November 5, 2008 at 3:26 pm (Boots, Gwyneth Paltrow, Lace, Lingerie, Necklace) (, , , , , , )

Is Gwyneth Paltow’s Antonio Berardi dress supposed to be sultry? Alluring? Cuz I just don’t see it.

Instead, I see a phallic crotch cover, granny undergarments, and shoes with built in footies.

I wonder if the boots have little white pom poms on the back of her ankles?

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House of Hanes

August 5, 2008 at 8:44 am (Gwyneth Paltrow, Shorts, T-Shirt) (, , , , , )

I am not seeing the design ingenuity in this Elizabeth and James outfit. Sure, it makes Gwyneth Paltrow look about 9 feet tall, with legs that never end. But I think her gene pool and her work out regimen have as much to do with that as anything.

The outfit is a glorified Hanes t-shirt and some short shorts. And I’m not sure the t-shirt is particularly flattering. It looks like Gwyneth rolled out of bed, pulled back her hair, grabbed some awesome Tod’s shoes, and hauled her butt down to Amagansett.

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High as a kite

May 20, 2008 at 3:32 pm (Bows, Deep V, Draped, Gwyneth Paltrow) ()

I think there is a little tarnish on Gwyneth Paltrow’s Fashion Hall of Fame award. She once embodied minimalist urbane chic. But she has been dancing with edgy¬†couture of late, and I say for the worse.

Obviously, she is still how-can-one-person-be-soooo-perfect beautiful. And I love her with shorter hair, instead of the lifeless long tresses she sported for years.

I tried to love the dress. It’s Chanel. It’s haute couture. But I really can’t get past the bows. The repeated bows on the straps look like kite strings. And I really don’t like the cutesy bow-between-the-boobs.

But seeing the full length clinched the deal. The middle seam is puckering and stretching. And it seems to emphasis a little tummy paunch, which you darn well know Ms. Paltrow doesn’t have. If it gives her some tummy bulge, image what it would look like on the rest of us!?

And call me old fashioned, but I think the dress is just too short. I don’t mind seeing a bit of the shoe, but I think a floor-length dress should, in fact, be a little closer to the floor.

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