Is this an outfit

March 16, 2009 at 11:20 am (Buttons, Cardigan, Deep V, Liv Tyler, Pockets, Sheer) (, , , , , , )

I’m not sure I can even call this an outfit.

Doesn’t it look like Liv Tyler threw a cardigan over her nightie to grab the newspaper off the front stoop?

Or perhaps she’s recreating the final scene from Bridget Jones’s Diary, where Bridget is chases after Mark Darcy in her tiny undies after he reads the unflattering comments in her diary.

Either way, this just isn’t an outfit.

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Chili

January 26, 2009 at 11:37 am (Belt, Denim, High Waisted, Jessica Simpson, Pockets, Tank) (, , , , , , )

Did Jessica Simpson perform at the Chili Cook-off in Podunk, Florida, or did she participate in the chili eating contest? Wowzers.

Now, we all gain a pound or two. Or ten. I have no problem with that. But I do think you need to adapt your fashion choices to compliment your body. And this outfit most definitely does *not* do her any favors.

High waisted pants with huge ass pockets, a double-decker leopard belt, and a tank top? Not exactly figure flattering. And why-oh-why does she always resort to the Jenny-McCarthy-late-90s-MTV facial gestures?

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Didn’t try

November 13, 2008 at 11:11 am (All White, Michelle Branch, Pockets) (, , , , , , , )

Obviously, Michelle Branch didn’t put too much work into her gunny sack-origami CMA look. So we won’t put much work into the analysis.

It just sucks.

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Roadkill

June 25, 2008 at 2:27 pm (Bows, Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Pockets, Sashes) (, , )

Maybe Jamie-Lynn Sigler is going for artsy here, in a Jackson Pollack or Salvador Dali way. It doesn’t say artsy. It says uninspired. It says shapeless. It says too long. It says booooring.

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Down with jumpsuits

June 16, 2008 at 7:40 pm (All Black, Brooke Shields, Deep V, Jumpsuit, Pockets, Sequins) (, )

I will go on the record firmly and unequivocally. I. DO. NOT. LIKE. JUMPSUITS. I have, on rare occasions, seen one or two that aren’t atrocious. But that is extremely rare. And it is usually because the person is rail thin.

This is not an exception to the jumpsuit rule. Brooke, Brooke, Brooke. Come on. This jumpsuit is wrong on so many levels. It is blousey. It has a low slung belt. The pants are too long (or your heels are too short). The the entire God-forsaken thing is covered in sequins.

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Much too much

June 16, 2008 at 10:12 am (All Black, Belt, Leggings, Pockets, Rihanna, Ruffles, Shiny, Stretch) (, )

Rihanna certainly is an entertainer. Her clothing choices for Sunday’s Much Music Awards in Toronto were quite entertaining!

She arrived in the long black dress; that skirt looks like it is make out of neoprene! And what is the deal on the belt/suspender combo? She looks harnessed for hauling a farm wagon. And I really don’t get it given the buttoned belt of the skirt.

She then performed in the ruffled top and leggings ensemble. I am so OVER the rubberized legging look. The ruffled top looks like a shapeless crinkled garbage bag. Is there actually a belt floating around in there? And the hat screams Village People.

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Red carpet nerd

June 13, 2008 at 2:55 pm (Aisha Tyler, Necklace, Pockets, Shorts, Suits) (, )

We know Aisha Tyler is brilliant. We know she is at a celebrity scrabble tournament. Still. What is the deal with this nerdy outfit?

The cut of the jacket is too loose, too long and too dull. The odd skirt/skort/short bottoms make no sense, especially when they are almost entirely covered by the jacket. The necklace belongs on a slinky and fitted dress, not a matronly button-up lapel jacket.

Most of all, what is UP with her bangs? The look on her face says it all — she knows she didn’t bring her A game with this look.

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Go team go!

June 12, 2008 at 1:22 pm (Deep V, Kate Moss, Pockets) (, )

I know what Kate Moss is going for here, and she is almost pulling it off. Almost. But, as they say, “almost” only counts in horseshoes.

This outfit looks kinda like an intergalatic cheerleading uniform for a stodgy corporate softball game of Team Banker vs Team Lawyer. I know the photo is at a funny angle, but doesn’t the cut make her shoulders look twice as wide as her hips? Finally, it is just a tad too snug in the waist.

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Polly Pockets

May 15, 2008 at 6:58 pm (Backless, Eva Longoria, Pockets, Sequins) ()

I am not sure who started the pockets-in-evening-wear idea, but this dress takes it to a whole new level. There are very few absolutes in life, but here is one: pasting some big ‘ol pockets on you boobs are NEVER a good idea. Never. Ever.

I like the color combination. I don’t mind the cut of the dress, although it looks a little blousey on top. But the open back really does nothing for me.

The look isn’t horrible. But it isn’t stellar either. And we are accustomed to a lot more from Ms. Longoria!

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