JonBenet

November 7, 2008 at 4:52 pm (All Black, Clutch, Deep V, Hayden Panettiere, Leggings, Metallic, Necklace, Vest) (, , , , , , )

OK– this photo of Hayden Panettiere really creeped me out. It reminds me of those weird, highly made up, suggestively dressed four-year-old pageant girls. And she’s wearing a leash of a necklace.

Is anyone watching out for this girl?

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Springtime down under

September 15, 2008 at 11:13 am (Floral, Hat, Nicole Kidman, Tights, Vest) (, , , , , )

Nicole Kidman so rarely missteps, so this outfit is extra surprising.

I know it is springtime in Australia, but is it a good idea to celebrate with a floral dress with a contrasting front, purple tights, a bowler hat and Grandpa’s sweater vest?

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Yak vest

September 11, 2008 at 10:17 am (Beaded, Fur, Madonna, Ruffles, Sheer, Vest) (, , , , , , , )

This whole look is very perplexing. Perplexing, indeed.

I wonder how many yaks were killed to make Madonna’s vest?

I wonder what Madonna had done to her face to make her cheekbones jut out so much?

I wonder if she knows she is sprouting butterfly antennae.

I wonder if she wants to look like Guy pelted her neck with his BB gun.

And– the biggest question of all– I wonder if Madonna and Anna Wintour work out with the same trainer.

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Teen (bad fashion) choice award

August 4, 2008 at 9:25 am (David Beckham, Denim, Joy Lauren, Necklace, Pastels, Plaid, Shorts, Tank, Vest) (, , , , , , , , )

It’s probably a little tough to dress for the Teen Choice Awards. The average age of the viewing audience is about 15. So people who really are about 15 want to look older and more sophisticated, but still trendy. Those who are double the target age (or older!) are painfully trying to still look relevant and hip. Instead, you get Brian Austin Green failing to look either hip or trendy.

Here is exhibit A: Teens Trying to Look Older- Joy Lauren.

Here is exhibit B: Non-Teens Trying to Look
Hip and Relevant- Most of the people in the room over the age of 30. Let’s start with David Beckham and move to Mariah Carey, Randy Jackson, Adam Sandler, etc.

In all these cases, I say: Dress Your Age! If you are young and perky, don’t dress like you are 50 in a below-the-knee black skirt, unflattering vest, and matronly pearl necklace.

And if you age doesn’t end in -teen anymore, please acknowledge that. You can still look relevant and trendy without going to extremes. It’s better for people to think you look great for your age. Nothing is worse than trying to hard and not succeeding.

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Good ship lollypop

June 20, 2008 at 11:31 am (Deep V, Hat, Pastels, Rihanna, Ruffles, Vest) (, )

This skirt is utterly ridiculous. There is no other way to describe it. Is she a conductor on the Good Ship Lollypop? Or the cruise director for the gay carnival cruise to Barbados?

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Where have you been, Mischa Barton?

June 19, 2008 at 12:22 pm (Beaded, Leather, Scarf, Sheer, Shorts, Suede, Tights, Tribal, Vest) (, )

Just yesterday, I was pining to myself, “Where are you, Mischa Barton? It’s been several days since I’ve seen you in a wacky ensemble. You actually looked quite nice at the Viktor and Rolf event in London. Maybe you changed stylists? Or actually hired one?”

But don’t despair! Our gal is back in predicatably bad fashion.

Here she is at the Billionaire Boys Club event in London last night. Maybe she was competing in a contest to wear as many random items as possible at one time– kinda like seeing how many jelly beans you can fit into your mouth at once.

 

 

Here’s the tally of items in this outfit:

1. patterned scarf
2. sheer blouse with embroidered front
3. beaded vest
4. leather jacket
5. bright yellow silk short shorts
6. black tights
7. beaded suede sandals
8. shoulder bag

 

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Funeral Fabulousness?

June 6, 2008 at 1:20 pm (All Black, Bows, Carla Bruni Sarkozy, Claudia Schiffer, John Galliano, Ruffles, Scarf, Suits, Tights, Vest) (, , )

I know funerals are somber occasions. But if there is ever a time to bust out a totally over-the-top fabulous funeral look, it would be for the funeral of fashion legend Yves Saint Laurent. Really, he deserves nothing less.

Instead, the French President’s model wife shows up in a rumpled suit and a sweater tank, and Claudia Schiffer wears this dreary Amish number with a built in bib for the funeral luncheon and bad prom satin pumps.

Now, I am not advocating John Galliano’s shirtless outfit in general. But his ridiculous outfit is at least a fitting nod to a fashion pioneer.

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This has GOT to hurt

June 5, 2008 at 1:50 pm (Knit, Leggings, Mischa Barton, Ruffles, Vest) ()

I literally winced in pain when I saw this picture. Ouch! Those pants simply cannot be comfortable. It looks like she pulled out her stirrup pants from 6th grade, when she was both shorter and lighter. I can’t imagine that any gynecological professional would advocate a woman wearing pants that tight.

And I can’t even find the words to describe the vest. Is it knit? Crocheted? Latch-hooked? Or was she attacked by a swarm of Grandma’s toaster covers and tea cozies?

Wow. This one leaves us truly speechless. And covering our eyes.

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