Rant and rave

December 9, 2008 at 1:51 pm (Denim, Tom Cruise) (, , , , , , , , )

WARNING: This post isn’t about fashion. It is just a general ranting and raving about Tom Cruise.

I pride myself for being on the “Tom Cruise is Totally Annoying” bandwagon long before he met Katie and jumped on any couches. I found him to be a) a complete tool and b) an over-actor loooong before it was popular.

But I provide this photo as evidence on a long list of “Tom Cruise is Totally Annoying” evidence.

Remember your high school friend’s mom who tried way too hard to be hip, cool, and with it? Using the kid’s slang improperly, dressing far too young, and acting like a dork? Well, friends, guess what? That is Tom Cruise.

Here he is showing his “moves” on MuchMusic. And he’s giving eloping advice to the second and third most annoying people on earth: Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag. Who decided to put Tom Cruise on The Hills: Live After the Show anyways? He’s 46 years old, for heaven’s sake! Were Mickey Rooney,  Helen Mirren and Clint Eastwood already booked?

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Losing my lunch

August 25, 2008 at 2:02 pm (Denim, Katie Holmes, Sneakers) (, , , , , , )

I really don’t feel well. I think I am going to lose my lunch on this one. It is really that nauseatingly, horribly, side-splittingly bad. It’s not just bad fashion. It’s plain old take-me-to-the-ER-to-have-my-stomach-pumped bad.

When Katie Holmes spent the last month running around New York in men’s prps jeans, I didn’t like her peg-and-roll look, but at least I thought it was endearing that she was wearing Tom’s jeans while they were separated. It seemed cute in an eighth-grade sort of way. Like writing “I © Tom” on her notebook.

Not now we realize that they aren’t HIS jeans after all. What we have here is a case of HIS AND HERS jeans. With complimentary sneakers. That is a whole different category. We moved from cute to creepy. From endearing to nauseating.

Even poor Suri is hiding her head in shame.

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… and guest

August 21, 2008 at 1:43 pm (Rumer Willis, Sneakers) (, , , , , , , , , )

Instead of my usual ranting and raving on bad fashion, I am going to rant and rave about the Willis-Moore-Kutcher-plus-two-random-boys-from-down-the-street family.

Let me tell you a little story. When I got married, we invited my husband’s aunt and uncle. They took it upon themselves to invite their four kids (which I guess makes a little sense, at least they are related). But then those four kids each brought a guest! So one invitation now totals ten people! How does that work on the RSVP card?

Yes, this story does relate…I promise.

So–yippee–someone is paying Rumer to act in a movie. Whoop-de-doo. She needs to come to the premiere. Makes sense. She can even bring a date. But how does “Rumer Willis and guest” become nine f*ing people!?!? How pathetic is it that Bruce and random woman #47 and Demi and Ashton have to show up? I’m sure they are really proud of her. Blah, blah, blah. Their “come out and support her” sounds a lot like “come out and upstage her.”

And how big is her part in The House Bunny? She is listed eleventh in the cast list, behind “Sweet Prostitute” and “Dean Simmons.” Somehow her other ten cast mates (who presumably have bigger parts) made it to the premiere without an entourage of their entire neighborhood.

Finally–what is the deal with Aston’s shoes? I get that tennies on the red carpet is the newest thing. But a few points: 1) When Tom Cruise is doing it, it is already inherently lame. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. 2) If you still insist on wearing the sneaks, where a sleek street version, not these dorky shoes-you-would-actually-do-some-exercise-in.

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