Linebacker

February 17, 2009 at 11:24 am (Belt, Clutch, Kim Kardashian, Leather, Shoulder pads, Tank) (, , , , , )

This season seems to be about shoulder pads. I’m not sure how well this translates from runway to real life.

Case in point: Kim Kardashian.

She actually looks great. Hair and make up- great. Outfit- not earth shattering, but she looks OK. Shoulder pads- Hmmmm, not feeling the love. I get the idea, but it’s a little to edgy for her to pull off.

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Lethal

November 24, 2008 at 12:09 pm (All Black, Boots, Deep V, Halter, Leather, Leggings, Metallic, Rihanna, Shiny, Strapless, Studded) (, , , , , , )

Rihanna: is this fashion or a deadly weapon? It makes a great AMA stage costume, but I’m honestly a little frightened by it. Very Pamela Anderson/ Barb Wire, Bridgette Nielsen, or “Letha” Stella from Project Runway. And we know how classy they all are.

PS I do not like your hair as of late. Please rethink the short bouffant look!

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From a distance

October 13, 2008 at 10:24 am (Asymmetrical, Checkered, Leather, Lindsay Lohan, Sheer) (, , , , , , )

From a distance (to quote a sappy Bette Midler), Lindsay Lohan looks ok. Zooming in tells a completely different story. She becomes a trainwreck.

Exhibit A: Spray Tan. How did they miss her knees and ankles? And is she really that pasty and ashen?

Exhibit B: Sheer Top. You can see the tag on the side, and there seems to have been a rip near her right boob that was shoddily fixed.

Exhibit C: Bra Strap. Three cheers that she wore a bra, given the sheerness of the top and her propensity to go without support. But why not a strapless bra?

I think she should have kept her leather jacket on!

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See more

October 3, 2008 at 4:56 pm (All Black, Corset, Leather, Leggings, Lingerie, Stephanie Seymour) (, , , , , , , )

We really don’t need to see more of Stephanie Seymour’s outfit at yesterday’s Yves Saint Laurent show. The outfit is a mish-mash of looks and trends, and honestly it just doesn’t seem to fit her personality or age.

Skirt and leggings? You need to be a little younger. Gathered corseted leather Azzedine Alaia skirt? You need to be a little edgier. Sheer black top and peek-a-boo bra? You need to be a little Britnier. No make up? You need to be a little tanner. All together, you need to be a little more cohesive-ier.

Sure, I know cohesive-ier isn’t a word. But you get the idea. This look has no cohesiveness or clear point of view. Whatsoever.

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Zzzzzzz

September 11, 2008 at 11:34 am (Leather, Lindsay Lohan, Necklace, Tank) (, , , , , , )

I’m sorry. Have I fallen asleep at my computer, or has Lindsay Lohan been wearing the same dang outfit for the last year?  Perhaps I’ve been living in a time warp, but you don’t *always* have to wear a miniskirt and heels. There are other options (besides leggings). Let’s try a trouser. Or a knee-length skirt.

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Bermuda triangle

September 10, 2008 at 1:14 pm (Fur, Leather, Mary-Kate Olsen) (, , , , , , )

Perhaps Mary-Kate Olsen is doing research for a role. Maybe she is thinking of playing Amelia Earhart? Why else would she select this woolly mammoth of a jacket? And at least Amelia accessorized her bomber jacket with a scarf and a smile.

I do have to admit to a bias against bomber jackets with wool collars. I have a distant recollection of bomber jackets long ago. It’s a foggy memory, but what I remember the most is that the woolly collar smelled musty and dusty and gross. Just want you want ensconced around your neck. Yeeeesch.

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One singular sensation

September 9, 2008 at 12:57 pm (Gladiator Sandal, Headband, Leather, Lingerie, Metallic, Nicole Richie, Tank) (, , , , , , )

I took a jazz dance class in the sixth grade. We learned a dance routine to the song One, from A Chorus Line. You know the song. It will be burned in your brain for the rest of the day. “One. Singular sensation. Every little step she takes…”

We wore little tuxedo leotards and white bowler hats with a silver sequined band. Just like Nicole Richie’s headband. I’m not kidding. It was exactly the same.

I’m sure the Marc Jacobs show was pretty great. I hope Miss Richie liked it. And thank heavens he featured rakish Mary Poppins hats rather than sequined headbands.

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Off key

July 9, 2008 at 1:33 pm (Alicia Keys, Belt, Denim, Hat, Leather, Scarf) (, , , , )

Dear Diary,

London’s awesome in the summer. I’m so glad I have a show here tonight. It’s about sunny and 63 degrees (that’s about 17 degrees for my Celsius diary readers). Let’s catch some sites. Big Ben. Tower of London. London Eye. Those silly double-decker buses. Love ’em all.

What to wear. What. To. Wear. Hmmm. I do want to fit in, you know. Regular person on the street. Don’t want people staring.

I *am* feeling a bit biker-chick-chic today. Let’s try my grey jeans and my toasty warm lined leather jacket. Fierce. What if I get too cold? I have to keep my throat warmed and ready to sing. Got it! How about my black Louis Vuitton bib– I mean scarf. Perfect. Plus, if I decide to have a whole lobster for lunch, I’ll be all set. No dripped butter on this t-shirt. Let’s add my trucker cap and fake-police-badge-belt. If I pull my belt to the side, I’ll look jaunty. Those crazy Brits like jaunty, right?

Perfect. Dude. Good. To. Go. Peace-out.

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Blinded by the white

June 30, 2008 at 4:00 pm (Denim, High Waisted, Leather, Rumer Willis, Shorts, Shoulder pads) (, , , , )

I sit at a desk all day and pound away at a keyboard. I don’t live in LA. I don’t have a convertible. I don’t take exotic vacations with cabanas and private beaches. And yet, somehow, even my legs aren’t this white.

Are big shoulder pads coming back into style? The jury’s still out on that one. But this jacket looks more 80s original than modern interpretation. And I am speechless by the high-waisted short-shorts. There just aren’t words.

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Where have you been, Mischa Barton?

June 19, 2008 at 12:22 pm (Beaded, Leather, Scarf, Sheer, Shorts, Suede, Tights, Tribal, Vest) (, )

Just yesterday, I was pining to myself, “Where are you, Mischa Barton? It’s been several days since I’ve seen you in a wacky ensemble. You actually looked quite nice at the Viktor and Rolf event in London. Maybe you changed stylists? Or actually hired one?”

But don’t despair! Our gal is back in predicatably bad fashion.

Here she is at the Billionaire Boys Club event in London last night. Maybe she was competing in a contest to wear as many random items as possible at one time– kinda like seeing how many jelly beans you can fit into your mouth at once.

 

 

Here’s the tally of items in this outfit:

1. patterned scarf
2. sheer blouse with embroidered front
3. beaded vest
4. leather jacket
5. bright yellow silk short shorts
6. black tights
7. beaded suede sandals
8. shoulder bag

 

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