Undergarments

January 30, 2009 at 3:07 pm (Belt, Hat, High Waisted, Leggings, Mischa Barton, Necklace, Scarf, Shiny, Suspenders, T-Shirt, Tank) (, , , , , , )

Now, this seems like a whole lotta look for just walking down the street (even if it is a street in Paris during Fashion week).

Each individual component is tolerable, but all together (hat, necklaces, tank/tee, suspenders, belt, bracelet, skirt, tights, purse, scarf, tights, shoes) with a big hair and dark eyeliner equals too much.

And Mischa….darling…let me introduce you to a bra. When you’re wearing something high-waisted, you really need to wear a bra.

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Potato farmer

October 6, 2008 at 1:31 pm (Katie Holmes, Scarf) (, , , , , )

Is Katie Holmes moonlighting as a potato farmer in an Eastern European country? Did her hair dryer blow a fuse this morning? Or is she going to star in Fiddler on the Roof next?

Why else would she be wearing a babushka?

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Call 911

September 2, 2008 at 11:43 am (Mock Turtleneck, Scarf, Sharon Stone) (, , , , , )

Is Sharon Stone unwell? Has she consumed an illegal drug? In a lethargic stupor from too much turkey? Exhausted from singlehandedly curing AIDS? Should someone call a doctor? 911?

She has taken style cues from Matthew McConaughey and wrapped a bubblicious rainbow scarf around her bedraggled head. Apparently, whatever is ailing Ms. Stone prevents her from combing her hair or washing her face. And it gives her the chills so she has to wear a ribbed turtleneck sweater in Malibu.

I am worried she is suffering from multiple personality. Where is the “I-OWN-this-red-carpet” Sharon Stone who can show up even Elton John in outrageousness? Bring her back! We love to mock and ridicule *that* Sharon Stone. It is so unrewarding to mock and ridicule this Sharon Stone.

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Casual red carpet

August 1, 2008 at 9:31 am (Alicia Silverstone, Amanda Peet, Clutch, Denim, Scarf, Stripes) (, , , , , , )

We need to discuss a disturbing trend: the casual red carpet.

To me, red carpet is inherently dressy. Like black tie. You needn’t wear a tiara, but sweats (Latifah!) and excessively casual wear should really be avoided. It just looks apathetic and lazy.

I mean, c’mon. You are paid an exorbitant amount to read some lines and stroll around at a premiere. I don’t mean to underestimate the skill it takes to be an actor. The constant flashbulbs, the hours you have to devote to keeping your body in peak photographic form, and the nuisance of looking through the free bling that everyone wants to throw at you. But the person making your coffee each morning makes about $10 an hour, and they are dressed better than this.

I certainly wasn’t invited to the premiere of Pineapple Express. Perhaps the invite said “sloppy casual,” and all the other guests ignored it. I dunno. But both Amanda Peet and Alicia Silverstone stood out for their laissez faire attire.

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Off key

July 9, 2008 at 1:33 pm (Alicia Keys, Belt, Denim, Hat, Leather, Scarf) (, , , , )

Dear Diary,

London’s awesome in the summer. I’m so glad I have a show here tonight. It’s about sunny and 63 degrees (that’s about 17 degrees for my Celsius diary readers). Let’s catch some sites. Big Ben. Tower of London. London Eye. Those silly double-decker buses. Love ’em all.

What to wear. What. To. Wear. Hmmm. I do want to fit in, you know. Regular person on the street. Don’t want people staring.

I *am* feeling a bit biker-chick-chic today. Let’s try my grey jeans and my toasty warm lined leather jacket. Fierce. What if I get too cold? I have to keep my throat warmed and ready to sing. Got it! How about my black Louis Vuitton bib– I mean scarf. Perfect. Plus, if I decide to have a whole lobster for lunch, I’ll be all set. No dripped butter on this t-shirt. Let’s add my trucker cap and fake-police-badge-belt. If I pull my belt to the side, I’ll look jaunty. Those crazy Brits like jaunty, right?

Perfect. Dude. Good. To. Go. Peace-out.

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Retro-Versace

July 7, 2008 at 4:46 pm (Asymmetrical, Celine Dion, Scarf) (, , , , )

Now, Versace designs have never been described as understated or subtle. But this Celine Dion bathing suit– with a matching sarong/scarf/cape, natch– seems a little excessive. It also feels a little too retro-Versace. Not in a timeless, classic, you’ll wear this piece for the rest of your life way. More of a Gianni’s over-the-top Miami Beach villa kind of way.

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Battlestar Galactica

July 7, 2008 at 9:33 am (Belt, Clutch, Cut-outs, Deep V, Draped, Gladiator Sandal, Jennifer Lopez, Maxi-dress, Scarf) (, , , , )

I’m starting to see a little Elizabeth Taylor in Jennifer Lopez. She seems to be going for Liz’s Palm-Springs-aging-superstar look.

I’m all for a realistic body image. JLo has always been curvy, and the woman had twins, for heaven’s sake. Most of us have parts of ourselves we’d like to keep covered up. And most of us don’t look half as good as Jennifer Lopez.

But I am getting this vibe from her that she is trying to compensate for some perceived body imperfections. Like she is trying just a little too hard to show is she is still the sexy siren.

Instead, I see a bit of Battlestar Galactica in this outfit. I think it is the mother of all belts. Assuming the tummy area needs a little work after carrying two human beings, why would you wear a stretchy white Stonehenge of a belt?

PS I think JLo has lost her cajones. What is she doing with that little platic tab in her v-neck. JLo of the green Versace dress would never allow that!

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Buck up, little camper

June 25, 2008 at 3:25 pm (Anne Hathaway, Sashes, Scarf) (, , , )

It’s not necessarily a good day when your ex-boyfriend (whom you broke up with about 20 minutes ago) gets arrested and bail is set at $21 million. But cheer up, Anne Hathaway. Your movie debuted at #1. You are attached at the hip to Steve Carell, one of the funniest people on earth. No need to look so drab.

I had an outfit like this in 1991. It had a skort and two ribbons that laced up in back. I wore it with a scrunchy in my hair to see Julia Roberts in Sleeping with Enemy.

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Couture papoose

June 23, 2008 at 10:04 am (Bows, Draped, Lace, Scarf, Ziyi Zhang) (, , )

I like the Victorian/Edwardian look that Ziyi Zhang is going for here, and the top is very flattering on her slight frame. But I am not sure the purpose of the exaggerated draped scarf. Did Chanel start making a line of couture papooses?

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Where have you been, Mischa Barton?

June 19, 2008 at 12:22 pm (Beaded, Leather, Scarf, Sheer, Shorts, Suede, Tights, Tribal, Vest) (, )

Just yesterday, I was pining to myself, “Where are you, Mischa Barton? It’s been several days since I’ve seen you in a wacky ensemble. You actually looked quite nice at the Viktor and Rolf event in London. Maybe you changed stylists? Or actually hired one?”

But don’t despair! Our gal is back in predicatably bad fashion.

Here she is at the Billionaire Boys Club event in London last night. Maybe she was competing in a contest to wear as many random items as possible at one time– kinda like seeing how many jelly beans you can fit into your mouth at once.

 

 

Here’s the tally of items in this outfit:

1. patterned scarf
2. sheer blouse with embroidered front
3. beaded vest
4. leather jacket
5. bright yellow silk short shorts
6. black tights
7. beaded suede sandals
8. shoulder bag

 

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