November 10, 2008 at 4:07 pm (Asymmetrical, Clutch, Costume, Hat, Salma Hayek) (, , , , , , )

I *really* want Salma Hayek to get her mojo back.

Where is the va-va-voom? I don’t see it in this Stella McCartney dress. Sure, the event had a twenties feel. But I think the color makes her look washed out, the fit does nothing to highlight her tremendous assets, and the beaded skull cap is just awkward.

On the plus side, she has moved away from her previous Morticia-Addams-cover-every-inch-of-skin looks. Perhaps we should just be pleased with progress.

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September 30, 2008 at 2:29 pm (All Black, Brooch, Salma Hayek) (, , , , , , )

Who forced Salma Hayekto wear the dowdy pilgrim home-ec Morticia Adams Balenciaga dress? Maybe this is her “I’m just friends with Francois-Henri Pinault” dress.

She has an unbelievable, gravity defying figure. Why oh why does she cover up every bit of skin? Why is so accessorizing with her grandma’s rhinestone brooch? Please, Salma. Bring sexy back.

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Not bellissima

August 5, 2008 at 11:57 am (Draped, Necklace, Pastels, Ruffles, Salma Hayek, Sequins) (, , , , , )

Salma Hayek seems to have been swathed in glittery cotton candy at the premiere of Vicky Cristina Barcelona last night.

I’m not feeling Salma’s post-baby fashion mojo. She used to be so sleek, sultry and exotic. Now I am getting more frumpy and demure. And, given the current size of her chest, frumpy and demure has to be a big challenge!

What’s up with the two-tiered bib in the front of this Balenciaga dress? Bring back the knock ’em dead Salma!

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Cannes Cannes

May 20, 2008 at 9:00 pm (Draped, Necklace, Salma Hayek, Sashes) ()

Cannes provides us lots of runway fodder. Night after night of red carpets, parties, and evening wear. Somehow, people think that they will look great simply because they are in France. Like being fashionable is in the water.

Salma Hayek seems to be confused on how to dress her post-baby body. I understand that. Her normally generous bust is now gargantuan. Perhaps her middle section still needs some work. Honey, we feel your pain. Welcome to the world of us regular mortals.

But do not — I repeat do not! — think that a roomier midsection and a low-slung sash is going to help you out. You are busty. Any dress that makes your mid section look as wide as your chest is NOT going to look good.

I also don’t care for the details on this dress. The military-like gold epaulets on the shoulders don’t go with the flowy dress. The loop-as-sleeve thing just seems weird. The bordello beading on the end of the sash drags the sash down, so it hangs just under the tummy paunch. Never an area we want to highlight.

Just try a little cleavage, a nipped waist, and a smile. It’ll work wonders!

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Sinking Ship

May 13, 2008 at 8:15 pm (Bows, Plaid, Salma Hayek, Suits) ()

Salma Hayek is undoubtedly one of the most beautiful women in the world. Voluptous, sensous, exotic.

Why, oh why, then, is she dressed like a librarian? I know she recently had a baby, but really? Pleats and plaid? That’s a crying shame. The sheer blouse, camisole, gargantuan bow, low lapels, and high waisted skirt are waaaay much, even in her ample chest region.

I think I’d like it better if suit were a solid. Or even a more subtle print. But all the lines of the plaid are enough to make me sea sick.

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