Please…Stop

March 12, 2009 at 12:59 pm (Katie Holmes, Leggings, Strapless) (, , , , , )

Please, Katie Holmes. Please make it stop. For the love of God and all things fashionable and holy. This just doesn’t suit you.

The Jason Wu dress is not the strongest look in his Fall 2009 collection. The footless leggings are far too LiLo. And I really dislike the Rousseau shoes.

The only good thing I can say is, “at least you didn’t design it yourself!”

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Mad plaid

November 24, 2008 at 8:11 pm (Boots, Cardigan, Draped, Katie Holmes, Plaid, Ruffles, Suri Cruise) (, , , , , , )

I really thought/hoped/dreamed/prayed we were past the full length tartan plaid look. Sure, I get that the kid likes to wear dresses and refuses to wear pants. Does that mean that mom has to wear a big, full, ruffled, shapeless dress too? Suri’s dress and cardigan are way cuter than this ensemble.

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Dancing queen

October 17, 2008 at 10:12 am (Clutch, Harem pants, Katie Holmes, Lace, Necklace, Shiny, Strapless) (, , , , , , )

I look at a lot of celebrity pictures. It’s kinda a hobby. Some make me swoon. Some make me laugh. Some make me shake my head in puzzlement. But very few make me really cringe. Cringe as in furrowed-brow-while-covering-my-eyes cringe.

This one made me cringe. What is it? Has wacky Katie Holmes gown to “fashion designing” again? I really just don’t get it. At all.

Now, I’m not a fan of jumpsuits. But I could see the white pants and strapless top combo as a jumpsuit. Retro seventies. Dancing queen. Harem pants. Not a favorite look, but one I could at least understand.

I have absolutely no clue how that seventies disco vibe coordinates with a sheer lace top. What!?!? Then we’ve added the eighties power-suit necklace and I’m utterly confused.

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Joe six pack

October 8, 2008 at 3:04 pm (Flats, Katie Holmes, Suri Cruise) (, , , , , , )

Here is case-in-point that the Tom Cruise family lives in a different world than us average “Joe six packs.” In May, Suri Cruise is photographed playing with her mom’s $600 Roger Vivier flats. Ergo, it makes perfect sense that said child is made a one-of-a-kind custom-made pair of Roger Vivier flats.

Awww. How cute. Mommy and me get to wear matching shoes. Never mind that these are ridiculously expensive shoes that she’ll outgrow in 3 months (not that I think they had to buy then, mind you).

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Potato farmer

October 6, 2008 at 1:31 pm (Katie Holmes, Scarf) (, , , , , )

Is Katie Holmes moonlighting as a potato farmer in an Eastern European country? Did her hair dryer blow a fuse this morning? Or is she going to star in Fiddler on the Roof next?

Why else would she be wearing a babushka?

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Superhero

September 29, 2008 at 10:24 am (Backless, Boots, Katie Holmes, Leggings, Shiny) (, , , , , , )

Victoria Beckham must be going for the Superhero of Fashion look. Perhaps she is able to leap tall buildings in a single bound? Or she will save Gotham City from from the perils of blah fashion?

I’ll say this for Ms. Beckham– she always creates a sensation. For the launch of the Beckham’s new fragrance, she sported Antonio Berardi from head to toe (but not heel).

The dress is lovely and very sculptural. I liked it better at it’s original runway length (which was a few inches longer, but still well above the knee). Her mega-shortened skirt lost most of the interesting detail along the thigh. But a beautiful dress.

It’s the rubberized-leggings-that-become-heelless-platform-boots that are…aahh…noteworthy. They certainly aren’t for everyone. If anyone can pull them off, i would be Victoria Beckham. I like that they push the boundary of what is expected. But when does pushing boundaries just become absurd? Absurd, as in “I can’t really walk or stand in these” absurd? I mean, really? Come on.

I can’t wait until her BFF Katie Holmes buys these to wear with her pegged baggy jeans.

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Ad nauseam

August 29, 2008 at 1:53 pm (Cardigan, Denim, Floral, Katie Holmes, Pleated) (, , , , , )

I am torn between being totally repulsed and totally glued to Katie Holmes watch- NYC 08. On one hand, can’t the girl just go to rehearsals without being photographed ad nauseam? On the other hand, what crazy thing will she do with denim today?

What a quandary– avert our eyes or keep a rapt attention?

I felt the same tension toward the end of the Olympics. Michael Phelps had achieved his mission, I had watched four consecutive nights of beach volleyball,and I don’t really know anything about rhythmic gymnastics. So should I keep watching Bob Costas, or should I actually get off the dang couch and be productive?

My answer to the Olympic question was to keep watching, watching hours of TV watching until I cross-eyed. My answer to the Katie Holmes question is to keep blogging, especially when she wears this Missoni pleated floral shapeless “dress” with a Mr. Rogers cardigan. It’s like gawking at a traffic accident–we just can’t turn away. God help us.

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Losing my lunch

August 25, 2008 at 2:02 pm (Denim, Katie Holmes, Sneakers) (, , , , , , )

I really don’t feel well. I think I am going to lose my lunch on this one. It is really that nauseatingly, horribly, side-splittingly bad. It’s not just bad fashion. It’s plain old take-me-to-the-ER-to-have-my-stomach-pumped bad.

When Katie Holmes spent the last month running around New York in men’s prps jeans, I didn’t like her peg-and-roll look, but at least I thought it was endearing that she was wearing Tom’s jeans while they were separated. It seemed cute in an eighth-grade sort of way. Like writing “I © Tom” on her notebook.

Not now we realize that they aren’t HIS jeans after all. What we have here is a case of HIS AND HERS jeans. With complimentary sneakers. That is a whole different category. We moved from cute to creepy. From endearing to nauseating.

Even poor Suri is hiding her head in shame.

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There’s no place like home

August 6, 2008 at 2:28 pm (Deep V, Denim, Katie Holmes, Sequins, Suri Cruise) (, , , , , , )

Did Katie Holmes pack a weekend duffel bag for her stay in New York? And isn’t NYC usually unbearably hot in the summer? She’s been wearing these pegged Prps Jeans every dang day, with long-sleeved sweaters and cardigans, as if she doesnt have any other clothes.

The Wizard of Oz quotes about her shoes are whizzing around my head. Is she off to see the wizard? Is there no place like home? Is Suri  really Toto? Sweaters and pegged jeans and flats, oh my! I know we’re not in Kansas!

Finally, what is up with Suri Cruise? Sure, she is cute as a dumpling. But how can a two year-old be on a swing and not break out in a huge grin? It doesn’t seem natural. Maybe those bottles she still uses put her in a trance?

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Workin’ at the car wash

July 31, 2008 at 3:29 pm (All Black, Katie Holmes, Leggings, Ruffles, Tank) (, , , , , )

Part of me really likes Katie Holmes. I think she was refreshing and perky once. And although I think Tom Cruise is a controlling Svengali, I hope she is happy.

Her fashion choices have gone through several Madonna-like iterations. Once she was the wholesome girl-next-door. Then she was a sleek minimalist. Then she was a high fashion couture runway fan, who uttered “You cannot be unprepared for a season.”

What is she now? Hobo Chic? Downtrodden Urban? She has been sporting pegged baggy jeans, roomy cardigans, and chunky belts that look more Gap sale rack that Giorgio Armani.  And today she looks like a walking car wash.

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