achieved his mission, I had watched four consecutive nights of beach volleyball,and I don’t really know anything about rhythmic gymnastics. So should I keep watching Bob Costas, or should I actually get off the dang couch and be productive?

My answer to the Olympic question was to keep watching, watching hours of TV watching until I cross-eyed. My answer to the Katie Holmes question is to keep blogging, especially when she wears this Missoni pleated floral shapeless “dress” with a Mr. Rogers cardigan. It’s like gawking at a traffic accident–we just can’t turn away. God help us.

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Little house on the prairie

August 21, 2008 at 4:20 pm (Floral, Jennifer Garner) (, , , , , , )

I think that Jennifer Garner may be taking her aw shucks girl next door image a little too far. Just ‘cuz you’re known wholesome and expecting doesn’t mean you should look like Laura Ingalls or Holly Hobbie!

This See by Chloe dress is really bad. Really really bad. The color and print are making me feel  nauseous. Like I ate too much sugar on the good ship lolly pop nauseous. Like we landed in Kansas circa 1991 nauseous. If this is her idea of pregnancy-wear, hang on cuz it’s gonna be a long few months…

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July 31, 2008 at 12:58 pm (Floral, Liv Tyler, Pleated, Sheer, Strapless) (, , , , , )

I want to like this dress. I’ve looked at it several times and TRIED to like it. But I just don’t.

I don’t understand the slip. Why is it blindingly white? And why does it not do all the way to the hem of the skirt? And the dress proportions seem off. Why is the bodice so short and the skirt so long? It makes her look far too hippy (not hippie) and wide. Finally, I just don’t like the flowers. The whole picture is too matronly and cutesy for me.

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Mama, don’t let your babies

July 8, 2008 at 9:45 am (Boots, Deep V, Floral, Jessica Simpson, Ruffles) (, , , , )

…dress like a Simpson. Or maybe we should plead to Daddy, since Joe Simpson seems to be her puppeteer. Either way, someone needs to talk to Jessica Simpson about her Pamela Anderson-esque wardrobe.

Now, we realize that Jessica ain’t the best singer or actress on the planet. Perhaps this is what she has to do to get attention. But her Miss Boobs-a-Lot look is worn and tired. She should update her look to distinguish herself from every other big-toothed, big-chested, fake-blond out there. Perhaps she could take a lesson from Scarlett Johansson or Halle Berry. It is possible to be chesty and sultry and well-dressed all at once.

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Je n’aime pas

July 7, 2008 at 11:55 am (Draped, Floral, Jaime Pressly) (, , , , )

I’m not feeling the love on Jaime Pressly’s outfit here. I’m feeling a little lightheaded from the doodled material, and the dress feels a bit bi-polar. The top is cut like a flowy maxi-dress, the bottom is cut like a hot-to-trot mini. Sorry — Je n’amie pas, Jaime.

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Mamma mia!

June 30, 2008 at 3:31 pm (Floral, Keely Shaye Smith, Livia Giuggioli, Sequins) (, , , , , , , , )

What in the heck are the Mamma Mia wives wearing!?

At the world premiere of Mamma Mia, co-stars Colin Firth (whom I absolutely adore) and Pierce Brosnan (who ain’t too shabby either) both look great. Dapper, suave, all that you’d expect.

But what are their wives wearing? Livia Giuggioli, married to Colin Firth, seems to want to tell the world how utterly happy she is. And, obviously, that message is best communicated in sequins, with Pac-Man eyes on your boobs.

And Keely Shaye Smith, wife of Pierce Brosnan, may want to rethink the neckline of her dress next time. Yowza. At least it isn’t strapless.

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