On Garde

February 23, 2009 at 11:01 am (Beaded, Draped, Reese Witherspoon, Sashes) (, , , , , , , , , )

I’ll be the first to admit that Rodarte is my my cup of tea. I am not edgy or avant garde. But I can appreciate it on a Natalie Portman or Tilda Swinton.

But I almost fell out off the couch when I saw Reese Witherspoon in Rodarte at last night’s Oscars. Really? Sweet Home Alabama? June Carter Cash? Elle Woods? In Rodarte?

More than incompatibility, though, was the fact that this dress does absolutely nothing for Reese. I don’t understand the straps. Or the bodice.  Or the random light blue chunk of hem.

Get Nina Ricci back on your speed dial!

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Hospital gown

January 27, 2009 at 1:24 pm (Clutch, Natalie Portman, Sashes) (, , , , , , )

Did Natalie Portman become the spokesperson for a new line of organic Japanese hospital gowns? What else would compel her to don this sad frock?

I think she got her combover styled at the Donald Trump hair salon. It looks like a female version of The Donald’s infamous ‘do — frizzy ends and all.

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Oh dear

December 11, 2008 at 1:03 pm (Bows, Metallic, Pleated, Sashes, Scarlett Johansson, Strapless) (, , , , , , )

Oh dear. Where to start with this disappointment of a dress?

Chesty gals should NOT wear frou-frou bodices. You’ve got the girls. You don’t need to adorn them with anything else. No bows. No tuxedo-collar wings. Just a simple bodice that highlights what everyone is already looking at anyways.

And why does she always stand a little pigeon toed?

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First lady

November 5, 2008 at 12:45 pm (Cardigan, Michelle Obama, Sashes) (, , , , , , )

I’m thrilled and excited that a) the political ads will finally end and b) that Obama was elected.

I’m less than thrilled with Michelle Obama’s Narciso Rodriguez dress. I loved that the new first family was all coordinated. But I just didn’t like how the dress cut her up. It was black at the neckline, red at the bust, black at the waist/cummerbund and sides, red at the thighs, and black again at the hem. That’s a lot going on.

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October 6, 2008 at 12:01 pm (Ashley Judd, Corsage, Sashes) (, , , , , , )

Maybe it’s just the Monday blahs, but I can’t get a lot of excitement going for Ashley Judd’s dress. I don’t hate it, but it feels very heavy handed. There is *a lot* going on, with the flowers and the sash and the pattern and the length.

It ain’t a costume party. You don’t need to come dressed like the matador’s senora.

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Icy stare

September 26, 2008 at 3:27 pm (Feathers, Metallic, Renee Zellweger, Sashes, Sheer) (, , , , , , )

I’m reeling from the news that Renee Zellweger wore Carolina Herrera on the red carpet. Gasp! She *never* wears Carolina Herrera!?

I think this dress is just a tad too much. And Carolina is usually so understated. But with the sheer and the feathers and the metal embellishments and the cuffs and the feathers and the sash and the ribbon decoration everywhere it feels a bit busy. Overworked.

I also think Renee should avoid cool colors. Her coloring (like Nicole Kidman) runs on the icy side, so these cool colors make her look a bit frigid. And her puckered facial expressions aren’t helping.

Also, Renee, please, please, please rethink your hairstyle. Pretty please?

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Cry for attention

September 2, 2008 at 9:24 am (All White, Deep V, Draped, Sashes, Sheer, Thandie Newton) (, , , , , , , )

It’s hard to get the photographers to notice you when Madonna and Guy Ritchie are also on the red carpet. But Thandie Newton didn’t need to resort to such drastic measures to get a little attention!

I’ll grant that the dress is edgy and dramatic. Given that the movie being premiered is Rocknrolla, dramatic makes sense.

The skirt is just crazy. How does one get into it? It’s like a hammock. Or harem pants, without the pants.

I’m giving two thumbs down to this outfit. As it seems critics are giving to Guy Ritchie’s movie. Can you believe he already has a sequel in the works?

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At a loss

August 28, 2008 at 3:11 pm (Clutch, Deep V, Heidi Montag, Jumpsuit, Sashes) (, , , , , , )

I’m at a loss. Spent. Don’t know what else to say. Reason doesn’t work. Logic means nothing. So I have no words left to explain how and why and where I do NOT like jumpsuits.

Instead, I’ll focus all that contempt and dislike for Heidi Montag instead. Grrrr.

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28 Dresses

July 22, 2008 at 5:01 pm (Anna Popplewell, Bows, Sashes, Shiny) (, , , , , )

Dear Diary,

I just loved the movie 27 Dresses. It was sooo funny, and that James Marsden sure is a cutie pie. He was great in Enchanted too. I really love him. Now, I’m only 19, and he’s like 34. Maybe if I dress like I’m twice my age, he’ll like me more.

This “dress older” plan is great. That’ll snag me the man of my dreams. I’ll wear a matronly red dress that covers my knees and has poofy sleeves. The bright red will make my porcelain white skin look even whiter. And I’ll do my hair in a great up-do that should add a good ten years to my appearance.

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Second glance

July 22, 2008 at 11:32 am (All Black, Bows, Cut-outs, Deep V, Kate Walsh, Sashes) (, , , , , )

It took a second glance to recognize the craziness of Kate Walsh’s dress.

First glance: kinda cute, rather nondescript, but no obvious components to hate, detest and revile.

Second glance: WHOAAAAA Nelly! What is the deal with this dress? What is that in the back? A cape? A rear-facing bib? A mud-flap?

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