Holy. Cow.

March 2, 2009 at 12:02 pm (Sheer, Stripes, Tilda Swinton) (, , , , , , )

Holy. Cow.

We expect the unexpected from Tilda Swinton. I actually enjoy it. But this Christian LaCroix is really something. And not anything good.

It’s not flattering. It’s not even particularly interesting, except to ponder why someone would ever design or wear this.

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Dress mess

February 23, 2009 at 1:58 pm (Amy Adams, Draped, Necklace, Strapless, Stripes) (, , , , , , , , )

This is one mess of a look, Amy Adams. If you paid someone to help you put this together, you should ask for a refund. Pronto. Seriously.

I’m not crazy about the Carolina Herrera dress.  I’d says stripes or sheer, but not both. And doesn’t it look like a magician is doing a trick by pulling out a long sheer scarf from between her boobs?

But the necklace/bib is what makes me crazy. The necklace isn’t exactly my style, but I can see it with a simple dress so the necklace pops. Put it with one of the gazillon colorless dresses on the Oscar red carpet and you’re set. But don’t pair it with a red striped chiffony dress!

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Hit me with your best shot

February 5, 2009 at 4:28 pm (All Black, Beaded, Boots, Leggings, Sequins, Sheer, Stripes, Sweater, Tank, Taylor Momsen) (, , , , , , )

I am utterly and completely over Taylor Momsen’s Pat Benatar look.  Those leggings are really unfortunate.

Plus, I get totally annoyed every time I see her photo. She’s 15 and newly famous. Why does she always look so pissed off about being photographed?

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Batik sling

September 25, 2008 at 5:59 pm (Asymmetrical, Draped, Kristen Bell, Stripes) (, , , , , , )

Kristen Bell seems to be sporting a rainbow batik boob sling. Perhaps a rainbow is appropriate forand event called Outfest, but it that don’t make it good fashion.

I feel like I’m drunk and staring at tv test screen. “This is a test of the Emergency Fashion Broadcast system. If this had been an actual fashion emergency, the signal you just heard would be followed by official fashion information, news or instruction.”

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Cindy Lou Who

September 12, 2008 at 5:34 pm (Cardigan, Cindy McCain, Knit, Stripes) (, , , , , )

Cindy McCain is proof positive that spending a lot of money on designer clothes doesn’t necessarily mean you will be stylish.

Although she has previously demonstrated a strong fondess for garish colors (remember turquoise, mustard, and fuchsia?), at least she usually she sticks to one monochromatic garish color at a time.

Earlier this week, she selected an overly festive How the Grinch Stole Christmas color palette. Augment the red and green color scheme with the striped texture to her dress, the knitted and tasseled teapot cozy of a cardigan, and the bright pink wrist cast, and instead of Cindy Lou Hensley from Arizona you have Cindy Lou Who straight from Whoville.

PS Does that make John McCain the Grinch? (Sorry…I just couldn’t resist!)

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Oy Vay O’Day

September 12, 2008 at 1:02 pm (Aubrey O'Day, Boots, Cut-outs, Sequins, Stripes) (, , , , , , )

We know Aubrey O’Day has high needs for attention. She’ll do whatever it takes to get her picture taken. Imagine her and Bai Ling and Phoebe Price stranded together on an island with no photographers. Heaven.

We hate to give her the attention she craves by posting her fashion choices. So let’s not focus on her. Instead, what compelled Giuseppe Zanotti to make these crazy peep toe shoe boots? Perhaps he was inspired by his dog’s neck cone? Maybe she is joining a stiletto soccer game and needs couture shin guards?

I like the version on his website, without the extended calf cuff. This version feels like an exaggerated ankle strap, but is still within the realm of reason.

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Soda jerk

September 8, 2008 at 2:35 pm (Belt, Pink, Strapless, Stripes) (, , , , , , )

So here is the concept for Pink’s next video:

She is a quiet girl working the soda fountain in the 1950s. She’s all preppy and sweet and girly.

Then she busts out of that confining traditional mold with some screaming guitar riffs. She pulls off her bobby socks and poodle skirt. She grabs the fabric from the ice cream shop awnings and makes it into a crazy strapless Alexis Lamontagna dress with an unreasonably full skirt.

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Wound up tight

August 12, 2008 at 2:23 pm (Belt, Buttons, Stripes) (, , , , , )

I think that Victoria Beckham is very fashionable. But she doesn’t often look very comfortable. Maybe it’s because she isn’t much of a smiler. Maybe it’s the sharp edges of her haircut. Maybe it’s her skeletal body. Or maybe it’s all those reason’s rolled into one. But she usually doesn’t look very comfy– she looks wound up tight.

Take this dress, for example. She is just going out for a Sunday night dinner. It isn’t a runway show. And how can she expect to eat anything (not that she eats much anyways) with that mega-belt?

Beyond looking rigidly uncomfortable, I don’t think all that sacrafice is worth it for *this* dress. I completely understand putting up with some pain for a great dress or some killer shoes. But this combo is neither great nor killer.

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One way or another

August 6, 2008 at 9:49 am (Deborah Harry, Lace, Shorts, Stripes) (, , , , , )

Was Deborah Harry going for nautical or Gothic here? One way or another, this outfit is a complete mess. Blondie, I certainly don’t getcha getcha getcha.

From what I can tell, this look started as a black lace dress. Anyone over the age of 60 is going down a dangerous path with sheer lace and granny pants, but we could probably live with that fashion infraction.

It is the non-sensical nautical striped top that puts this look over the edge. Was she chilly on the way over? Did she want to conceal her arms? Was she considering a menage a trios with Captain and Tennille?

Add the orthapedic sandals, pale make-up and aging hairdo to the mix, and this look is far from Rapture.

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Casual red carpet

August 1, 2008 at 9:31 am (Alicia Silverstone, Amanda Peet, Clutch, Denim, Scarf, Stripes) (, , , , , , )

We need to discuss a disturbing trend: the casual red carpet.

To me, red carpet is inherently dressy. Like black tie. You needn’t wear a tiara, but sweats (Latifah!) and excessively casual wear should really be avoided. It just looks apathetic and lazy.

I mean, c’mon. You are paid an exorbitant amount to read some lines and stroll around at a premiere. I don’t mean to underestimate the skill it takes to be an actor. The constant flashbulbs, the hours you have to devote to keeping your body in peak photographic form, and the nuisance of looking through the free bling that everyone wants to throw at you. But the person making your coffee each morning makes about $10 an hour, and they are dressed better than this.

I certainly wasn’t invited to the premiere of Pineapple Express. Perhaps the invite said “sloppy casual,” and all the other guests ignored it. I dunno. But both Amanda Peet and Alicia Silverstone stood out for their laissez faire attire.

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