January 26, 2009 at 11:37 am (Belt, Denim, High Waisted, Jessica Simpson, Pockets, Tank) (, , , , , , )

Did Jessica Simpson perform at the Chili Cook-off in Podunk, Florida, or did she participate in the chili eating contest? Wowzers.

Now, we all gain a pound or two. Or ten. I have no problem with that. But I do think you need to adapt your fashion choices to compliment your body. And this outfit most definitely does *not* do her any favors.

High waisted pants with huge ass pockets, a double-decker leopard belt, and a tank top? Not exactly figure flattering. And why-oh-why does she always resort to the Jenny-McCarthy-late-90s-MTV facial gestures?

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Aunt Jemima

August 28, 2008 at 12:23 pm (Jessica Simpson, Plaid, Strapless) (, , , , , )

Jessica Simpson has beat her “country” look to an utter and complete pulp. Ugh. Unless you’re Dolly Parton (for whom country kitsch has been elevated to an art form), looking this country/folksy/hillbilly just isn’t necessary. It certainly doesn’t make your CD sell any better!

If Aunt Jemima moonlighted as a Playboy bunny, this is the dress she would wear. It is unfashionable, unflattering, and utterly unappealing. Almost as unappealing as the looks Jessica makes when she sings.

PS How many more of these “love of my life” covers will we have to endure?

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Mama, don’t let your babies

July 8, 2008 at 9:45 am (Boots, Deep V, Floral, Jessica Simpson, Ruffles) (, , , , )

…dress like a Simpson. Or maybe we should plead to Daddy, since Joe Simpson seems to be her puppeteer. Either way, someone needs to talk to Jessica Simpson about her Pamela Anderson-esque wardrobe.

Now, we realize that Jessica ain’t the best singer or actress on the planet. Perhaps this is what she has to do to get attention. But her Miss Boobs-a-Lot look is worn and tired. She should update her look to distinguish herself from every other big-toothed, big-chested, fake-blond out there. Perhaps she could take a lesson from Scarlett Johansson or Halle Berry. It is possible to be chesty and sultry and well-dressed all at once.

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