Just not that into you

February 3, 2009 at 11:02 am (Beaded, Gladiator Sandal, Jennifer Connelly, Sequins) (, , , , , , )

Note to Jennifer Connelly’s Balmain dress: I’m just not that into you.

I’ll grant you that it’s interesting. But interesting is a code word for, ” I can’t think of anything better to say.” It feels part Dynasty, part mother-of-the-bride, and part Flintstones.

I like the shoes– a lot, actually– but don’t think they relate to the dress at all. It’s like Joan Collins’ shoulders and Sasha Fierce’s feet.

Advertisements

Permalink 1 Comment

Bruno oh no

September 17, 2008 at 7:42 pm (Bows, Charlize Theron, Clutch, Gladiator Sandal, Plaid) (, , , , , , )

Charlize Theron’s Vanessa Bruno dress is definitely a fashion don’t.

It looks like Martha Stewart dyed a worn-out homemade dress in a tea bath and then glue gunned a light blue ribbon to the crotch.

It’s not a good thing.

Permalink Leave a Comment

One singular sensation

September 9, 2008 at 12:57 pm (Gladiator Sandal, Headband, Leather, Lingerie, Metallic, Nicole Richie, Tank) (, , , , , , )

I took a jazz dance class in the sixth grade. We learned a dance routine to the song One, from A Chorus Line. You know the song. It will be burned in your brain for the rest of the day. “One. Singular sensation. Every little step she takes…”

We wore little tuxedo leotards and white bowler hats with a silver sequined band. Just like Nicole Richie’s headband. I’m not kidding. It was exactly the same.

I’m sure the Marc Jacobs show was pretty great. I hope Miss Richie liked it. And thank heavens he featured rakish Mary Poppins hats rather than sequined headbands.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Train wreck

July 14, 2008 at 11:27 am (Belt, Deep V, Denim, Gladiator Sandal, Mary-Kate Olsen, Necklace, Shorts) (, , , , )

It seems that Mary-Kate Olsen is vying for the Courtney Love Train Wreck Award. (You know this is the second highest train wreck award in the world, just behind the Amy Winehouse Train Wreck Award).

Mary-Kate is obviously going through a tough time. She is living in denial. So let’s try to get her into a 12-step fashion rehab program. The first step is admitting you are powerless to bad fashion. Then she has to recognize a higher fashion power, and make amends for her fashion mistakes.

Until then, her fashion errs and her knee-high gladiator sandals will hold her as a bad fashion prisoner.

Permalink 1 Comment

Battlestar Galactica

July 7, 2008 at 9:33 am (Belt, Clutch, Cut-outs, Deep V, Draped, Gladiator Sandal, Jennifer Lopez, Maxi-dress, Scarf) (, , , , )

I’m starting to see a little Elizabeth Taylor in Jennifer Lopez. She seems to be going for Liz’s Palm-Springs-aging-superstar look.

I’m all for a realistic body image. JLo has always been curvy, and the woman had twins, for heaven’s sake. Most of us have parts of ourselves we’d like to keep covered up. And most of us don’t look half as good as Jennifer Lopez.

But I am getting this vibe from her that she is trying to compensate for some perceived body imperfections. Like she is trying just a little too hard to show is she is still the sexy siren.

Instead, I see a bit of Battlestar Galactica in this outfit. I think it is the mother of all belts. Assuming the tummy area needs a little work after carrying two human beings, why would you wear a stretchy white Stonehenge of a belt?

PS I think JLo has lost her cajones. What is she doing with that little platic tab in her v-neck. JLo of the green Versace dress would never allow that!

Permalink Leave a Comment