Why the fuss?

January 26, 2009 at 2:10 pm (Beaded, Clutch, Draped, Eva Longoria, Necklace, Pastels, Ruffles, Sheer) (, , , , , , , )

Eva Longoria Parker went from her Golden Globes fashion high to this SAG awards lowest of lows. Her red Golden Globes dress was simple, sleek and streamlined. This look….aaah…umm…isn’t.

Eva, why all the fuss? You are 5’2″ tall. I say avoid the flounce and flourish when you are that height.  And, unless you are literally performing a triple lutz that minute on ice, there is no reason for a built-in-necklace-with-sheer-overlay.

The whole look is giving me an orange sherbet push-up brain freeze.

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From a galaxy far, far away

October 16, 2008 at 12:00 pm (Deep V, Hood, Melanie Brown, Pastels, Sequins, Shiny) (, , , , , , , )

For the MOBO Awards, Mel B was apparently inspired by Grace Jones in a galaxy far, far away. Oh yeah, and her supernaturally buoyant boobs.

How else to explain this shiny pink hooded far-out confection?

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Hypnotized, mezmerized

September 15, 2008 at 2:01 pm (Kate Beckinsale, Pastels, Ruffles) (, , , , , , )

I’m feeling very sleepy…I’m feeelliing verry sleeepppy…I’m feeeelllllliinnnngg verrrry sleeeeeppppppyyy. 

I think I’m being hypnotized by Kate Beckinsale’s Prada dress. My head is spinning and my eyes are swirling.

Is it a good thing that this dress puts me into a trance? Is it a good thing to look like a coral reef? Is the dress even particularly flattering to her body?

I’m not sure. All I know is that when she snaps her fingers I’ll wake up refreshed. Maybe I’ll even have quit smoking!

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The little mermaid

September 5, 2008 at 10:39 am (Anne Hathaway, Draped, Necklace, Pastels, Ruffles, Strapless) (, , , , , , )

There are a handful of celebrities who have the persona to match this dress. Charlize. Nicole. I think Anne looks a tad timid yet.

Of course it is a whopper of a dress. If you like full-on drama, then you’ll love this Atelier Versace gown. I’m not sold 100%. It’s like a sideways mullet– mini-dress on her left, frou frou train trailing to her right.

And the color feels a little washed-out against her skin, unless you count the seafoam green crinolines. And the ruffle swirls make me hum “Under the Sea” while swaying back and forth in my hoop dress.

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Not bellissima

August 5, 2008 at 11:57 am (Draped, Necklace, Pastels, Ruffles, Salma Hayek, Sequins) (, , , , , )

Salma Hayek seems to have been swathed in glittery cotton candy at the premiere of Vicky Cristina Barcelona last night.

I’m not feeling Salma’s post-baby fashion mojo. She used to be so sleek, sultry and exotic. Now I am getting more frumpy and demure. And, given the current size of her chest, frumpy and demure has to be a big challenge!

What’s up with the two-tiered bib in the front of this Balenciaga dress? Bring back the knock ’em dead Salma!

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Teen (bad fashion) choice award

August 4, 2008 at 9:25 am (David Beckham, Denim, Joy Lauren, Necklace, Pastels, Plaid, Shorts, Tank, Vest) (, , , , , , , , )

It’s probably a little tough to dress for the Teen Choice Awards. The average age of the viewing audience is about 15. So people who really are about 15 want to look older and more sophisticated, but still trendy. Those who are double the target age (or older!) are painfully trying to still look relevant and hip. Instead, you get Brian Austin Green failing to look either hip or trendy.

Here is exhibit A: Teens Trying to Look Older- Joy Lauren.

Here is exhibit B: Non-Teens Trying to Look
Hip and Relevant- Most of the people in the room over the age of 30. Let’s start with David Beckham and move to Mariah Carey, Randy Jackson, Adam Sandler, etc.

In all these cases, I say: Dress Your Age! If you are young and perky, don’t dress like you are 50 in a below-the-knee black skirt, unflattering vest, and matronly pearl necklace.

And if you age doesn’t end in -teen anymore, please acknowledge that. You can still look relevant and trendy without going to extremes. It’s better for people to think you look great for your age. Nothing is worse than trying to hard and not succeeding.

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Melting sno-cone

August 1, 2008 at 4:15 pm (Draped, Headband, Katy Perry, Pastels, Shiny) (, , , , , )

Dear Diary:

The County Fair is so much fun. I put on my kickiest tan sundress and a cute teal ribbon in my hair. But you will NOT believe what happened next!? I was on the tilt-a-whirl eating my rainbow sno-cone, when lo and behold the sno-cone spilled all over the seat. As we tilted and whirled, it got ALL OVER my kicky tan sundress.

OMG!!! What should I do? I have to play at the Lollapalooza concert later! Whatever. I am a chameleon and can adapt to any situation. I’ll just show up and pretend that my dress was supposed to look like a melted pasted dessert confection.

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I’ll be hating this long time

July 23, 2008 at 9:17 am (Denim, Mariah Carey, Pastels) (, , , , , )

Memo to Mariah Carey: It isn’t 1995, and it ain’t Jersey. This look doesn’t fly any more.

She obviously wants us to know she had a kickin’ body–and she does. She obviously likes a youthful, girly style–great. She can accomplish all that (and more!) without looking like a trailer trash guest star on My Name is Earl.

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Monet fish scales

July 1, 2008 at 3:24 pm (Draped, Kerry Washington, Pastels, Ruffles, Sequins) (, , , , )

I guess I get these Armani Prive pieces separately. The jacket reminds me a bit of fish scales, and I’m iffy on the neckline, but the jacket alone with a simpler bottom is tolerable.

The skirt alone with a simpler top could also be tolerated. It’s a little Monet manic with pleats and draping, but I can see the feminine look it is going for.

Together, the outfit makes no sense. I’m not sure if it even matches/flows/goes together. I’m just befuddled.

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Good ship lollypop

June 20, 2008 at 11:31 am (Deep V, Hat, Pastels, Rihanna, Ruffles, Vest) (, )

This skirt is utterly ridiculous. There is no other way to describe it. Is she a conductor on the Good Ship Lollypop? Or the cruise director for the gay carnival cruise to Barbados?

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