Tease

July 17, 2008 at 11:53 am (All Black, Corsage, Draped, Headband, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Shiny) (, , , , , )

Maggie Gyllenhaal, oh how you tease us. You usually show up braless in some quirky caftan outfit from 1942. Then you come to the Dark Knight premiere looking fab-u-lous, and we think there is hope. Our heart swells with the promise of brighter days.

Only to have out heart sink once again. What is this? From the velvet Glad bag couture line? With a matching Zsa Zsa Gabor head turban and a chest rosette? Why, Lord, why? Why does she tease us so? Why are do we allow our hopes to rise, only to be dashed again?

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Milkmaid

May 27, 2008 at 9:59 pm (Maggie Gyllenhaal, Plaid) ()

Maggie Gyllenhaal makes this too easy. She goes to a Peace Bed-in sponsored by Ben and Jerry’s dressed like a flippin’ Vermont milkmaid. Honestly. You don’t need me to write anything here. This shit can write itself.

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Artist angst

May 14, 2008 at 7:19 pm (Floral, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Tights) ()

Ok, Maggie Gyllenhaal. We get it. You are an artist. You are quirky. You don’t like to follow rules or convention. You are avant garde. That all is just fine, but usually you end up looking like a haus-frau wearing your grandmother’s bathrobe.

This little Mayle number tries to look springy with the bright floral, then turns Amish with its shapeless black bottom. The black tights and clod-hopper shoes only make things worse.  The sleeve length and shape is horrible, the zipper is horrible. The weird pocket accent is horrible. Overall, it is just horrible.

The rumpled hair and neon pink lipstick add to the air of dishevelment. Granted, it is probably hard to pick a lipstick color with the floral pattern you are wearing has both pink, red and orange (along with green aqua, yellow and white!) but I wouldn’t recommend the neon pink. Ever.

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