Forever 21

February 5, 2009 at 2:21 pm (Bows, Fergie, Headband, Lace, Necklace) (, , , , , , )

It looks like Fergie hauled herself down to the local Forever 21 store and bought the first thing she could find.  The dress looks cheap and tarty, the jewelry makes it even worse, and it is never a good idea to put a gi-normous bow on your boobs.

On the upside, I do really like her hair and make up. Sometimes Fergie’s face can look a big angular, and this is soft and fresh.

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Teese

February 4, 2009 at 4:57 pm (All Black, Clutch, Costume, Dita von Teese, Fur, Headband) (, , , , , , )

I get that Dita Von Teese is going for a particular look. And that her look is inherently costumey. I can live with that on her.

But what on God’s green earth is she wearing on her head?

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I kissed a girl

December 18, 2008 at 1:58 pm (Corsage, Feathers, Headband, Metallic, Shiny, Strapless, Tights, Uncategorized, Zooey Deschanel) (, , , , , , )

Zooey Deschanel seems to be going for the Lily Allen look-alike award. The outfit, the hair, the pose. I don’t like that trend. Next thing you know she’ll have a Christmas tree on her head. It starts innocently with some shimmery silver tights and is a slippery downhill slope from there.

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Fore!

November 10, 2008 at 3:12 pm (Beaded, Feathers, Headband, Mischa Barton) (, , , , , , )

I normally love the flounce, frill and sheer romance of Marchesa, but Mischa Barton’s dress is a tad ridiculous.

Perhaps it would better in a different color, but this green just makes me think of golf, croquet, or any other uppity lawn sport. I mean, seriously. Is the skirt made out of dill?

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Cry for help

October 8, 2008 at 2:54 pm (Aubrey O'Day, Brooch, Headband, Metallic, T-Shirt) (, , , , , , , )

This isn’t an outfit. This is a cry for help. And for hair dye.

I am sure the Obama campaign is very proud of this celebrity endorsement. It will help them secure the white trash skanky vote. Or perhaps she’ll do a lap dance for anyone in Ohio or Florida who will vote for Obama rather than McCain.

PS That poor dog. His t-shirt says “I bark 4 Obama.”

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Tooth fairy

September 22, 2008 at 3:55 pm (Headband, Mischa Barton) (, , , , , , )

If the Tooth Fairy and Olivia Newton John and Nefertiti all morphed into one human, I think she’d look like Mischa Barton in this photo.

The Temperley London dress is OK, I guess. The cut is rather shapeless, the look is a little fairy-esque, and the color is a vague not-lavender-but-not-gray-and-certainly-very-iridescent. But I could live with it.

The rest of Mischa’s execution is horrible. The pilgrim shoe, the bright purple “Let’s Get Physical” headband, the horribly stringy hair, and the Queen Nefertiti eyeliner add up to one bad look.

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One singular sensation

September 9, 2008 at 12:57 pm (Gladiator Sandal, Headband, Leather, Lingerie, Metallic, Nicole Richie, Tank) (, , , , , , )

I took a jazz dance class in the sixth grade. We learned a dance routine to the song One, from A Chorus Line. You know the song. It will be burned in your brain for the rest of the day. “One. Singular sensation. Every little step she takes…”

We wore little tuxedo leotards and white bowler hats with a silver sequined band. Just like Nicole Richie’s headband. I’m not kidding. It was exactly the same.

I’m sure the Marc Jacobs show was pretty great. I hope Miss Richie liked it. And thank heavens he featured rakish Mary Poppins hats rather than sequined headbands.

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Bringing hairy back

August 29, 2008 at 9:46 am (Fur, Headband, Tank, Victoria Beckham) (, , , , , , )

I cannot think of a single scenario where a hairy back would be considered alluring. Granted, Victoria Beckham is a far cry from an overweight shirtless dude with hair along his back and arms. Nevertheless, I don’t think this is a fashion trend that will (or even should) catch on.

This Giambattista Valli dress otherwise is impeccable, albeit a little plain. It’s a shame the furry mink of a back was added. I can think of a million other ways to embellish this dress well.

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Head injury

August 25, 2008 at 1:49 pm (All Black, Denim, Feathers, Headband, January Jones, Tank) (, , , , , , , )

Did January Jones trip and fall on her way to the Mad Men season two wrap party? Is she bleeding excessively from her head? Shouldn’t someone be calling 911? Why else would she have this appendage super-glued to her head?

Seriously, though. I saw the head-shot first and thought, “a little costume-y, but with the right outfit I’ll give it a pass.” Mad Men does specialize in period clothing, so this event could carry a forties- or fifties-inspired look. While I could never fully endorse a sheer headband/scarf adorned with feathers, I could understand what she was going for.

Then I saw the full body photo. She definitely did NOT go for a forties- or fifties-inspired look. She’s wearing a flippin’ tank top and low-ride skinny jeans. Why *that* outfit gets a feathered headband is absolutely beyond me.

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Going for gold

August 25, 2008 at 9:56 am (Cut-outs, Deep V, Headband, Paris Hilton, Sequins, Shiny, Stretch) (, , , , , , )

Unless Paris Hilton is participating in an Olympic sport, there is no good excuse for this outfit. While our expectations from Ms. Hilton aren’t high in the first place, this get-up is truly ridiculous. It isn’t flattering, it isn’t functional, and sure as heck isn’t fashionable.

And just in case you didn’t know who she is, it was particularly kind of her to emblazon her name along her T, with a follow-up across her A.

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