Props

March 10, 2009 at 9:56 am (Asymmetrical, Boots, Cardigan, Diane Kruger, Fur, Metallic, Ruffles, Shiny, Tights) (, , , , , , )

I guess you gotta give Diane Kruger some props for trying. She tries very hard. And she is usually soooo close.

But, as they say, close only counts in horseshoes.  Certainly not in fashion.

The Roberto Cavallichain link dress seems a little frumpy figure skater. And I don’t get the fur shrug with dress. Put it on a tailored Dita von Teese or Victoria Beckham look and I get it. But with an edgy dress and trash sack booties? Nuh-uh.

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Orange you glad to see me?

February 13, 2009 at 11:12 am (Cut-outs, Lace, Michelle Monaghan, Ruffles, Sheer, Tulle) (, , , , , )

I was on a little vacation, and came back to see Michelle Monaghan wearing this Louis Vuitton train wreck.

Whaaaaat? Was I gone too long? Did my eye sight get distorted from too much sun? WTF is this thing? And what would compel anyone (other than Madonna, who is paid to wear Vuitton) to wear this monstrosity?

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Why the fuss?

January 26, 2009 at 2:10 pm (Beaded, Clutch, Draped, Eva Longoria, Necklace, Pastels, Ruffles, Sheer) (, , , , , , , )

Eva Longoria Parker went from her Golden Globes fashion high to this SAG awards lowest of lows. Her red Golden Globes dress was simple, sleek and streamlined. This look….aaah…umm…isn’t.

Eva, why all the fuss? You are 5’2″ tall. I say avoid the flounce and flourish when you are that height.  And, unless you are literally performing a triple lutz that minute on ice, there is no reason for a built-in-necklace-with-sheer-overlay.

The whole look is giving me an orange sherbet push-up brain freeze.

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Jolie

December 12, 2008 at 3:40 pm (Belt, Kim Kardashian, Ruffles, Strapless) (, , , , , , )

Apparently Kim Kardashian just hired Angelina Jolie’s stylist. So why does Angelina look chic and elegant and Kim look silly and large-headed?

I’ll grant you that Kim’s…ah…physique is hard to dress. And I like the turn toward sleek and classy. But this D&G dress is all wrong for her. I think I’d love it on Natalie Portman or Nicole Kidman. But I hat it on Kim. It doesn’t suit her proportions. And her hairdo makes the proportions even worse.

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QVC

December 11, 2008 at 1:15 pm (Bangles, Belt, Buttons, Clutch, Costume, Metallic, Military, Paula Abdul, Ruffles, Sequins, Shiny) (, , , , , )

Sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

Is this how you have to dress to sell jewelry of QVC? Or is Paula Abdul competing in the Michael Jackson dress-alike contest?

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Flamenco

December 2, 2008 at 5:06 pm (Kim Kardashian, Necklace, Ruffles) (, , , , , , )

Who died? Kim Kardashian looks like she is a flamenco-dancer-in-mourning. Her hairstyle also makes her look like Jennifer Love Hewitt.

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Mad plaid

November 24, 2008 at 8:11 pm (Boots, Cardigan, Draped, Katie Holmes, Plaid, Ruffles, Suri Cruise) (, , , , , , )

I really thought/hoped/dreamed/prayed we were past the full length tartan plaid look. Sure, I get that the kid likes to wear dresses and refuses to wear pants. Does that mean that mom has to wear a big, full, ruffled, shapeless dress too? Suri’s dress and cardigan are way cuter than this ensemble.

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Mullet

October 30, 2008 at 10:10 am (Belt, Draped, Gemma Arterton, Ruffles, Strapless) (, , , , , , )

I am not a fan of mullets. In hair or in clothes. Then again, I am not really a fan of Bond films. So I was predestined to dislike Gemma Arterton’s Balmain dress at the recent Bond premiere.

The dress is a little ice-capades-meets-WWF. The dress (especially from the front) looks like a figure skating costume. The studded shoes and middle-weight-champion belt give the WWF edge. And the full train just makes it odd.

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A little bit country

October 29, 2008 at 1:26 pm (Joss Stone, Lace, Ruffles) (, , , , , , )

Joss Stone looks a little bit too country. Dowdy. Frumpy. Dumpy. Annoyingly cheery. Shall I continue?

Might I recommend a little bit rock-n-roll?

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Sack dress

October 22, 2008 at 11:50 am (Clutch, Necklace, Rosario Dawson, Ruffles, Tank) (, , , , , , , )

I am decidedly *not* feeling the love for Rosario Dawson’s Burberry dress. Let me count the ways:

Shape: What shape? It is snooze boring and utterly shapeless.
Color: What color? Puce green? Even *if* the color didn’t photograph well, it’s still not an attractive color.
Accessories: More snooze. Plain black clutch. Plain black pumps. Plain black beaded necklace.
Undergarments: I suggest you wear some.

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