Budweiser

February 24, 2009 at 11:19 am (All Black, Fringe, Gwen Stefani, Strapless) (, , , , )

I don’t hate Gwen Stefani’s Chanel dress, and overall she looks pretty great. But I can’t help but see a Budweiser ad in the making…

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Respect

January 15, 2009 at 11:12 am (Anne Hathaway, Belt, Deep V, Fringe, Knit) (, , , , , , )

I guess I’m supposed to love this because it’s Chanel. Or at least respect it. After all, Karl Lagerfeld is a genius. But I don’t love it. I don’t even really like it. And I won’t respect it in the morning.

I mean, doesn’t it really look like a cheap shredded rug from WalMart? I don’t think it’s particularly flattering or adventurous or new. It’s utterly forgettable, and the Baker’s prom pumps are heinous.

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Flying squirrel

October 28, 2008 at 2:13 pm (All Black, Fringe, Mary-Kate Olsen) (, , , , , , )

I can’t find a great photo of the front of Mary-Kate Olsen’s dress, but she reminds me of a flying squirrel dressed as Stevie Nicks for Halloween. Seriously, that is a lot of fringe. And her bad posture doesn’t enhance the look.

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Kinda cute, kinda weird

October 24, 2008 at 2:16 pm (Bows, Chanel Iman, Fringe, Leggings) (, , , , , , )

So, this Chanel Iman dress is kinda cute. It’s also kinda weird. Kooky. It looks like the designer used a play-doh extruder and tied it all up with a ribbon

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Burberry

October 24, 2008 at 9:32 am (Belt, Fringe, Kate Bosworth) (, , , , , , , )

I am not feeling the recent Burberry collections. It seems they are inspired by pea soup and cloudy London days. From Maria Menounos to Rosario Dawson now to Kate Bosworth, I have been decidedly underwhelmed.

Unless Kate *wanted* to look like a walking toupee, I don’t get this dress choice.

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Mirren mirren on the wall

September 23, 2008 at 3:30 pm (Fringe, Helen Mirren) (, , , , , , )

I stand in awe of Helen Mirren. She has a better body than I do, and she is almost twice my age! Plus she usually looks age-appropriately chic and wears some fabulous REAL jewelry. She is a goddess.

Unfortunately, even goddesses occasionally mis-step. This mis-step involves a textured purple mermaid dress and an sad eggplant jacket with black bordello fringe.

Helen, love. You do better by playing up your tremendous, age-defying, ah…um…well…assets. Toss off that jacket. Hike up your skirt. Throw back your shoulders. And work the red carpet with confidence that you look better than almost anyone else your age.

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Oh noe Zoe!

September 23, 2008 at 12:13 pm (Fringe, Knit, Plaid, Rachel Zoe, Tights) (, , , , , , )

It seems that, between her hectic styling career and her Bravo TV show, Rachel Zoe still has some extra time on her hands. Cuz she has obviously picked up latch hook, and insists on wearing her crafty items to the Salvatore Ferragamo show in Milan.

Seriously, come on. The dress is plaid. And bulky. And fringed. And shapeless. And cowl-necked. Who can wear that? And, more importantly, why would they want to wear a Scottish throw rug?

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Skanky flapper

September 16, 2008 at 3:02 pm (Cardigan, Fringe, Metallic, Mischa Barton, Necklace) (, , , , , , )

We can all breathe a sigh of relief. Mischa Barton has resurfaced in London for the Temperley runway show, sporting a black and gold skanky flapper ensemble.

Flapper: finged cardigan, dress adorned with dangling metallic pH test strips
Skanky: mega scoop neck that goes mid-navel
Just plain odd: Native American necklace slug suggestively between her droopy, unsupported boobs

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Call my lawyer

July 2, 2008 at 4:02 pm (Fringe, Metallic, Naomi Campbell) (, , , , )

London, England (AP) — Today, on Howick Place in London, Naomi Campbell was assaulted by feral cats sent by the bag-handler’s union at Heathrow Airport. The 38-year old temperamental supermodel was entering an art exhibit features photos of even more supermodels. The feral cats confused her rail-thin body for a scratching post, and rapidly reduced her dress to swags of silly string. Campbell looked pale and aghast from the experience, or from skipping lunch for the last three weeks.

“It was bloody carnage,” says an emotional but unnamed eye-witness. “The cats descended with sharpened claws exposed. There was nowhere to hide. Thank God for those suspender-like straps on her dress– they were the only things that saved her from complete exhibitionism! God save the Queen.”

Royal Guards said the cats, who all have prior convictions of mauling and assault, will face three charges each: assaulting an international supermodel, conduct unbecoming a feral cat, and the use of threatening, abusive meows toward an international supermodel. The cats will appear in a London magistrates’ court on July 21. 

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Boho chic?

June 27, 2008 at 4:09 pm (Deep V, Elizabeth Hurley, Elle MacPherson, Floral, Fringe, Headband, Necklace, Uma Thurman) (, , , , , , )

It’s been a little quiet on the wires today. Mary-Kate is smiling and Britney is actually wearing clothes. Banner day for fashion critics!

Normally Elle MacPherson’s dress at Elton John’s “White Tie and Tiara” ball would stay under the radar screen. Not stellar, but not completely inappropriate in a Naomi-Campbell-in-a-sheer-gown sort of way. Since today’s been dullsville, we’re posting Elle MacPherson.

First, I’ll say that I’m sure it’s not fun to spend an evening with your ex — and the father of your children — right after he got engaged to another woman. And gave her an 8-carat rock. So, kudos to her for being there with her chin up. Second, I’ll say that the event had a beach theme. How a beach theme, white tie and diamonds all go together, I’m not sure. Most people seemed to skip over the beach part, and dressed for the white tie and diamonds part. Smart move.

Our lady Elle went for “bohemian chic.” What an oxymoron, like jumbo shrimp or freezer burn. I’m not in love with her necklace-as-headband look or her beaded-necklace-to-your-knees look. The gold mesh of the dress looks a little polyester-ish to me. And the floral/fringe shawl is totally distracting.

On an unrelated note, it feels like Elizabeth Hurley is always wearing the same darn dress. I’m all for knowing what looks good on you, but she is ALWAYS wearing a solid dress with a tight bodice that shows off the girls and a full skirt. And it’s usually Versace. Snooze. Snooze. Snooze.

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