Natural death

April 20, 2009 at 12:44 pm (Deep V, Halter, Jumpsuit, Kate Walsh, Necklace) (, , , , , , )

Why won’t jumpsuits die a natural death? They are universally unflattering, unless you happen to be over 6 feet tall. Kate Walsh’s is particularly unattractive, unless she intended to look like a barrel or the Dalai Lama.

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Support

March 30, 2009 at 12:02 pm (All Black, Belt, Deep V, High Waisted, Jumpsuit, Kim Kardashian, Pleated, Studded, Tank) (, , , , , , )

Memo to Kim Kardashian: You have cantaloupes, not tangerines. The girls need waaayyyyy more support than this.  Lift ’em high, girlfriend! And never ever balance them over a mega high waisted belt again. Not doing you any favors!

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Something nice

December 10, 2008 at 11:04 am (Bows, Buttons, Diane Kruger, High Waisted, Jumpsuit, Tuxedo) (, , , , , , )

Mama always said, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” So here goes something nice: “I like Diane Kruger’s shoes.”

Shit, that’s no fun. I mean, look at her Chanel outfit. And her enthusiastic facial expression. I’d have that look, too, if I looked four years old in a jumpsuit featuring bow tie and satin high-waisted pants.

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Kooky

November 18, 2008 at 11:05 am (Belt, Juliette Lewis, Jumpsuit, Sequins) (, , , , , , )

I usually refrain from posting Juliette Lewis because, frankly, I think she is a little kooky. Not raving lunatic kooky, but just ‘off’ enough that I don’t take her fashion choices seriously.

I still hold to that general premise. Juliette Lewis *is* kooky. But I couldn’t let this sequined jumpsuit go by without any comment.

If you aren’t a Solid Gold dancer, you have absolutely no business sporting a sequined jumpsuit with a 4″ belt. None. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. And, Juliette, despite your attempts to be a singer, you are NOT a Solid Gold dancer.

But what I love best is how dang proud she looks wearing this ridiculous get up!

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Being kind

September 17, 2008 at 1:13 pm (Belt, Buttons, Clutch, Jumpsuit, Shiny, Shorts) (, , , , , , )

A posting described this Stella McCartney outfit as a “romper.” I think that is being kind. Unless “romper” is the new code word for a wrinkled-parachute-buttoned-up-shapeless-colorless-shorts-outfit-with-pockets-slapped-on-the thighs. If so, then I completely agree! Spot-on description.

Can I say that I am really tired of Kate Hudson? I am not passionate enough about her to spout off in an emotionally-charged fashion (like I did about JLo on Monday). But I’ve had enough of the spunkiness, the goofiness, the isn’t-it-weird-how-I’m-my-mother’s-identical-clone-ness, the I-kissed-another-boy-while-playing-tennis-because-I-don’t-believe-in-monogamy-ness, and the my-son-really-WANTS-his-hair-to-be-this-long-ness.

And mostly, I’m just tired that every single movie she is in seems EXACTLY the same. Tell me *how* exactly Fool’s Gold differed from Raising Helen differed from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days? Cuz I swear she was playing the exact same role in each and every one of those movies.

Oh, wait. I guess I am passionate enough to spout off in an emotionally-charged fashion.

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At a loss

August 28, 2008 at 3:11 pm (Clutch, Deep V, Heidi Montag, Jumpsuit, Sashes) (, , , , , , )

I’m at a loss. Spent. Don’t know what else to say. Reason doesn’t work. Logic means nothing. So I have no words left to explain how and why and where I do NOT like jumpsuits.

Instead, I’ll focus all that contempt and dislike for Heidi Montag instead. Grrrr.

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Undecided

July 25, 2008 at 3:01 pm (Amy Adams, Halter, High Waisted, Jumpsuit) (, , , , , )

We have to make decisions every day. Obama or McCain? Paper or Plastic? Gas or Electric?

In the big picture, perhaps this decision isn’t very important. But I can’t decide if I like Amy Adams’ outfit or not. At first I kinda liked it. I still don’t hate it. But I was surprised to see–egads–it’s pants.

It makes sense as a maxi-dress. I am not sure I am feeling the wide-leg culottes. And my stance against jumpsuits is well-documented. So, perhaps on jumpsuit priniciple alone I should say this outfit is bad. A girl ain’t worth much if she doesn’t have her principles.

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Gumby

July 21, 2008 at 3:03 pm (All Black, Backless, Deep V, Jumpsuit, Shiny) (, , , , , )

I’m starting to run out of various ways to post this simple truth: I don’t like jumpsuits. I can try to be clever and witty. I can digress on sequins, necklines, shorts or pants. But it still boils down to one simple fact. If it’s a jumpsuit, I don’t like it.

Maggie Gyllenhaal has been amusing in her various Dark Knight promotional appearances. Her wardrobe is usually unconventional and highly conversational. And I do like (to a certain degree) that she seems to not really care if people like her outfit or not.

But today, she looks like a black satin version of Gumby, dammit. And I am guessing that Gumby isn’t the fashion inspiration for too many people.

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Jumpsuit short-shorts

July 9, 2008 at 9:32 am (All Black, Deep V, Jumpsuit, Ruffles, Sashes, Selma Blair, Shorts) (, , , , )

Yesterday was a little slow…not many photos out there to mock and ridicule. So imagine our delight this morning when we awoke to this outfit on Selma Blair. Wow, this look was really something. Too bad that something wasn’t good.

We know that Selma is a fan of the deep v-necks, and they work well on her. But to add an uber-exaggerated ruffle sleeve and attached running shorts is a bit overboard (despite her amazing legs).

I wonder if Miss Blair also suffered from a sewing crisis on her way to TRL? Or maybe she had to use the potty, and this was faster than taking off the entire dang jumpsuit.

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Jumpsuit revisited

June 30, 2008 at 10:19 am (All Black, Deep V, Jumpsuit, Selma Blair, Sequins, Tuxedo) (, , , , )

Here is Plaintiff’s Evidence Exhibit B on why I do not like jumpsuits. Is Selma Blair trying to look like Evil Knievel? Elvis? Or a long lost member of KISS?

Here is Plaintiff’s Evidence Exhibit A.

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