Props

March 10, 2009 at 9:56 am (Asymmetrical, Boots, Cardigan, Diane Kruger, Fur, Metallic, Ruffles, Shiny, Tights) (, , , , , , )

I guess you gotta give Diane Kruger some props for trying. She tries very hard. And she is usually soooo close.

But, as they say, close only counts in horseshoes.  Certainly not in fashion.

The Roberto Cavallichain link dress seems a little frumpy figure skater. And I don’t get the fur shrug with dress. Put it on a tailored Dita von Teese or Victoria Beckham look and I get it. But with an edgy dress and trash sack booties? Nuh-uh.

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Teese

February 4, 2009 at 4:57 pm (All Black, Clutch, Costume, Dita von Teese, Fur, Headband) (, , , , , , )

I get that Dita Von Teese is going for a particular look. And that her look is inherently costumey. I can live with that on her.

But what on God’s green earth is she wearing on her head?

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Strappy

November 12, 2008 at 12:10 pm (All Black, Debra Messing, Fur, Strapless) (, , , , , , )

First of all- I don’t like Debra Messing’s shoes. It is challenging to make a strappy sandal look like a clod-hopper, but this shoe has met the challenge.

Second of all- I am underwhelmed by the dress and jacket combo. I know Debra ain’t chesty, but the dress makes her boobs look absolutely minuscule. Otherwise, I just say blah. Blah. Blah.

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Squirrel sleeves

September 25, 2008 at 4:33 pm (Fur, Princess Eleonora of Yugoslavia) (, , , , , , )

Mmmm…pardon me. Your Royal Highness? Princess Eleonora of Yugoslavia? I most humbly interrupt your royalness to let you know that…ahem…you seem to be…ahh…under attack.

I am not sure how squirrels got into the swanky Tod’s Private Dinner. The footmen will be thoroughly interrogated. I certainly hope the didn’t draw any blood. But these traitorous squirrels have overtaken your overly blousey top and are wreaking havoc on your shoulders.

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Let them eat cake

September 15, 2008 at 3:43 pm (All White, Beaded, Clutch, Fur, Jennifer Lopez, Sequins, Strapless) (, , , , , , )

Jennifer Lopez makes me want to poke my eyeballs out slowly and painfully. She is insane. Over-the-top, let-them-eat-cake, my-foot-hurts-so-I-can’t-keep-my-Project-Runway-commitment, holier-than-thou, isn’t-my-ferret-of-a-husband-fabulous insane. She makes Victoria Beckham seem humble.

I like everything about this Marchesa dress except for the marabou boobs. It’s like Santa’s elves mated with the ice princess to generate Elizabeth Taylor’s mini-me. She definitely ain’t Jenny on the Block no more.

The visible tan lines make it even worse–how do tan lines and fur in the same outfit make sense?

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Yak vest

September 11, 2008 at 10:17 am (Beaded, Fur, Madonna, Ruffles, Sheer, Vest) (, , , , , , , )

This whole look is very perplexing. Perplexing, indeed.

I wonder how many yaks were killed to make Madonna’s vest?

I wonder what Madonna had done to her face to make her cheekbones jut out so much?

I wonder if she knows she is sprouting butterfly antennae.

I wonder if she wants to look like Guy pelted her neck with his BB gun.

And– the biggest question of all– I wonder if Madonna and Anna Wintour work out with the same trainer.

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Bermuda triangle

September 10, 2008 at 1:14 pm (Fur, Leather, Mary-Kate Olsen) (, , , , , , )

Perhaps Mary-Kate Olsen is doing research for a role. Maybe she is thinking of playing Amelia Earhart? Why else would she select this woolly mammoth of a jacket? And at least Amelia accessorized her bomber jacket with a scarf and a smile.

I do have to admit to a bias against bomber jackets with wool collars. I have a distant recollection of bomber jackets long ago. It’s a foggy memory, but what I remember the most is that the woolly collar smelled musty and dusty and gross. Just want you want ensconced around your neck. Yeeeesch.

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Bringing hairy back

August 29, 2008 at 9:46 am (Fur, Headband, Tank, Victoria Beckham) (, , , , , , )

I cannot think of a single scenario where a hairy back would be considered alluring. Granted, Victoria Beckham is a far cry from an overweight shirtless dude with hair along his back and arms. Nevertheless, I don’t think this is a fashion trend that will (or even should) catch on.

This Giambattista Valli dress otherwise is impeccable, albeit a little plain. It’s a shame the furry mink of a back was added. I can think of a million other ways to embellish this dress well.

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Cousin Itt

August 27, 2008 at 11:52 am (Belt, Boots, Fur, Plaid, Ruffles, Tank) (, , , , , , )

Almost duped by Solange Knowles!

First glance: looking pretty good. Hair: good. Dress: like it. Belt: we’ll go with it. Bracelet: not feeling the Fendi badge of honor but, given the totally insane things you normally sport, it’s acceptable.

Three cheers for Solan….oh, wait. Hmmm. What the heck are on her feet? Did she get those shoes from the House of Cousin Itt? Is she trying to look like a Clydesdale horse? Is she swiffering the floor during her visit to TRL?

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Good dresses, dresses, and then…

June 19, 2008 at 3:04 pm (Charlize Theron, Deep V, Floral, Fur, Stretch) ()

Charlize Theron has been *everywhere* promoting Hancock. Apparently, according to the trailer, there are heros, there are superheros, and then there is Hancock. An apt analogy for this dress, only this dress sinks rather than sings.

Although not attached at the hip, it seems that she and Will Smith are attached at the neck. But she has been looking pretty fabulous bouncing around Europe (I loved, loved, loved the white dress with the deep V and bubble skirt she wore in Paris). Playing it as edgy as she does, she is bound to misstep on occasion. Like in this Giambattista Valli dress.

The neck wrap is downright scary. Like she is being attacked by celosia plants, or she has raging case of eczema that needs ointment. Badly. The print on the dress itself seems screen printed. Or like that cosmic shrink wrap material can wrap an entire bus.

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