Something nice

December 10, 2008 at 11:04 am (Bows, Buttons, Diane Kruger, High Waisted, Jumpsuit, Tuxedo) (, , , , , , )

Mama always said, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” So here goes something nice: “I like Diane Kruger’s shoes.”

Shit, that’s no fun. I mean, look at her Chanel outfit. And her enthusiastic facial expression. I’d have that look, too, if I looked four years old in a jumpsuit featuring bow tie and satin high-waisted pants.

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Man’s jacket

August 7, 2008 at 6:40 pm (All Black, Feathers, Penelope Cruz, Sequins, Shiny, Tuxedo) (, , , , , , )

You know how it is when you go to a wedding– you find a fun strappy dress (like, say, Penelope Cruz’s dress, for example). Perhaps the wedding is outside, and you stay warm basking in the glow of two people in love committing to each other ’til death pats them. The sun is shining, and you have to fan yourself slightly with the calligraphied program that lists how bridesmaid #3 met the bride and who the organist is.

Then you go to the dinner and gorge on food, wine, cake, and pastel coated almonds. You and your date watch the first dance, and even dance a couple of times until the deejay plays “Shout.” You hate Shout, even when it gets a little bit softer now, a little softer now, a little bit softer now. And you really hate it when it gets a little bit louder now, a little bit louder now, a little bit louder now. So you and your date go on the veranda to get some air and see the stars, and he lovingly drapes his suit coat around your shoulders so you don’t catch a chill.

Well, that’s exactly how Penelope Cruz looks here. Except for she purposely paired the jacket with the dress. And the jacket seems to me have a molting sequined design.

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Super freak

July 10, 2008 at 2:02 pm (Denim, Kate Moss, Shorts, Stripes, Tights, Tuxedo) (, , , , )

You gotta give it to her…Kate Moss has cajones. I think she is super-human freak of nature. Break-ups don’t faze her. Late nights don’t faze her. The sheer discomfort of denim against tights doesn’t faze her. And, apparently, she doesn’t need to eat very much to maintain this stamina. Wow.

I have to chuckle that black blazers are the “new” hip item. Hello! Who doesn’t have a million black blazers. Granted, styles and cuts change. But on principle alone, I don’t know how a black tuxedo jacket can be defined as cutting edge.

Certainly not when you pair it with a striped tee shirt, denim shorts, black tights and black mary janes. I sincerely hope this isn’t a trend that catches on…

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You say it’s your birthday

July 3, 2008 at 4:16 pm (Baby Doll, Hat, Lace, Lindsay Lohan, Tuxedo) (, , , , )

Awwwwwww. Here she comes. Here’s our cute little girl, all already for the Prom. Our little LiLo has sure grown up fast, hasn’t she? Wait here while Daddy gets a picture of your date pinning a corsage on your dress. Oh. Oops. Hmmm. Your date’s a she. In a tuxedo. And she’s busy smoking her cig right now. That’s OK. Mommy can roll with that, and Daddy can get a picture next time. No problem, sweetie. Don’t worry.

Wow, sweetie, your dress is sure a blend of precious and skank. That’s a lot of boobie for the prom, isn’t it honey? And why do you look so PO’d? What’s wrong, sweetie? You should be happy on your prom birthday! You’re such a big girl now. Don’t worry that you might have another baby sister to support because of your irresponsible and skirt-chasing daddy. It’s OK. Just have a nice time at the Prom, and be sure to make home in time for your curfew, OK?

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Jumpsuit revisited

June 30, 2008 at 10:19 am (All Black, Deep V, Jumpsuit, Selma Blair, Sequins, Tuxedo) (, , , , )

Here is Plaintiff’s Evidence Exhibit B on why I do not like jumpsuits. Is Selma Blair trying to look like Evil Knievel? Elvis? Or a long lost member of KISS?

Here is Plaintiff’s Evidence Exhibit A.

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Luxe Tux

June 3, 2008 at 4:24 pm (Ashley Olsen, Deep V, Suits, Tuxedo) ()

We know that Mary-Kate and Ashley fancy themselves as quite fashion forward. It’s hard to predict which trends will gain momentum. But I am guessing that this one ain’t going to catch on.

I will say that I am not on the high-waisted pant bandwagon. Never liked ’em. They make your torso look odd, and put all the focus on the tummy. Why would anyone want that?

Overall, this look is a snooze. The jacket is ok– I like the bolero cut–but it certainly isn’t exceptional. And the rest of the outfit is blah, blah, blah. The blouse looks like a bodysuit circa 1992, and the pants look like something a circus ringleader would wear when taming the lions.

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