Hourglass

January 20, 2009 at 4:26 pm (Beaded, Clutch, Jennifer Lopez, Metallic) (, , , , , , )

By golly, hit me over the head.

If you want the appearance of an hourglass figure, I guess it makes sense to stick an enormous be-dazzled hourglass on your dress, huh?

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Fountain of youth

October 7, 2008 at 11:36 am (Bows, Jennifer Lopez, Metallic, Ruffles, Sheer, Shorts, Tank) (, , , , , , )

Why is JLo sporting a shapeless parchment paper clown dress? Did she forget to take off her tank and bike shorts after finishing her triathlon?

Obviously, Jennifer Lopez’s look is over-the-top luxury, and the dress is Dolce and Gabbana). But does that mean she has to look older? She’s only 39. Halle Berry is three years older, for goodness sakes, and is still wearing appropriately youthful clothes.

So why is JLo choosing bouffant aqua net hair, a schlumpy dress and mother of the bride pumps?

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Let them eat cake

September 15, 2008 at 3:43 pm (All White, Beaded, Clutch, Fur, Jennifer Lopez, Sequins, Strapless) (, , , , , , )

Jennifer Lopez makes me want to poke my eyeballs out slowly and painfully. She is insane. Over-the-top, let-them-eat-cake, my-foot-hurts-so-I-can’t-keep-my-Project-Runway-commitment, holier-than-thou, isn’t-my-ferret-of-a-husband-fabulous insane. She makes Victoria Beckham seem humble.

I like everything about this Marchesa dress except for the marabou boobs. It’s like Santa’s elves mated with the ice princess to generate Elizabeth Taylor’s mini-me. She definitely ain’t Jenny on the Block no more.

The visible tan lines make it even worse–how do tan lines and fur in the same outfit make sense?

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Battlestar Galactica

July 7, 2008 at 9:33 am (Belt, Clutch, Cut-outs, Deep V, Draped, Gladiator Sandal, Jennifer Lopez, Maxi-dress, Scarf) (, , , , )

I’m starting to see a little Elizabeth Taylor in Jennifer Lopez. She seems to be going for Liz’s Palm-Springs-aging-superstar look.

I’m all for a realistic body image. JLo has always been curvy, and the woman had twins, for heaven’s sake. Most of us have parts of ourselves we’d like to keep covered up. And most of us don’t look half as good as Jennifer Lopez.

But I am getting this vibe from her that she is trying to compensate for some perceived body imperfections. Like she is trying just a little too hard to show is she is still the sexy siren.

Instead, I see a bit of Battlestar Galactica in this outfit. I think it is the mother of all belts. Assuming the tummy area needs a little work after carrying two human beings, why would you wear a stretchy white Stonehenge of a belt?

PS I think JLo has lost her cajones. What is she doing with that little platic tab in her v-neck. JLo of the green Versace dress would never allow that!

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Baby diapers

July 1, 2008 at 12:34 pm (Asymmetrical, Draped, Jennifer Lopez, Sashes) (, , , , )

This is classic: Marc Anthony received an honorary award from the Town Council of Milan, Italy, for his contributions on music. There is good government in action.

JLo was on hand to “support her husband” for this tremendous honor. Whatever. I think she’s been changing too many baby diapers. The color of this dress is just atrocious. Unless you want to look like a seventies curtain, you should pass.

PS Is there a little bit of girdle peeking out?

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